You just have to grin and bear some people...

Off-topic
1

So I have this Dodge conversion van for sale. A guy just called me at work from my driveway at home. He was looking over the van and had some questions. After pointing out all the things wrong with the van (as buyers typically do), then asked if the seats were removable. I told him that they could be removed with some effort but they were bolted to the floor and were not the quick release kind. I also informed him that the rear bench seat was electric and folded up and down so there would be wires and motors to contend with in a seat removal.

He said he would need to try it out first before buying it. Of course. I would be more than willing to let him test drive the vehicle. Then he says that he had to go to Geneva, IL this weekend (about 45 miles) and wanted to take it there and back on a test drive. He would remove the seats, except folding down the rear bench would work for him, then put it all back together again when he returns.

Okay, I can see where this is going. I said, “Look sir. I don’t think I know you (he hadn’t given me his name) and you’re looking for a one-time use. I’d be willing to let you test drive the van around the neighborhood but I’m not going to loan you the van to do some sort of job.”

His response, “Fine. If that’s the way you want to be…” and he hung up on me.

That’s even better than the first guy who called me about the van. He wanted to know if I’d be willing to paint it before I sold it to him. I told him that he could paint it any color he wanted once I had the check in hand and he signed the title. I never heard from him again.

You just have to grin and bear some people in life. We are a very unusual species.

Bruce

van.jpg

2

How many unicycles will it carry?

And can I test drive it from Minneapolis to Memphis next summer?

3

All of them. :slight_smile:

Do I know you, sir?

4

Bruce-

How much gas is in the van? What grade, regular or high octane? Does the ashtray work? Does it have an 8-track deck that will play DVD’s? What color are the tires? Are they the round kind?

5

Vanna White (van of white) does not run on gas, it runs on love. The fuel tank is always full and always seems to be spilling over. As for the grade, love gets an A+.

The ashtray does work, it’s where I keep Grandpa and my dearly departed canary.

I’m not old enough to know what an 8-track is so I can’t answer that question. Perhaps Steve Dekoekkoek can enlighten us.
8-track…hmmm…is that what those square plastic containers are stuffed in a box under the house with the Christmas stuff? Media material, you say. Is that why I could never get the tape to stick to Christmas wrapping paper?

The tires are black and bald, no wait, that’s Al Roker. I get it so confused at times.

6

Yeah. He’s an old guy, isn’t he? He may not remember, he’s deteriorating pretty quickly. Sorry to hear about the male pattern baldness on your tires. Euthanasia is probably more economical at this point than Rogaine for vans.

7

Fine, bring me out of lunch time lurke to defend the use of my name in vain.

My memory is shot and deteriorating quickly but I do have glimpses and flashbacks of an 8-track in my dad’s fancy company car: 197? Ford LTD with retractable sun roof, fake wood burl dash board, and an 8-track. I think we had one tape of classical music. Quite the neckin’ machine.

My OLDER sister and her husband had an 8-track player in their house. Their only good tape was Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs by Derek and the Dominoes.

Me, I never owned an 8-track but I can attest they did exist (to the extent you trust my memory).

I could never get the #%$&*#!&& things to re-wind.

Bruce, if you sell the van with a full tank of gas you’ve increased the value by $100.

8

Bruce,

That’s strange to have such requests…

… I think I’d be requesting a cashiers check now also …

Better luck to you with the sale.

9

Steve,

The 35-gal. tank was full just before we put it up for sale. So I decided to reduce the freebies and siphon out some of the gas. I got seven gallons before the siphon tube wouldn’t pick up any more. This was right during the height of rocketing gas prices so I think someone may have beaten me to the siphoning probably during the middle of the night.

Thanks, Dave. I guess I finally have to admit that there are strange people in the world. Hey, I’ll trade you the van for a Jeep!

10

Personally, I prefer to grin and set bears on people. That does the trick.

Phil

11

:astonished: :astonished: :astonished: :astonished:

12

:smiley:

Wow, that’s messed up Bruce.

13

I’m going to have to remember that one. I like it.

14

The denouement is at hand.

