Well i did some speech on unicycling for school, my mates thought is was funny and worthy of the forums, so hear it is…
New Zealand versus Italy. Said to be the greatest achievement of soccer in New Zealand to date. Drawing with arguably the best soccer team in the world. The world Champions. And then there’s the Rugby world cup. The All Blacks, the crown jewel of our proud nation. Training to become world champions… But no sport can boast such manliness, such masculinity, such ball crushing intensity as a sport we all know and love. Unicycling.
It’s just so extreme, so dangerous and daring. What more thrilling thing can you think of then riding down the road on ONE WHEEL? Or bunny hoping up ENTIRE STAIRS? The very idea of it gets my blood pumping. You ride with the constant threat of doing yourself damage in more places than you would like. Many sports out there can break your legs, arms, necks; just silly things like that. But unicycling can crush the very core of your manhood. It can not only damage you at present. But can smudge away your future family, its can destroy poor little Timmy before he even has a chance…
But despite the damage that can be done to ones manlihood, unicycling is the most powerful womanising force in the universe. What woman can resist the unicyclists sweaty right bicep? His face dripping perspiration from his messed hair to his straight determined mouth? Woman can’t help but faint when they see the unicyclist place his odorous leg covered in stylish leg armour onto the pedal to mount and ride. It’s plain basic truth. We can’t escape it, and you all know it to be true. Trials bikers, skateboarders, free runners and longboarders look on enviously as flocks of woman crowd and swoon over the ridiculously popular and sought after pro unicyclists.
Now lets be honest. Whenever you look at a free runner flipping down the street, or a skateboarder rumble on by, the first word that comes to mind is… poor. These other sports put of an image to all others around, hey im poor, I can’t afford a unicycle. Laugh at me and throw your food scraps in my general direction. How can a sport even try to put across the idea that it is manly, when all it says to those around is, I cant even afford to buy my own meals, I have no reason to live. It is a sad fact that in most cases this is true, as we all know, all free runners are just adept shop-lifters who have perfected their evading skill. And skateboarders… are just gay.
Furthermore, the unicycle is a much more space efficient way of transport. So when you’re in your little apartment in japan. And you have your barbeque in the corner, your large tv and comfy couch to watch the sport, your mini fridge filled with your favourite beer, and there just isn’t any space for your motorbike, a unicycle is the perfect solution. Not only will it fit, but as its half the size, its half the weight, and therefore, twice as fast.
Believe it or not, as ridiculous as this sounds, there are some people in the world who don’t respect unicycling as much as we do. There is a group on facebook called ‘I have a life, LOL just kidding, I unicycle’ however, this group has a measly 134 followers. A mere trifle in comparison to a more recent group named, ‘Oh, you unicycle? Excuse me while i take my clothes off…’ which holds a colossal fan base of 274. The message here is clear. Those who think poorly of unicycling, are a sad little minority who cry to there mummies everyday about how there lunchtime sandwiches didn’t have the spread on thick enough. And that is all.
We all know that unicycling is the most manly sport in existence. We all understand how extreme it is and know and respect the female popularity it attracts. We understand the respect it garnishes and that those who think negatively of it are just lost little cry babies. Really I’ve been preaching to the converted. I’m just glad to retell you all that you know, about why this great sport is the manliest sport, in the existence of mankind
