What Cyclists Say and What They Mean

This was posted to alt.rec.bicycles.recumbent. I can imagine people saying some
of these things on a muni ride:

> This originally comes from a column in Bicycling magazine entitled
> “Parlez-Vous Bike? - What Cyclists Say and What They Mean.” By Scott Martin
>
> This trail is a blast (I hope you have good medical insurance)
>
> I think I might have a flat tire (Slow down, will ya?)
>
> I definitely have a flat tire (Help me change it)
>
> I don’t have a low enough gear (I’ve gained 5 pounds)
>
> I’ve decided to buy a lighter bike (I’ve gained 10 pounds)
>
> I’m taking up clog dancing (I’ve gained 25 pounds)
>
> I’m carbo loading (Pass the ice cream)
>
> I’m tapering (I haven’t ridden in 2 months)
>
> The rebound was off, so I modified the damping. But then the elastomers were
> too dense, so I changed the oil and got rid of the stiction (I have a new
> suspension fork and you don’t!)
>
> If you’re a good bike handler, you don’t need to wear a helmet (I’m so stupid
> a brain injury wouldn’t affect me)
>
> Nobody needs a dual-suspension mountain bike (I can’t afford a dual-suspension
> mountain bike)
>
> Dual suspension is the only way to go (I just dropped 3 months’ salary on a
> dual-suspension mountain bike)
>
> She’s a hammer (She’s faster than me)
>
> He’s a geek (I’m faster than him)
>
> I bonked (All I took for a 4-hour ride was a half-empty bottle of month-old OJ
> and a mouldy Twinkie)
>
> If you don’t crash, you’re not going fast enough, dude! (I crash a lot)
>
> I do all my own bike maintenance (When I squeeze the front brake lever, the
> bike shifts gears)
>
> Thanks for waiting (Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face)
>
> Hey, did you guys hear about those new 1.8 gram carbon- fiber quick- release
> skewers with titanium springs? (I am a very lonely person)
>
> This section of trail looks doable (You first, sucker)
>
> I want to ride my bike to work, but… (I don’t want to ride my bike to work)
>
> He’s such a wheel sucker. (I can’t drop him)
>
> She’s always half-wheeling me. (I can’t keep up with her)
>
> The town-line sprint is 100 yards beyond the next bend (The town-line sprint
> is 200 yards beyond the next bend)
>
> Been riding much? (How fit are you ?)
>
> Not much. You? (My anaerobic threshold is 250 and my resting pulse is 14)
>
> Nah, I’ve been really busy. (My body fat is 2%)
>
> Well, let’s take it easy today. (Ready, set go!)
>
> Hold on, there’s something wrong with my bike. (Let’s stop so I can rest)
>
> My tires suck! (This climb is killing me!)
>
> Can you clear that drop-off? (I can, but I bet you can’t)
>
> It’s getting dark. (I wanna go home)
>
> This bike is a piece of shit! (I can’t ride worth shit)
>
> I think I broke my arm. (There’s a little bruise on my arm and I don’t want to
> ride anymore)
>
> I’d jump that but I don’t want to tweak my new rims. (I’m too chicken to try)
>
> This hill is easy. (This trail’s pretty tough but I’m gonna try and lose
> you on it)
>
> That trail is boring. (I know I can’t make it)
>
> Last one down is buying. (I’ll make you feel like a loser and get a free
> beer too!)
>
> My bike was acting funny. (Otherwise I would have whooped your butt!)
>
> He’s pretty good. (I know I’m better than him)
>
> He sucks! (He’s better than me)
>
> That thing’s a piece of shit. (I wish I had one…)


Danny Colyer (remove your.mind to reply)
http://www.speedy5.freeserve.co.uk/danny/danny.html “The secret of life is
honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made” -
Groucho Marx