http://stoney.sb.org/uujokes.html had many UU jokes, here’s a select few:
A UU meeting must seem strange to outsiders. A person will speak and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees.
“The General answers his own phone. Must be a Unitarian.”
- Col. Sherman Potter, M.A.S.H 4077
From the Simpsons:
Bart is playing Billy Graham’s Bible Busters in which you zap people and convert them to Christianity. Bart is really getting into the game and after zapping a guy he exclaims “Alright I got him”. Ned Flanders’ boys reply, “No you just winged him, now he’s a Unitarian.”
A man was being given a tour of Hell by the Devil. “This is the area where we keep people who have violated the food taboos of their religion”, the Devil said. “Behind this first door are the Catholics. These are the ones who ate meat on Friday. Behind the second door are the Jews. They all ate pork. Behind the third door are the Unitarians.” The man looked puzzled. The Devil clarified, “They didn’t partake of tofu, hummus, or free-trade coffee.”
What’s the difference between an agnostic, an atheist, and a Unitarian?
I don’t know, and I don’t care one way or the other.
For Jews, the deity is YHWH.
For UU’s, YMMV.
Do UU’s ever pray?
Only when they think a Democrat is going to lose an election.
A visitor asked why there were two churches in the tiny village.
The villager replied: “One says there ain’t no hell. The other says the hell there ain’t.”
Does drinking decaf make you a UU Lite?
How many UUs does it take to change a light bulb?
An undetermined number. We choose not to make a statement either in favor of, or against, the need for a light bulb.
However, if on your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that’s fine.
You are invited to form a committee, write a poem or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday’s service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
– From “Solitaire, Poker and Seeing God” by Roger Peltier, 3/14/04, and as quoted from personal correspondence with Joan Goodwin.
How many UU’s does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why would anyone want to change a lightbulb?
You May Be A Unitarian Universalist If…
you think socks are too formal for a Summer service.
even your goldfish gets to vote on family TV viewing choices.
you consider Charlie Brown & Dilbert to be spiritual leaders.
you know at least 5 ways to say Happy holidays!
your Christmas tree has 7 symbols on its top.
unleavened bread is part of your Easter Brunch.
you find yourself lighting a chalice before brushing your teeth.
if when you watch Jaws you root for the shark. (“Hey, sharks have to eat too!”)
belly-dancing has ever been part of a Sunday service.
on Hallowe’en you explain to everyone the Pagan significance of their costumes.
you consider Groucho, Harpo & Chico to be the “Holy Trinity.”
the “X-Files” is a regular source of your church’s sermons.
you consider Millard Fillmore one of the greatest U.S. Presidents. (He was Unitarian).
you think “Whatever” is a valid theological point.
I am The Very Model of a Modern Unitarian
by Christopher Gist Raible
Sung to “I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General”
from “The Pirates of Penzance”.
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian,
Far broader than a Catholic, Hindu, Jew or Presbyterian.
I know the world’s religions and can trace their roots historical
From Moses up to Channing, all in order categorical.
I’m very well acquainted, too, with theories theological,
On existential questions I am always wholly logical,
About most any problem I am teeming with a lot of views,
I’m full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty pews.
Chorus:
We’re full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty pews.
We’re full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty pews.
We’re full of fine ideas that should fill our church’s empty empty pews.
I quote from Freud and Jung and all the experts psychological.
I’m anti nuke, I don’t pollute I’m chastely ecological.
In short, in matters spiritual, ethical, material,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.
Chorus:
In short, in matters spiritual, ethical, material,
We are the very model of a modern Unitarian.
