Advice column: Dear Abby

[Jethro]

Originally posted by professor_simpkin
[B]Dear Abby,

What is the most effective way of wiping your nose whilst unicycling? As soon as i get going i have problems with my nose. I try to wipe it on my sleeves but this just leaves me with the problem of snotty sleeve. (not good, especially if you get sweaty head too and, like me, resort to the natural instinct of wiping your forehead with your sleeve which leads to … well, i’m sure you can guess). The “one-fingered speed blow” can be quite effective but your have to have damn good aim to avoid hitting other unincyclists, pedestrians, small dogs, etc. Are tissues the only answer?! I don’t like them as the only recepticles you have for them on the go are either up the sleeve (snotty wrists…never pleasant) or in the pocket (and the looks you get scrabbling in your pockets hunting down soggy tissue with a bad case of nasal eruption are just not not worth the social awkwardness)
Please help as i am almost at the point of considering plastic surgery to block up the offending articles.

your hopefully

name and address supplied [/B]

Dear naas,

You need to think outside the box on this one. One way to combat snot sleeve is not to use your own sleeve. Just ride up close to someone else (preferably someone on 2 wheels) and wipe your nose on his or her shirt. And if it is one of those tight shiny ones that they paid 70 bucks for, so much the better.

Keeping my own blouses clean for 50+ years,
Abby

[leo]

Originally posted by leo
[B]Dear Abby,

I suffer AAAA-MPS-AA (Anonymous Alcoholic with a Abnormal Asynchronous Multi Personality Syndrom Along with Ambition Alergy). In brief, the different peronalities in my mind are constantly fighting each other, and I can’t live my life, so want to commit suicide. My doctor does not agree, but that’s because he don’t want to loose a frequent customer. The 2nd opinion doctor did agree. She already supplied me an euthanasia-pill. It smells really bad, and I’m affraid it tastes the same. I don’t want to have a bad taste in my mouth foreever. So, is’nt there someone who can tell me how they will taste like? And why aren’t there just euthanasia-pills with strawberry or cherry flavour?

Anonymous [/B]

D*mn! I found out these euthanasia-pills are smelly because they are over expiry date. I should sue that doctor, I could have been poisened!

Anonymous.

[PopeSamXVI]

What’s the difference between who, that, and which?

[cathwood]

Dear Abby,
This is the funniest thread I have ever read.
Wet myself laughing I did.
Thank you.
Cathy

[professor_simpkin]

dear abby,
Thank you for your informative and useful advice. I put your idea of using someone else garments to rectify my nasal sluicing problem yesterday and i’m glad to report that this slightly unusual method has actually worked. the broken nose i recieved from the mountain biker i “utilised” has stemmed the flow perfectly.
thank you once again

name and address supplied

p.s. do you know the most effective way of removeing blood from a saddle?