i don’t know if this is appropriate for the forms but i thought it was so funny when i read it so i had to share it with all of you lol leave comments please and say anything you like just try to keep it no more disturbing then the joke which is real or so im told
THE STORY/JOKE
“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the Gerbil,” Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner Andrew (Kiki) Farnom, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. “I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in.” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon,’ my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking that the light might attract him.”
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.” Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnom suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
TOP 11 SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY
“I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum.” - Good start.
"As usual,Kiki shouted out “Armageddon” - They do this frequently? (Or, at least they have done this more than once).
“So I peered into the tube.” - I’m sorry, but that’s like looking through a telescope into hell. I’d rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
The poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being shot out out the guy’s ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone’s anus. I’m just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki’s tunnel of love.
People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.
This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I’m starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
“First and second degree burns to the anus.” Wouldn’t this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of a burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God’s green earth.
People named “Kiki” which is obviously a Polynesian word for: “Idiotic men who shove rodents up their butts.”
What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?
People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can’t imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well Doc, it’s like this. You see we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube…
Anyone familliar with pyro-mechanics (or plays with fire too much :o) would know that at worst the one guy would get a burnt face but the other guy would be fine.
I also learnt that a practice I never heard of before in fact does not exist. Is that really learning anything?
I’ve read some of your posts, this thread included. I don’t wonder about the ten points at the end of your story. I wonder who reads the stories to you and operates the keyboard for you.
k thanks for the unneeded comment this was just supposed to be a funny thread and i got this off a website I thought it was funny so I posted it and the 10 comments on it were part of the joke I didn’t wright any of it but say what you like your entitled to your own opinion if you wanna think that then do whats important is that I don’t care
oh man! I can’t count the times I’ve read this story any more. In english, in french, on the radio (displayed as a “real news”)…
…It’s all fake, according to Snopes and its french equivalent: Hoaxbuster.
Now is it really funny? I’d say yes if it was true (despite the fact I don’t like laughing on someones pain) but I say no because it only shows how stupid can get people when they try to “picture” homosexual sexuality…
…like all those “I’ve been told that gays could…” comments.
It’s at best stupid, at worst stupid and volontarily offensive.
The act described is not homosexual, it is an act of bestiality.
Homosexuality is a private matter between two people of the same sex. Bestiality is the sexual abuse of an animal. Although it is sometimes the subject of amusing jokes, it is not inherently funny; it is simply obscene.
I think the level of detail gone into in this thread is beyond what is appropriate in a forum read by people of all ages. It is a very different thing from the saucy and sometimes near the knuckle but generally funny comments in “Would it look awkward done naked”.
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the
Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that
the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them,
but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his
colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief doctor. Horatio
thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more
than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to
arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a
little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she
dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned
to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the
King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours,
would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the
saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick
worked passionately on the Queen’s large and magnificent breasts. The
Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and
hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio
demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now
satisfied, Nick couldn’t have cared less and, knowing that Horatio
could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.
