Last year I worked on an event with many presidents, kings/queens, dictators, ministers, and other criminals.
The location was bombed (whats in a name) to international area, and so the United Nations Police was in charge.
The many police-(wo)men/dogs/horses, militair-police, soldiers, secret-service, security, regular national police (not allowed to do anything), helicopters, tanks, etc. etc. were making it nasty to enter the building.
Like the stilt walkers trough the metal-detector (“please follow me” and examine their bodies).
And like my coffee-helmet trough the x-ray (“what’s that?” “well, exactly what it looks like: a helmet with a coffee-can on it” “uhm…well…okay… you may pass!”).
Hours latere, finaly inside, the chief of UN-Police start hitting one of our female-stilt walker (such a brave hero, wearing so many medals, now hitting a woman!!!).
Right after that incident I witnessed him being told the things he already knew (that we were booked by the goverment).
However later -when I ride my mini-bicycle and let people atemp to ride- he came over to me.
Before he reached me I decide to handle the best tactic to drive this kind of people crazy: remain calm, fight with clever arguments in stead of use of any form of violence.
he, annoyed:
> “You can not ride you bike over here”.
I, obvious fake smiling:
< “Well, this floor is excellent”.
he, now more annoyed:
> “No, I mean in this building”.
I, obvious fake suprised:
< “really? I don’t believe it I’ve performed here several times before. I love it”.
he, even more annoyed:
> “No I mean for the safity”.
I fake thankfull:
< “Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m experienced”.
he, now angry:
> “No not for you, for the people”.
I, overfriendly helpfull:
< “Oh, its not dangerous. Try it yourself, I will help you”.
he, shouting:
> “No I don’t wanne ride your bike, this is a international conference!”.
(meanwhile 4 extreme tall/strong almost-as-wide-as-long UN-police officers start surrounding me)
I, calm explaining the things I knew he knewed:
< “Yes, I know that, that’s why I’m here”.
he, hopeless:
> "But bla bla |
I interupt:
< “Look, they booked me to ride this bike over here, doooh youu understand?”.
he, bossy/cranky:
> "Yes, but bla |
I turn arround and drive away, not too fast, but leaving them doubting what to do.
After then I was followed by these 5 men who care very seriously about international security.
It’s hard to work when such circumstances last long.
So I start playing them, I go one floor up; they follow, I go one floor down; they follow, I go one floor up; they follow, a.s.o, a.s.o.
After a while they lost me and I pass them from behind.
Finaly they decided to do something other usefull something.
And I continue to the regular animation, and drop an o-so-friendly smile to the chief each time I meet him again.
During the break I met some of the almost-as-wide-as-long guys.
In line for lunch I find out that actualy one of them wants to try my mini-bike.
When I offer him to help he sais “no, no, I don’t dare, I’m wearing this uniform”.
Man, such hero with so many medals, but too scared to ride a mini bike.
