OK, I can’t hold back any longer. I’ve been thinking about this too much and that post about Ultimate Frisbee put me over the edge.
There is an old joke about the religion of Frisbian. A Frisbian believes that life is a cosmic ultimate Frisbee game where the teams are the forces of good and evil and Frisbees represent the souls. All Frisbees are always in play. A Frisbian does not believe in heaven or hell, they just believe when you die your soul goes up on the roof and you can’t get it down.
Now, I need some help developing Unicycling as a religion.
First, a name. The Universalist Unitarians already took the obvious one and Unicyclitarion just doesn’t flow well.
Second, the theology. Clearly we are MonoWheelistic but will tolerate multiple wheels if they are stacked and all support is still solely on one wheel.
Our Trials are obvious and our Temptations present themselves with how we respond to “Where’s your other wheel?” and “Are you practicing to be a clown?”.
We have many sects: Freestyle, Trials, Muni, and Street to name a few.
What about eternal rewards and punishment? I recently threatened some of my riding buddies with banishment to unicycle purgatory: You spend eternity riding stomach on seat, you are wearing only a thong and the demons are all equipped with cricket paddles.
It’s the weekend and all those other guys are having fun at Moab. Let’s have some fun but please don’t slam any real religions.
Unipsychlism? Our struggle in life is to search for and maintain perfect balance and oneness in the universe . For what is life but a single spinning wheel on which our spirits travel down the road to the infinite? Though in our journey we are never truely balanced. We will at times stumble and falter, and to maintain stability we must constantly make corrections by throwing our arms and body in the opposite direction that gravity would like us to go. But as we continue in our one-wheeled quest, our faltering becomes less and the corrections needed become smaller.
We’ve had the Quakers and the Shakers, now it’s time for the Breakers. Our mission in the eternal revolution of oneness is to break as many of those terrible two wheeled unicycle things and convert them all to unicycles
MY EYES HAVE BEEN OPENED!! (It happens each time I blink)
A vision was planted in my brain
Through (religious) practice we shall strive balance until we enter the era of bliss which will last forever. Nevermore shall man wonder and enquire about “the other wheel”. The broken cranks shall be healed and no seat shall cause pain to the ***** of the faithfull.
research may prove that Man invented Wheel (not the other way round)
Some may have the impression that Wheel has a will of it’s own, bu t
this is an illusion: though every simple move can be described thru the law of physics the combination cannot be deduced because of the chaotic nature of our moves
UniWheelism is a religion much akin to chamanism: the physical experience is part of the spiritual feeling. the reason is not yet well
understood:it is generally thought that the effort raises the level of endorphins (just like in long distance running) but it is also possible
that the brain gets modifications from intensive spatial precognition
(a condition first recognized in London’s cabbies).
See these people are just trying to be different rather than stepping in line with the UUA ( http://www.uua.org ). What possible purpose does such vain, self-indulgent individualism serve? Their “About” section still acknowledges the one true (word) order, after all.
Or else they’re actually a sleeper cell of Trinitarians waiting for the right moment to shake the foundation of UU. Michigan should be on theologic orange alert or something. There must be some coded message embedded in there somewhere.
Simple, John, simply doesn’t work. Simple means anyone can join. Simple means no opportunity to confound with esoterica, arcana, and complexity.
Anyone can say, “gee I like unicycling” and then do it. But a religion of unicycling requires a power structure and vast opportunities for interpretation, debate, point-counterpoint, and, of course, excommunication!
Hmmm, kind of like RSU. Maybe we already have a religion after all.
Anyway, simple really takes the fun out of it, I think.
I think it’s because it started out Universalist, then added the Unitarian part. The church is old, dating back to the 1850s. It’s one of the oldest buildings in Farmington.
Why do unicyclists have to be such nerds?
In which case, you’re really not going to like this one. How about the even-simpler “Unians?” Kind of like Raleans, only (we hope) with a little more substance in the science department.
I like the ideas people have been putting up, about unicycling philosophy. It reminds me of some of the stuff Jean Asher used to use in his letters in the 1980s, about stuff like “One world, one people, one wheel,” etc. Please send in more!
