>On Fri, 18 Nov 1994 s.d.haynes@ic.ac.uk wrote: > >> Do anybody have any witty replies to comments like; >> >> ‘Lost ye’ other wheel mate?’ >> > There are loads of these, and you’re bound to think of some of your own. The > most effective I’ve found is 'that’s the nth time I’ve heard that one > today’. I find that I get the comments on average once every 3 miles, or > once every half an hour. That’s enough to be extremely irritating.
Uh, this is a witty response?
> > The best response I’ve heard of is one that I haven’t tried yet. Get off > your uni, twat the person responsible and ride off.
That must involve a different definition of ‘twat’ than I’ve heard of (but then
I’m just an American).
Rec.juggling had a thread on this awhile back, and some of the more interesting
responses were more on the order of:
Real men (women) don't need two wheels. I'm paying for it in
installments. You're kidding, it was there last time I looked (and
promptly fall off) I didn't put enough locks on it. I loaned the other
wheel to a friend. Sit here and make sure he comes by. /
>Do anybody have any witty replies to comments like; > > ‘Lost ye’ other wheel mate?’ > >Any ideas gratefully received,
Ironic how most people seem to think we ride for their amusement… maybe that’s
true, but only secondarily at least in my case. It’s my feeling that unicycling,
like everything else in life, should be an expression of positivity so I don’t
really want to give answers that will hurt.
But usually when this question gets asked, no answer is expected or even
desired. You are being made the butt of a joke, which is technically speaking,
verbal abuse even if the speaker doesn’t realize
it. There are a number of different responses to abuse.
Most of the time the speaker thinks he/she is being friendly in a clever sort of
way. They don’t realize how unoriginal they are and how hard it becomes to find
polite replies. If the speaker is only “speaking to hear his head rattle” then
s/he will probably fail to hear or understand it any witty rejoinder you make.
You simply have to gauge your audience when choosing a response.
) Ignore it and ride on.
Smile and ride on.
Say “I don’t need a training wheel any more.”
Laugh maniacally and say “What a wit!” (or in some cases, twit)
Say “I’ve never heard that before!” (varying degree of sarcasm as applicable)
Keep count of how many times you’ve heard that question and make that number
your response, ie “364!” As time goes on, people in your neighborhood will
get the message.
I got the idea for this one from an old joke about a kook jumping up and
down on a manhole cover chanting “83, 83, 83”. A twit comes over and asks
why. The kook pulls the cover aside and invites the twit to look down the
hole, then shoves him in. Then he replaces the cover and starts jumping up
and down chanting “84, 84, 84”.
“If it were up your a-- you’d know where it was!” (and smile when you say
dat–dem’s fightin’ woids)
Enunciate clearly from speaking distance or s/he will parse it as “It’s up
my ass, that’s where it is!”
I’m going to try “Real men/women don’t need two wheels” next time…
> My problem with these wise-cracks is that they never seem to be set up right. > I will be riding along, trying to cross a driveway, looking both ways for > cars simultaneously whilst paying attention to the sudden slope in the > footpath (sidewalk), and the crack in bitumen, and the access-hole cover and > all I hear is some voice from somewhere (I don’t have time to look behind me > to see who it is) saying “Ostuvveellmt?”, more in the direction of their > friends than towards > me. By the time I parse the sentence, and work out what was said, I am 20 > metres down the road, and missed my chance.
This is where a handgun comes in handy. For those states where shooting people
is illegal, you can substitute a dart/paint/water gun…
> How about “Naah. I lost the other wheel that way”? I will have to give that > one a try.
Yeah - “That’s what happened to the other wheel!” Great idea. Or, “Nah, I can
only go UP” and quickly leave so they don’t get a chance to make you do it…or
make a crude comment about what parts of your anatomy might get crushed if you
did that…
I just tell 'em that I got in an accident, and the other one’s up my
(fill in the blank). Wouldn’t want to pervert the mailing list, I
don’t want anything nasty credited to my name. Karl
> Akuma writes: > > The most effective I’ve found is 'that’s the nth time I’ve heard that one > > today’. > > Uh, this is a witty response? >
Perhaps not particularly witty, but very effective. It makes the heckler
look suitably stupid, and his friends always love it.
> That must involve a different definition of ‘twat’ than I’ve heard of…
Thump is the definition in this context.
> Rec.juggling had a thread on this awhile back, and some of the more > interesting responses were more on the order of:
You saved my post :-). I'm flattered - I hadn't saved them myself and I
couldn't remember them all this far on. I'm glad you think some of my
responses are witty. (Actually not all of them were mine, but half of them
were. My favourite was 'Real men only need one wheel').