'Real' Clown noses?

Well, now I did it.

I didn’t like my old clown costume, so I picked up a new one. Picturing playing around in the driveway this hallowe’en, tossing out candy.

Well, then it dawned on me…since I wore the suit last, I have learned to juggle.

Now I think that I ‘may as well’ have an emergency clown suit.

All the haloween clown noses are uncomfotable and fall off. What to real clowns use? Where do you get them?


What I use (or used, when I last used it) was a sponge ball with a slit cut in it. You can get sponge balls at magic shops. But then again, you can usually get clown noses at magic shops. So I can’t help you.

Try McCulloch’s on Dundas, west of Highbury. 659-3787

Thanks, spyder, that sounds like a perfect place.

Too bad you’re such an oxymoron

Hey, you said ITEMNO530 was only half right. What’s an “OXY”?

Me or Spyder?
And I thought we had already discussed that Billy Mays was the oxymoron.

Sofa’s referring to me. I think.

Not you.

What about Billy-Dee Williams?

Hi Sofa,
When I play a clown, I use a Blinking Red Nose. It is really a “Rudolph the Red Nose Raindeer” nose, but I use it for my clown nose. Works really well.

It is sort of heavy, but you rarely notice it while riding. However, the crowd, especially in a night-time parade, can really see your glowing nose. My Rudolph nose is held on by a very thin bunge cord that goes over the ears, and around the back of your head. --chirokid–

Of course, clowns and unicycles are two entirely unrelated phenomena, and should remain so.

However, ‘proper’ clowns don’t wear ‘clamp on’ or ‘stick on’ plastic or foam noses. They mould a nose on with a ‘clay’ or ‘putty’ like substance.

It is possible to buy a special ‘clay’ from a theatrical supplier. However, a good substitute is lard, mixed with red cayenne pepper for the colourant. This is the traditional solution used by real clowns, but it can cause problems for the amateur who does not have the advantage of circus inbreeding. A clown from one of the traditional circus families is likely to have up to 47% fewer capillaries in the proboscal epidermis.

So for an amateur, the combination of covering the pores on the nose, and applying cayenne pepper, can result in the nose over heating. Not only is this uncomfortable, but the heat generated can be sufficient to melt the lard, causing it to distort and slip own towards the chin. This is the historical origin of the rather strange shape of Mr. Punch’s face in Punch & Judy shows.

Traditionally, clowns were able to cope with this, partly by the reduced capillary density mentioned above, and partly by only performing in big cold draughty tents, or in street parades, where it normally rains. This may not be sufficient for an amateur.

However, if you are unicycling, you can add the wind chill factor. This is proportional to the square of your airspeed, so if you opt to use the lard and cayenne pepper moulded nose, ensure that you ride at a brisk speed.

Of course, you might say that riding fast can be counterproductive because it generates additional heat from metabolism, and you’d be right. So ride a big wheel like a Coker, as this has less rolling resistance, meaning you get the maximum speed (and cooling effect) for minimum effort (and metabolism).

You will note that those few clowns who actually use unicycles tend to ride giraffes. The additional height helps with cooling, because temperature falls with altitude.

The maths gets complicated (Klaas Bil may be able to help here) but the consensus seems to be that unicycling and clowning should be kept separate at all times. Imagine the chaos if your lard nose melts and part of it drops onto the tyre. An emergency stop could result in a lengthy skid, possibly causing injury to the rider and members of the public.

Hmmm, now to find a comfortable middle, between clamp on plastic, and lardball

I like that rudolph nose idea, though.

Think there will be some KH red nose armour coming out in the near future?

You know alot of (real) clowns dont use the red nose at all right?

They do have rubberized clown noses though that stay on well and dont have a clamp they arnt the typical round noses either. As soon as I get a chance I’ll ask my friend Jaron who is a professional Clown/ Physical comedian where he gets his noses at.


As opposed to some of the other unicyclists around here, I don’t mind being both a unicyclist and a clown. I see no problem combining two things which I love. Not riding a unicycle because you’re a clown is like saying that you shouldn’t use a broom as a prop while clowning because that’s not what they’re made for. Unicycles can be excellent clown props, and I have entertained many a crowd with my unicycling and clowning antics. The two just shouldn’t be assumed to go together, but can be very used very effectively (or ineffectively, depending on your performance).
Now, on the subject of noses, the clown nose I use is a ProKnows. These have, “form-fitting foam on the inside and a strong, gloss coating on the soft, plastic outside.” If you glue them on with spirit gum, they’ll stay on for hours and hours, no matter how hard you sweat or jump around. I feel very professional when I put it on, and it really finishes the costume. And for around ten bucks, it’s a great deal. I’ve had mine for two years, and it has been used in many many shows. Sometimes I’ll wear the nose and no makeup and it’s still effective.
The only problem is if your nose starts itching. You can’t scratch it!
Incidentally, if you want anything else, T Myers Magic is a great place for stuff. They mostly deal in balloons, but they’ve got a whole lot of other junk as well. I highly recommend them to anyone who isn’t afraid of the clowning “taboo.”

and of course you have ‘are you a clown?’

Now instead of getting mad and saying ‘Unicycles aren’t only for clowns, yadda yadda yadda’ and burning quietly away inside for hours after, you can say

‘Sure, sometimes’