I got a call on my cell phone during Ben’s Friday night start-o-soccer tournament up in Rockford from “Ricky” who said he wanted to come look at the van. Then he unfolded the sad story of his son and his son’s three children who were suffering terribly with no mother, no employment, and no joy. His son could only scrape together $1900 to spare on a vehicle for him and his three sad, lonely children. Anything more and his children would go to school hungry. The license plate on our van was to expire in six days and the amount was $700 more than the dealer would have given me on a trade-in so I told I’d accept $1900 and would be happy to meet with him. (Listed price on the van was $2900 or best offer.) So we set a time of Saturday night at 7:00 p.m. He never showed up.

So Sunday, Brad and I are in Libertyville, IL playing soccer in the remenants of Rita when I get a call from Mary. She says that there’s a message on our machine at home from the first guy who wanted to remove the seats and take the van for an extended test drive. The message basically said, “Hey, I’m here to test drive the van and you’re not. WHERE ARE YOU?” Gee whiz, the last I remember, I’d told the guy to get lost.

Then on the way home from Libertyville, Ricky calls. I told him I’d be home shortly so we set a time of 4:00 p.m. for him to stop by. This time he showed up on time in a pretty decked out Dodge Dakota 4x4 with the same 318 motor as in our van. After he and his son, Eric, drove the van around the block, he pulled out a rubber-banded wad of cash and handed it to me. I’m not sure if he expected me to count it but I leafed through the bills right in front of him and ran out of counting money at $1500.

“We had agreed on $1900,” I told him.

“Oh, no”, he says, “I said I would try to get $1900.”

So I tried to hand the cash back and told him to come back when he had $1900. He wouldn’t take it from my hand and began a charade of whining and crying about how tough life is and could I please help him out. Still I said no. To accentuate his efforts, he pulled another $100 from his pocket and went into another crying and whining fit. Meanwhile, his son stood by looking very sad. Again I told him no, so this time his son pulls out $100 from his pocket and adds it to the kitty. At this point, I’m starting to wonder how many more 100 dollar bills they have in their pockets.

But finally I see Mary standing in the picture window in the front of the house indiscreetly nodding her head. So I figure cash in hand is pretty good and it’s still $500 more than we would have received on a trade-in. Besides, I had just gotten a $10 parking ticket for having the van parked in the street with For Sale signs on it and the van parked in the driveway was so in the way. Convenience costs, I suppose.

So I signed the title over to him and they drove away happy. I’m not so sure I’m as happy with the denoument but I am estatic that we can move on to bigger and better things.

As Ricky’s about to climb in the van, he looks in the back and says, “Yeah, these seats can come out. You’ve already talked to my brother about it.”

15

I can’t believe you would stick it to my brother, Ricky, that way. He’s got more kids than he lets on, too. There are alot of mouths to feed and we are beginning to run short on C-notes. He tried hard to raise the $1900, he just didn’t look in all his pockets. And I only wanted to test drive the van with the seats out to lighten the load and see how fast it would go. I think you’re paranoid.

16

What Nigerians can’t accomplish good old fashioned American ingenuity gets done.

17

Nationalistic isolationist.

18

That’s soooo … ^&$&))^%$^%*

You did OK.
You never know what can happen months down the road.
Something mechanical could have cost you even more… $$$

Did you feel some relief seeing it go …?
(I know I would)

:smiley:

19

You mean you’re related to Sticky Ricky? He must have gotten the short end of the good looks stick in the family. He just didn’t compare to your raving beauty. I also didn’t know you were Hispanic. Were you adopted? Or is this more of a brotherhood-type brother relationship?

How do C-notes taste? I’ve never tried them. How are they prepared? Boiled, broiled, laundered?

20

That’s always a good possibility. Only thing is we put $1800 worth of work into the van and had the top half of the engine rebuilt a year and a half ago. It ran like new. But that’s just the way it goes in the used vehicle market. It did need new tires and had a couple other good defects. And I took out and saved the van’s new floor mat to use in Ben’s Jeep. That saved another $4!

So yes, I’m glad to see it go, no matter the price. There’s a certain pressure that builds the longer a used vehicle lies in wait for a buyer. It is a relief.

Bruce