Good day, fellow unicyclists 
Today I would like to share an outstanding innovation that is guaranteed to make the average unicycling experience better. There is no doubt that this amazing upgrade will revolutionize the unicycling landscape forever.
So what is this mysterious new super upgrade, might you ask? Well, as you might have seen from the title, it is an upgrade to the bearings. Specifically, huge improvements can be made to the type of lubricant found within the ball bearings that we use. With this fantastic new upgrade,
- Your cadence is guaranteed to increase by at least 33.3%*
- Your unicycle will be more friendly to the environment, using a 100% biodegradable bearing grease
- Your bearings won’t be full of unhealthy gunk that tastes funny!
Intrigued? Well, you will be happy to find out that I have first-hand experience with this upgrade… Read on to find out how YOU can make the switch!
Step 1: Clean the Bearings
In order to install our super grease, first we need to flush out the old stuff, alongside any dirt or other contaminants that might have found their way into your bearings. I will be using some… “Lightly used” bearings from my CyclePro that I had lying around.
You see, this is actually an ideal starting point. Mother Nature herself helpfully washed out most of the grease from these single-seal bearings! Unfortunately, however, this also means there is some corrosion and some dirt that found its way in there which will need to be dealt with.
I don’t think those seals are needed anymore. The increased airflow to the bearings will surely help them spin faster!
After letting them soak in mineral spirits for some time (just to be really sure that any oily, gunky residue is gone), I prepared another bath for the bearings to alleviate the rust problem.
This rust remover is some good stuff… They have the formula for it locked up in an impenetrable vault somewhere or something like that. That’s how you know it’s good at what it does!
After letting it soak for a day in the specialized rust-remover, and with a bit of scrubbing under running water to release any contaminants that remained, they turned out nicely! Already it’s spinning much more freely than before.
Now, with the bearings free of the old lubricant and any contaminants, we must prepare our home-brewed super grease!
Step 2: Prepare the Bearing Lubricant
To prepare the lubricant, first you will need to go to the grocery store and buy a pack of bacon. Ideally a thick-cut variety to be able to render more fat out of the meat.
There has been tons of debate in the cycling world over which flavor of bacon provides the most ideal lubricating qualities for bearings, which I’m sure you all are familiar with. I found a diabolical ideal flavor of bacon for these bearings in particular: cinnamon toaster flavored bacon… If you can’t find that, just go with what you like 
After cooking the whole pack, there should be plenty of bearing grease left in the pan…
While it’s still hot, carefully pour the grease through some sort of filter. I placed the bearings in small glass bowls and secured a coffee filter on top with a rubber band. After filtering out any particles that otherwise might’ve spoiled our super smooth™ bearings, you should be left with bearings filled with nice, clear grease!
Once the grease has cooled and solidified, free them from the bowl and wipe of the excess… And there you have it, bearings packed in some SUPER GREASE!
Step 3: Install your freshly-greased bearings
Time to get these bearings full of weird-tasting stuff off…
That’s looking much better! (Note that the grease has solidified a bit; it is sensitive to temperature and its cold outside… Not that it makes it a bad choice of grease or anything…)
Behold… SUPER GREASED unicycle…
Now that the SUPER GREASE is installed, you can now enjoy the super smooth riding characteristics, as well as the increased cadence*! 
From a grand total of 3 miles of intense testing, I can guarantee you won’t regret riding on these super bearings! Thanks for reading!
* - Cadence increase varies from person to person, depending on
how much faster they need to pedal to escape from pursuing animals
that smell the SUPER GREASE
Apply SUPER GREASE at your own risk. The performance characteristics
of SUPER GREASE necessitate keeping a spare pair of "normal bearings"
to use in case, for whatever reason, the bearings fail.
Date posted: April 1st, 2025 (12:00 AM CST/UTC-5)
It would test my patience and comfort as much as it would test the unicycle
Although the super grease is totally helping with that for sure