Paper will spontaneously combust when held anywhere near your crotch.
and I refer you to these threads:
+1
You know you’re a unicyclist when…you ride a uni while bringing out / down the garbage…
real men dont need two wheels!
when you realise you spend so much time on your unicycle that you cant ride a bike any more.
You know you’re a unicyclist when you instinctively go into “unicycle mode” while trying to ride your road bike with no hands causing you to crash embarassingly. As I stumble to my feet literally seeing flashing colors and stars, I say to myself, “NOT MY BIKE!” Gotta have your priorities. 
I did this a few years ago, thought I’d pull up the thread for interest:
You know you are a unicyclist when…
*Any one of your unicycles is worth more than your car
*You choose an apartment/flat solely on the basis of how close the trails are
*You legs are tan only to mid-thigh
*Your arm tan stops sharply at the wrist
*You shins and calves are made up of scar tissue
*The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is "How’s my unicyle?
*You actually move farther from work so that the unicycle commute will be more heavy duty
*Your work colleagues think of unicycles as a mainstream form of transport
*You mentally log every meal as “good fuel” or “bad fuel”
*You learn you have X money left after paying the bills and the first thing you do is log onto unicycle.com
*Your car, computer, microwave, dishwasher and toilet cistern are all “powered by Unicycle.com”
*You dream of winning the lottery, and the first thing you think of is how many/which unicycles can that money buy?
*You can tell your significant other with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn then take off on an epic MUni ride
*You buy a car based on whether your Coker will fit in the back
*You pull up on your steering wheel when driving up a hill
*Your car is parked in the driveway because your unicycles are parked in the garage
*You signal a turn and hit your wife
*You know the distance of every point of interest within 20miles of your house as well as the location of every pot-hole along the way
*You use a toothbrush to clean your unicycle
*It is an electric toothbrush
*You use a regular toothbrush, the electric toothbrush is for the unicycle
*You read this expecting it to be funny and then realise that it all applies to you
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When people at work start talking about unicycles too.
…your readin this thread
You know your a unicyclist when;
Your driving home from work and every fence, concrete wall etc becomes a skinny, and you think to yourself, i can ride that.
You base the purchase of your ‘New House’ on the unicycle trials petential.
The clown jokes come from passer byers.
(The best one to date is; “Is that a fixed wheel single speed”)
You’re recognized locally without your unicycle.
I usually get “where’s your bike?” I don’t bother correcting them.
-When you can’t spend 100$ on a bike but 500$ on a unicycle.
-When you are dreaming about unicycling every night.
-When you can’t put any unicycle in the shed in the backyard.
-When you draw tiny unicycles everywhere in your school works.
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Yep, even the 29" and 24" covered in mud both stay in my bedroom on top of the wardrobe :o
when strangers ask you if you’re castrated
… you can ride a unicycle…
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…when you watch more YouTube videos of unicycling than of belly dancing.
you know you’re a unicyclist when you own a unicycle and can ride it.
Woot!! my first major thread!! keep 'em comin, these are funny (but sadly true)
You know you’re a unicyclist when you refuse to walk inside you’re house, instead cleanin off your uni, and being careful!
P.S.
I’ve been wrestling for 8 years and if u take the highlighted statement, and multiply it by about 1,500, you’ll get the wrestling attitude.
You know you’re a unicyclist when…
- You look at your BMX or MTB and realize it only 1 wheel.
- Where everything that is round makes you want to unicycle.
- Your alarm clock resembles a unicycle.
- Your only purpose in life is to unicycle.
Omg I laughed so hard.
You know your a (TRUE!!!) unicyclist when:
Not only do you spend more time unicycling then with your partner, you spend more time talking about unicycling with anyone then you do talking to your partner about anything, period.
dood… like for reals i do that 