Up at 7am this morning for the Gower Bike Ride.
I am in top physical shape, bleary-eyed and mildly hungover, fat.
I threw everything in the car and drove to Swansea, getting to the start area around 8.30.
My phone rings and it’s Jeff (Monocyclism) who’s already in the car park wondering where I am.
He spots me when I hold my hands up.
I registered and on the way back I bump into Ian (er… Ian.Stockwell).
I know Ian from the last Snowdon ride and it’s good to see him again.
We geared up and got ready for the start.
Weather is lovely, the sun is shining and there is a bit of a blustery breeze but it’s with us on the way out of the city so we don’t really notice it.
The ride out is nice, we get a lot of positive comments.
We get a little strung out at times, Ian is a speed-merchant, Jeff is still getting used to hills and I’m somewhere in between.
But we stop and regroup and everything’s good.
The horrible Carmarthen road beat me this year.
I managed about three-quarters of the way before my body screamed “Screw this!” at me.
Ian crested it like a polka-dot jersey champion (b*stard) while I waited for Jeff (I was glad of the break).
After the lung-busting trial of Carmarthen Road the route flattened out and in a number of places there were quite enjoyable gradual descents.
Again we got stretched out but I didn’t mind.
It was nice to chat to riders who slowed down to ask questions.
We all met up again at the point where the long route and the short route split.
Ian decided to go on for the long route (which is around 30 miles).
Jeff decided to go for the shorter route (which is around 16 miles).
I had a moment of hesitation and almost went for the longer route, but my arse, lungs, legs and kidneys decided that if I did then they would never speak to me again.
Short route it is then.
And I’m glad I did because it gave Jeff and myself the chance to finish the ride along the Clyne Valley, which is very picturesque and quiet, and more importantly, flat.
This was Jeff’s first chance to ride with other unicyclists and he seemed to really enjoy himself.
We took a nice water break where one of the first-aid guys had a go on my 29, much to the amusement of his colleagues.
After another two miles of sheltered valley riding we burst out of the shade of the trees and arrive at the coast.
Jeff and I take the coastal bike path for the next half mile, stopping for some photos by the bay.
200 yards before the finish we switch onto the road, which has been coned off.
Last year the finish line was horribly muddy and I was very disappointed with myself when I UPD’d twenty yards from the line.
I was determined not to do the same this year and I was quite pleased when I crossed the line with no ungainly falls.
We collect our medals and goodie bags and are accosted by photographers who make us pose like supermodels (well, not quite but you get the idea).
While we’re waiting for Ian to finish the longer course Jeff and I decide to try each others unis on the beach front.
Hilarity ensues.
Jeff gets on his Coker by using a rolling mount.
When he nails it, it looks very elegant and impressive.
I can’t even get on his uni hanging on to a post.
My efforts look like I’m some drunken bum who’s fallen and is trying to drag himself upright.
Jeff leaps on my 29 and rides away first time.
I hate him.
At last I manage to get away from my post and manage a few hundred yards.
Jeez, that thing is heavy!
It’s like a tank on one wheel!
Unsurprisingly Jeff thinks the 29 is great fun and I suspect an order from North Wales will soon be on its way to Roger.
Comment of the day comes from a lady who passes me as I’m trying to mount the Coker by leaning against a wall.
I mess everything up and end up leaning at an angle of 45 degrees while clutching helplessly at the wall.
She catches my eye and I pant “Graceful, huh?”
“Yeah, like a swan,” she replies.
I meet back up with Jeff who takes a million pictures (one or two, I have no doubt, will end up on here).
We bump into Ian in the car park and head back to the finishing field for refreshments.
Ian tells that he had a good ride, but was hit by a bad cramp part of the way through, and that forced him to go easy on the later stages of the ride.
Ian and I chat as Jeff takes the opportunity to ride both our unis around the field.
He’s like a kid on Christmas morning and to be honest, I’m secretly envious of his enthusiasm.
The sunny sky is replaced by clouds as we part.
Good day had by all.
And now the awards.
Most useless phone of the day: me.
Person whose back everyone else saw the most of: Ian.
Most impressive mount: Jeff.
Most likely to have been eaten by a shark off Llangenith beach: Gadge