So many threads in this (and every other) forum either start off or end up with a discussion of religion, and it often gets bad tempered. I was thinking about this, and the problem is obvious: the religious books were all written a long time ago, the writers aren’t here to ask, and neither is anyone who met them. And very often, the books have been translated several times, so some of the subtler nuances of meaning have become distorted.
So I got to thinking (did you smell the wood burning?) and I thought, as an experiment, let’s have a discussion about a modern religion, where the sacred texts were written so recently that many of the writers are still alive, and if not, their friends and families can still be traced.
If the holy texts were mainly written in English (or at least its distant cousin, American) then all the better, as most of the participants in this forum have English as a first or second language.
Which turned me on to the greatest religion of all: Rock and Roll. Here at least we have a clear account - almost a diary or a blog - of the very first days of the religion:
I quote from the sacred writings of Young and Scott:
In the beginning
Back in nineteen fifty-five
Man didn’t know about a rock ‘n’ roll show
And all that jive
The white man had the schmaltz
The black man had the blues
No one knew what they was gonna do
But Tchaikovsky had the news
He said -
“Let there be sound”, and there was sound
“Let there be light”, and there was light
“Let there be drums”, and there was drums
“Let there be guitar”, and there was guitar
“Let there be rock”
And it came to pass
That rock ‘n’ roll was born
Now, immediately, we find two things:
First, an exact date for the creation, or the “beginning”: 1955. That should put a stop to all those people who try to argue that rock and roll “evolved”!
Second, a spooky similarity to another well known book. See immediately how the book of Genesis borrowed heavily from the Holy writings, with the “let there be light…” and all that stuff?
In fact, some critics point out that even the book’s name “Genesis” was taken from a rock band!
However, it appears that even with such a clear biblical text, there is room for theological differences. Compare the sacred song of William Jefferson Haley, the early, one eyed prophet of rock and roll, in his song, “Birth of the Boogie”:
Down in Africa, many years ago
There lived a little fella named Zulu Joe
He took his tom-tom, a great big stick
And that was the birth of the boogie lick
Birth of the boogie, birth of the boogie
Birth of the boogie, birth of the boogie
Birth of the boogie, the boogie-woogie-woogie beat
Then Joe got hip and he started to sing
The animals flipped and began to swing
Monkey, Elephant, Kangaroo
They all picked up on the boogie too
Well, the animals a-boogied all over the place
The rabbit spit in the bulldog’s face
Joe kept a-beatin’ 'til the early morn
And that’s when the boogie-woogie was born
Hmmm. Some obvious similarities to the Judaeo-Christian story of the Ark, there, I think.
Ofcourse, “boogie woogie” is not the same as rock and roll. Indeed, some adherents of each faith argue that the other is heretical. However, most are fairly ecumenical, looking for similarities rather than differences - a lesson that some other religions could learn from.
Here’s an example: In my first quotation, from the writings of Young and Scott, there appeared the expression: “…but Tchaikovsky had the news.”
Compare that with the writings of the fundamentalist black preacher of rock and roll, Chuck Berry, who wrote:
“Roll over Beethoven and tell Tschaikowsky the news.
I got the rockin pneumonia,
I need a shot of rhythm and blues.”
So here we have reference to the early prophet, Tschaikowsky, but also to “rhythm and blues” - an early sect of rock and roll worshippers. And he attributes to his religion the power to cure bodily ailments, such as “rockin’ pneumonia”. Powerful stuff!
So I was starting to think we were finding consistency here, and at last a religion we could all believe in, until I came across the writings of Rossi and Parfitt, who in their attempts to form an “established church” of rock and roll, even went so far as to call their band “Status Quo”:
Once upon a time not so very long ago
There wasn´t such a thing as a rock´n roll show
You had to sit at home and listen to the radio
Then came a man with a rockin´guitar
Found himself a beat and he played it near and far
Everybody danced and sang and let the good times roll
Again again again again
Again again again again
Why don´t you do it
Why don´t you do it again
He travelled round the world in a rock-n-roll band
He stood there like a giant with a guitar in his hand
Everybody danced and sang and let the good times roll
Nobody cared about the clothes he would wear
Nobody cared about the colour of his hair
Everybody came to see and let the good times roll.
Now, is this a different account of the creation of rock and roll? “Once upon a time not so very long ago, there wasn’t such a thing as a rock and roll show… then along came a man with a rocking guitar…”
There is no mention of Tschaikowsky here (by any spelling!). Just a mysterious “man with a rocking guitar” who “found himself a beat”.
But where did he find it? Was it inspired? Who was this holy man? Much to discuss here.
Then there are some mysteries I was unable to answer:
I still wonder wonder wonder who wrote the Book of Love.
I note that the book of love has four known chapters:
In Chapter One you love her, you love her with all your heart (but who is this mysterious “She”? Is this an ancient Earth Goddess, such as Gaia, or is it the rock and roll equivalent of Christianity’s blessed virgin Mary? or is “She” simply the face I can’t forget?)
In Chapter Two you tell her, your never never never ever want to part.
In Chapter Three, you remember the meaning of romance.
And in Chapter Four you break up - but you give her one last chance. (See how the idea of reconciliation and forgiveness is shared with other faiths like Christianity.)
However, this mysterious Book of Love has four chapters, where elsewhere it is documented that there are only Three Steps to Heaven:
Step One, you find a girl to love you
Step Two, she falls in love with you
Step Three, you kiss and hold her tightly
That sure, sounds like heaven to me.
Hmmm. Three steps, or four chapters. And why does it only “sound like” heaven to the great prophet Cochran? Was this an admission of doubt?
And if Cochran believed in the three steps to heaven, how can this be reconciled with his other sacred writing, “Twenty Flight Rock”? Perhaps here is the answer, part way though the song:
“So I walked one, two flight, three flight, four
five, six, seven flight, eight flight, more
up on the twelfth I started to drag
fifteenth floor I’m a-ready to sag
get to the top, I’m too tired to rock…”
So perhaps this was an earlier meditation, and Cochran realised that 20 flights was too much, and that a simpler route to “heaven” (symbolised by the “rock”) was necessary.
Moving on, we have another possible discrepancy: many people claim to believe that Elvis Presley was the King of rock and roll. However, the prophet Johnny Cymbal tells us that “Mr Bass Man” is the “Hidden King of Rock and Roll.”
Cymbal even goes so far as to say that “It don’t mean a thing when the lead is singing, or when he goes 'Hi yi yi yi yah.”
Is this a denial of the Kingship of Elvis? Who is this Mr. Bass Man? (I’d really like to know the answer to that one myself, because I wanna be a bass man too!)
One thing that most of the texts agree is that Rock and Roll is the eternal religion. As the song says:
“Rock and roll is here to stay it will never die
It was meant to be that way though I don’t know why
I don’t care what people say rock and roll is here to stay
We don’t care what people say rock and roll is here to stay
Rock and roll will always be our ticket to the end
It’ll go down in history just you wait my friend…”
But even here, some mystery is preserved: “It was meant to be that way, though I don’t know why…”
So, let’s have a vigorous and heated debate about the one true religion: rock and roll. After all, why should the Devil have all the good music?