Pointless Unicycle Pizza Cutter on eBay

A few months ago I saw an eBay item for sale in Australia titled “Pointless Unicycle Pizza Cutter” and thought it was the funniest description I have ever read and thought I’d share with ya’ll. Hope it puts a smile on your face like it did mine. I bid on it mainly due to the fact that I loved his description and after sending him a message saying how I enjoyed his humor and hope I won it, he wrote back “Thanks. I’m gunning for you. I don’t know who kristy.fleming is but I hope you win instead of her! All the Kristy’s I’ve ever known have been unpleasant.” Ha! Unfortunately she won it. :frowning:

Here was the description:
This brand new unicycle pizza cutter is up for sale as part of my mission to clear my kitchen’s second drawer of useless implements I’m never really going to use. It was a gift which makes me feel bad, because flogging something on ebay for 1 cent is probably way more frowned upon than re-gifting. The thing is my girlfriend tells me pizza is really unhealthy, so I’m trying not to cook it much any more. Then when I do cook it I just cut it up with a knife because if I used the unicycle pizza cutter the fun-loving monkey in my brain would encourage the unicyclist to ride in a haphazard zig-zag fashion, which would result in jagged, uneven pieces which no one would really appreciate.

I remain a bit conflicted though, because I don’t know whether to believe my girlfriend or Healthy Harold (the giraffe from the Life Education Centre) when it comes to the healthiness of pizza. When I was about nine Healthy Harold taught me all about the Healthy Eating Pyramid and I came to believe that pizza was pretty much the perfect food. Down the bottom of the pyramid were breads, grains and cereals, which is what the base of my pizza is made of. The next layer of the pyramid was fruits and vegetables. Likewise my pizza’s next layer has things like tomato, onion, capsicum and occasionally even some pineapple (despite all my foodie wanker friends blabbering on about how pineapple has no place on a pizza and when they were in Italy they went to this tiny place in some back alley where they had the most ammaaazing pizza which only had tomato and a single pristine leaf of basil picked by a ninety year old nun on it). The meat, poultry and fish group is next on the pyramid and also next on my pizza, with a scattering of ham, prawns or if I’m feeling retro, cabanossi. Also on this level of the pyramid is the dairy food group, so I top my pizza off with some cheese, completing what I can only regard as a completely balanced meal. It doesn’t even contain any of the “bad” things at the top of the pyramid like Wagon Wheels, Space Food Sticks and deep friend Mars Bars.

While my girlfriend is really smart, a lot of my fundamental understanding of the world has come from Healthy Harold and everything else he has said turned out to be true. Girls are anatomically different. Smoking is really bad. Binge drinking does make me throw up on my shoes. I just don’t know what to think any more.
If you still believe Healthy Harold you should probably just keep making pizza and maybe buy this so you can cut it up all professionally. Please also check out my other things. Despite the fact I don’t really need them, they may make your life better.


Haha, nice one Jamie! What a creative sales pitch for something as simple as a pizza cutter. Do you have any photos of it? Did it actually look more like a unicycle than your average run of the mill pizza cutter? Bummer that you didn’t win it, what did the bidding get upto? kristy.fleming must have really wanted the item…

Very funny. lol. Man, now I want one.:wink:

Just brilliant, ebay is becoming more creative as time goes by. I ran into another posting on ebay for a Tomtom that was just as brilliant. Unfortunately is was removed because it was attracting cult like status.

Was that the guy who caught his wife cheating on him?

Hmmm, unicycle pizza cutter, on ebay …???
Sure it wasn’t a that penny-farthing of Park-Tools™, in their corporate blue color, initially with a transparent wheel …?
After I had my real pizza-cutter-unicycle made in 1999, they came up with those, as relation gift to all their dealers.

The Tomtom story was that guy. VERY FUNNY :smiley:

Hmmm, pizza = Italy + unicycle… sounds like a combination for next summer :slight_smile:

Start threadjack.

You mean this guy… http://www.northstandchat.com/showthread.php?214983-Have-to-share-this-funny-eBay-sale-story

End threadjack. :smiley:

This is my favorite in the genre of funny ads. This one was a Craigslist entry.

[Craigslist ad]

OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It’s got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you’re being chased by Libyan terrorists, you’ll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It’s saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.

[/Craigslist ad]

I have one of those Park pizza cutters. But I don’t know where it is, so every time we get a poorly-cut pizza, we end up just tearing it sloppily apart like everybody else does.

Speaking of Leo’s giraffe unicycle pizza cutter, that was one of the videos we showed the other night at the “video night” portion of MUni Weekend! :slight_smile:

That’s the one and only.
The one Harper posted is also worth a hearty chuckle :stuck_out_tongue:

Ride away

Hard to get those white tights on, good leg protection


Oops had a UPD

Now I can ride


Hey Jamey, I have one of these (in bright red), and I took it to the Pizza night at Uninats 2009 in Wollongong.

Kristy is a very nice unicyclist, and I’m pretty sure you’ve played hockey with her on multiple occasions, so next time she turns up (it’s been a while), I’ll let her know you were bagging her out and she can take a shot at you with her new stick that Ty has been holding for 6 months…


I want one of those! Does anyone know where and if they are still available?

It sold for like $25 with shipping, just a bit more than I was willing to pay. It was one just like the others have posted, not the Penny Farthing one but the true unicycle one…don’t know where you can find any besides ebay every now and then…maybe udc should look into it.

UPDATE: I did a google search and found this link that has them on it along with other funky pizza cutters. They are called “Steady Eddie Pizza Cutter” but it doesn’t look like the company has them for sale anymore. If anyone else does more research and finds them, please post the link!

Where did you buy it?

Ya, I know Kristy and knew who she was at the time of bidding. But I wasn’t making fun of her, the guy selling it was! :stuck_out_tongue:

Still wanting to buy one of these pizza cutters, so I did a search and came up with this: