Unicyle Story Thread

About this time, a birch-bark canoe came down the river, with two fellows carrying Muni’s and wearing t-shirts with Maple Leafs and a logo that said “71//\ H0R70//5 Ru13z!”. The paddlers disembarked.

“Hello, eh?” I’m Evil Nick, and this is Murde Mental, eh?" How’s it going, eh?"
“Yo, eh?” said the one identified as Murde Mental.
“Like, I see you’re uni wizards, and was wondeirng if you could help me with my muni, eh?” Evil Nick lifted his Nimbus, corroded from salt damage, and sporting a snapped hub.
“Easy!” replied Kris, pulling out his wand (Which looked suspiciously like a crank without a pedal.) “Huboulus repairum!” And voila! The hub was fixed!
“Gee, thanks, eh! Now we can ride to 71//\ H0r70//5 instead of paddling, eh?” Thanks a bunch, eh?"
“Yo, eh?” quoth the Murde Mental.
And away they went.
“What odd people…” said Harper.

hands down the best story I’ve ever heard.

Forrest,reading only parts of the story,blinks several times,slaps head(as if clearing out confusing thoughts),and goes elswere,shaking his head.

While on the way to 71//\ H0r70//5, the group spotted the great DK naked, wearing a badger on his head, and yelling, “I have to piss like a pregnat teenager!” Once DK saw the large group of unicyclists, He grabbed his trusty KH muni and followed the group, only after blushing and making obscure comments about “how cold it is.” :smiley: Only after a few miles of riding with the new found uni’ist,m a group of bikers appeared. DK decided bikes owned unicycles, but only slightly, and left the group to ride the north shore naked.

all of a sudden a small part of the big chunk of whats left of the world breaks off. [I}PAWOOM[/I] CRUNCH the bikers are attacking. mt. evil (biker hq) has an unlimited supply of dark matter energy, that the bikers are funneling through a giant ray gun. the small piece of the big chunk that broke off was the bridge connecting the unicycles chunk of the world to the bikers mt. evil.

Bad news for the bikers, though. While attacking. from biker hq with their unlimited supply of dark matter energy, their giant ray gun develops a quirky vibration and goes out of control, dragging in FAR TOO MUCH of the dark matter energy than the funnel can safely handle. It wags out of control and ends up disintegrating itself, and the excess energy disintegrates the biker hq, apparrently ending ALL the B*kers.

The unicyclists lasso the small piece of the big chunk that broke off and make a bridge connecting the unicyclists’ chunk of the world to the space shuttle, which NASA has sent on the rescue mission.

Handily thereis enough room in the space shuttle hold for all the unicyclists to practise their zero G riding so the shuttle crew take them on a quick spin around the universe.

suddly, for reasons that cannot be discust for a matter of national sercurity prevents such things being brought into a exchage of opinuons with the human action of vocal communication or any other form of comunication at this precice moment in space time and dimesion, a Fly flies across the screen and slaps all the uniists.

[got me in the story and invented a new word lododlypickus :sunglasses: ]

While treking across the universe the kbc team enjoy the views and weightlessness of space. Between gazing out windows they make up a game where two players throw another player towards a small hoop at the far end of the shuttle. If the trajectory is good the projectile player sinks the ball in a small hoop to score. Eventually, by the time they get out around Uranus the’ve developed complete set of rules and techniques.

The score was tied in the Milkyway playoffs, Pete and Debbie had just launched Sara with ten seconds left to the end of the game. Suddenly astronaut communications cuts in, “Unidentified craft off starboard, on intercept course. Strap down for evasive action”. Everyone forgets the game and hurries to seats anticipating serious maneuvers. Suddenly, the end of the game bell rings, and they look up to realize that they had left Sara in the air floating toward the hoop. The shuttle engines fire and the shuttle rotate and vectors off full thrusts. Screams are heard in the both in fear of what might happen to Sara as well as for their own lives.

Astronaut communication “We can’t elude the craft. We are just going to have to face them.” As the shuttle ride smoothes, the kbc team free themselves and search for Sara.

Sara can’t be found anywhere. Thoughtfully, Gilby suggest playing the video recording to see what became of Sara. All watch the video, in fear of the worst. They see Sara shoot the ball, then see her flung off to the back of the bay, deep into the canvas cargo bay cover storage. They hurry over to the wadded cover, quickly pulling the cover from its corner. Finally they find Sara a bit shook but OK! The team cheers!

At once there is a clunk and knocking sounds at the docking door. Astronauts, “‘they are docking, I guess the going to come it”. Then slowly the docking door opens.

In comes a human shape, floating with his legs crossed and looking serious as he drifts past the team, directly to the video player and contines video. It shows Sara disappearing deep into the canvas, but also shows the ball she had thrown made the hoop! Scoring the winning point. The stranger smiles, “DAM, I just had to see how the game ended.”

“Uh, Who are you?” squeaks Chrashing.

“Obie. Obie of Uranus” answers the stranger.

Bevis, “Uh, He said Uranus”.

Obie, “Dude, Find something funny, do you?”

Bevis, “Uh, Uh, you sure your not from Myanus?”

Obie, pulls out his phaser and evaporates Bevis to ashes, “More questions, any of you, are there?”

Obie pulls out his frequent finagler card and goes to Finagle a Bagel. There he runs into Joey Cohn, who is working.

“Give me 2 of every animal,” bellows Obie.

“Dude, what?”

“2 of every animal please…thats TO GO.”

“We sell bagels.”

“Take me to your leader then, surely he has 2 of every animal”

Joey goes and gets his leader, the manager, Jagur.

“Can I help you?”

“Two of every animal, please”

“Sorry, we don’t sell animals. However, you can have these 5 unicycles I just spent the past year assembling. $100”

“DEAL”

Soounds like the space shuttle is becoming Noah’s ARk, with two of everything.

And Ken is useless as a human mate, because he doesn’t know what Uranus is for:D

[Sounds to me that wise Obie is reminding us that this is a unicycle story.]

The shuttle, which is running low on fuel follows Obie’s craft down to the planet’s surface hidden deep within the gaseous atmosphere. They land and park outside the bagelry at a mall where Obie is shopping.

Walking out of the shuttle, they notice everyone on the planet is riding a unicycle.
TylerCox, sighs, “Heaven”.

But it’s heaven for only a short while as the local police surround them. The police arrest the kbc crew to put them in jail for jaywalking, which on Uranus simply means walking on the street. It’s a serious crime and they are jailed and must go before the high court of the land.

As the court opens, “They offer no defense your honor, this is a hideous crime and they must pay their debt to society”. The judge, turns out to be the Obie. Obie remembers the strong teamwork and the stiff competition the kbc crew had in the playoffs back on the shuttle. Obie rules, “A great contest for their freedom, a Muni competition there will be!”

“What? No. Why there is no precedence for this!” shouts back the prosecution.

Obie, pulls out his phaser and evaporates the prosecution to ashes, “More questions, any of you, are there?”

[wow great story everybody, sounds like sa great time:D :smiley: ]

[There should be more phasing of people by me]

On their way to the muni competition, Obie phases to death 3 old ladies, a cripple, a schoolbus full of…homeless children, and a 1 legged puppy. All are exceptionally cute.

Obie had had the bailiff issue unicycles to the team so they could ride across town.

Chrashing, “ Sir Obie, What kind of a contest is this?”

“What! Still more questions? “ Obie, reaches for his phaser.

“No, No gosh no, just thinking out loud, please never mind.”

As they continue to ride down the main street, all the people of Uranus stop and idle giving plenty of room for the team to ride by. Most praise their majesty, and many cheer for the kbc team.

“So Obies, is the King of Uranus.” Is whispered throughout the pack.

Finally, outside town, and well into the woods, a clearing unfolds. Obie leads them to an escarpment, and modesty suggests that they may enjoy the view of their “ Coker Canyon”.

For 30 minutes all that is heard are “Ohhh’s” and “Ahhhh’s”, and excited shouts of, “Oh look over there”, “And up along that ridge, see the fantastic formation”. Still some members remained quiet, simply taking in all they could of the view. More than a few tears were shed, the sight being too grand to behold. More than a few shed some tears at the sight.

Then Harper spoke up, “That Coker Canyon dwarfs our Grand Canyon. It’s awesome, I judge it to be 8 miles deep and 40 miles wide.”

[ BTW, The real Grand Canyon averages 1 mile depth, is 18 miles wide in places and 277 miles long.]

Obie, purposely speaking loudly, “You’re close Harper, actually closer to 42 miles wide, but the truth is you won’t be able to go straight across, I’d say realistically that, if you make it, it will be closer to 50 or 60 across miles. It’s not a flat terrain you see. And then back up to the top.”

“It’s a simple contest, on a difficult terrain. We’ll have supplies brought to you each night, and help set up camp. You’ll like the Camp parties. I will judge the contest, the best video of the journey wins, so you better choose your best camerapersons. Make it out and technically your debt to society is paid, but it’s the best video that wins the contest.”

[OMG, the story thread has fallen to page 5.]

Obie kicks the cot over, “Get moving dude, you’re holding up the troop.”

“Yes sir, your highness”, Chrashing scurries up to his feet and hurries to join the rest of the unicyclists, wondering if he’ll ever get a full night’s sleep again.

The cyclists are rushed through breakfast, given a backpack with supplies, safety equipment, and lead to the trailhead. Still groggy, Chrashing hesitates, watching the others begin their way down the trail along the edge of the canyon.

The thin trail drops quickly along the rocky escarpment. Looking down to the canyon floor miles below is disorientating, so each rider quickly leers to focus on the trail, following the precession lead by Harper.

Maybe it’s lack of sleep, inexperience riding an incline, or the morning dampness of his shoe soles, but before long Chrashing’s foot slips off the pedal.

Now, there are the standard fears of falling when riding a unicycle, you know, like the falling back, forward or sideways. With experience, unicyclists soon overcome those fears learning to fall on their feet, or roll it out without harm if necessary. But there are two falls that most living unicyclist have only heard about. Somehow, riders hide the fear deep in the back of their minds, knowing of the eventuality, hoping only some how they will survive. One of these two fears, ‘the fear of failing to fall’.

Chrashing’s nightmare has just started. His foot slipped from the pedal and for some reason of infinite possibilities, Chrashing doesn’t fall.. He finds himself on the steep incline along a sheer drop teetering on the thin seat out of control; knowing doom is inevitable, left to only wishing to fall and end the suspense.

Speeding down the trail, fear distorts the awareness of time; each millisecond seems like hours of terror. Chrashing soon catches up with the rest of the riders, knowing he’ll only to endanger them. Screaming out to warn the others, but just as a nightmare, what comes out is a weak, “ahhhhh”.

Smashing into the team, pushing each of the trailing riders into the next, compressing one to the other, each in turn losing their footing on the pedals. Soon like a locomotive, all are speeding down the mountain trial, still somehow barreling around corners, racing down the treacherous trail.

Meanwhile, back up along the trail, Brian McKenzie quickly stows his video camera and rides like the wind to catch up. Speeding along, even banking off the rock walls, Brian wonders with guilt and apprehension about the satisfaction of catching that whole event on film, wondering about the next scene. He soon Brian spots the team ahead of him.

Brian looks ahead, and can see that the trail snakes into a hollow along the canyon, and then comes out far lower along the canyon with a section of the trail washed out. Acting on pure instinct, Brian lunges off the trail hurdling across the void of the miles deep chasm. Falling.

The team remains petrified in fear. Somehow Harper at the front of pack manages to navigate the trail, following a trail that too soon ends abruptly.

Brian has soared across the chasm to the lower trail, impacting just before the missing section of the trail. His wheel taco’s, but he manages somehow to ride it out as the wheel flex’s back to round.

With the team approaching, Brian dismounts, and holds his unicycle as a shield in front as the thunderous crowd of uni’s bear’s down on him. Angling his wheel as a ramp, the team is launched and sent flying across the trail gap to the other side. Having steadily held his uni, as the group passes, he now grabs Chrashing’s arm to pull himself along with the group, to the continuation of the trail.

[Consider this thread Bumped! You are invited to add to the story. I for one never know what will happen next, just pick-up and generally follow along the story line (and don’t kill off the team). As for the second worst fear of unicyclist, perhaps you can guess by writing adding a piece of story around it in the future.]

[Sorry Brian, I mistakenly spelled MacKenzie wrong.]

On down the edge of the cliff face, down, down, they go. Gaining speed, faster forward, and still faster down into the canyon. Our team of unicyclist interlocked coasting down the canyon whose depth extends on in an endless procession.

To the team, the continuing ride becomes natural, they quickly gain the skill to ride maneuver along the mountain trail. Now they coast as a swift single entity. Banking high on the walls on the inside turns of the canyon, even purposely briefly leaving the trail if just for efficiency.

As they speed along at what must was easily hundreds if not thousands of miles an hour, as they come around a bend, a glimpse is caught of another figure along the trail. A man riding on ahead of them.

Accelerating, they gain on the stranger, but catching up is not easy for the cycle the stranger is riding has great gears between sprockets with a chain, and the rider himself is not coasting but pedaling comfortably along the trail.

“How strange is that contraption, why it looks like a bicycle, yet he rides with a single wheel like a unicycle.” Is heard from the team.

Catboy, looks closely, thinking it can’t be, realizes and whispers, “Unibiker” to the team.

Continuing on, they blaze along the trail following ‘Unibiker’. Before long the trail comes to a fork. Harper who is has been the leading pilot yells back to the team, “Which way?” There is no answer, both trails head down, just one steeper than the other. The skill of the team has improved to where either path looks manageable. Approaching the fork, Unibiker motions to follow him, on the lower trail. They follow.

The lower trail drops off quicker then any previous track, bends sharply and goes in a tunnel cut into the mountain face. The tunnel is short and soon they are out rounding a bend in a fold of the canyon. They can glance back now, along the wall they just came from. They can see that the alternative trail from back at the fork leads to a sheer drop that would have been a certain tragic end.

On, and on they ride, trying to gain speed so that they catch up with Unibiker, who is certainly a friend. But at last, they reach the bottom of the canyon. As they are coasting to a stop, they curse that they have lost sight of Unibiker.

From the bottom of the canyon the cliff extends up disappearing into wispy clouds and the glare of the sun. Across the bottom, it looks like Moab http://gallery.unicyclist.com/mmf05/P0002495 but at larger scale.

Exhausted and hot, they decide it’s best to find a local shelter so they can stop and rest for the first time since they left Earth. Harper points out a cavern in the mesa a short distance off and on they cycle.

The cavern is huge, seems that the scale of the terrain is hard to judge, everything is gigantic, the cavern is wide, high and extends deep disappearing into the darkness. They practically craw from their uni’s into the cave, lie back, and immediately dose off.

A short while later, “TESTING, TESTING 1 2 3, TESTING. DUDE, OK ON THE RIGHT? OK, LEFT? GOOD…” Blast through the cave over the sound system being installed.

Jolted awake by the shock of the amplified sound. Just as in a reoccurring nightmare they recognize that voice, “That’s Obie” say’s Debbie.

Chrashing half asleep wonders maybe that’s a good idea, “A right and left testicle check” after the incredible ride down.

“CENTER OK?”

Chrashing is startled awake.

”IT’S A SOUND CHECK DUDES! GEZZ.”,

“DUDES! YOU MADE IT TO THE BOTTOM. ODDS WERE 50/50 ON ANY OF YOU SURVIVING. WHAT A SURPRISE, AND SUCH GOOD TIME YOU MADE, SOME SORT OF A RECORD. NO ONE GUESSED EIGHT HOURS. YOU’ll HAVE TO FORGIVE US FOR BEING LATE, WE’RE GETTING THE FOOD ON, AND THE BANDS WILL START SHORTLY.”

Food! With the shock of speeding down the escarpment trail, and the resulting exhaustion they hadn’t noticed how hungry they’d become. Looking around they see BBQ grills and tables of food set up along the other wall. As they walk over, there is loud feedback, guitar rifts, drums and busy voices from the gigantic speakers at the entrance to the cave.

The grills have chicken, beef, and vegetables roasting. Neighboring tables are full of chips, salads, fruit, soda, beer, ice and deserts. Deserts include pie, cake, ice cream and cookies. All in great abundance.

With the coolness of the evening, sitting with their full plates, the first band begins,

Pink, begins with ‘Get this party started’, I’m coming up so you better get this party started…

Followed with,

Led Zeppelin, ‘Stairway to Heaven”,There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold, And she’s buying the stairway to heaven…

“How great is this!” They think, as they rock into the night.

On with Eric Clapton, Aerosmith, and even Elton John with “Rocket Man”.

Later Obie interrupts the music; “ OK I need your attention for a few minutes. It’s time to vote. You’ll need to vote some to be expelled out of the group.”

Evil Nick speaks for the team, “That wasn’t part of deal, why do we need to vote…” Obie interrupts by pulling his phaser out of his vest into clear view. The team backs off, and decides they’ll have to go along.

Obie insists the voting is to be done quickly, with little time for consideration. The votes are tallied.

Obie announces, “OK, Seems that little slip-up at the top of the cliff is gonna cost ya Chrashing. They’ve voted you out. So tomorrow you’re off on your own.”

“OK, Hey, now so let’s rock.”

Pink Floyd begins with ‘Comfortably Numb’, ” Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.

[OK, I can see attendance is low, and participation to the story thread is less. ?]

the next day before anyone wakes up crashing is taken to a cave with closed circuit tv. where he watches his friends along with the unibiker. as the day progresses the kbc move on and come up against various obstacles only found on uranus [fyi its official pronunciation was changed to urine-us.]:smiley: