My parents tell me that having a child was the best thing that has ever happened to them, that being a parent is the most rewarding experinence one could have.
After a period of introspection and deliberation, I’ve found no motivation nor desire to have a child of my own. I certainly don’t hate children; I’ve enjoyed interacting with the young children of friends and family. I just don’t want my own… or at least that’s how I feel right now.
Since I’ve disclosed these feelings to my parents, they’ve since become very disappointed with me. Am I a bad person?
What are your thoughts and feelings about having children?
I was kind of like you. I didn’t really care for the idea of having kids. I don’t think that is uncommon among men. That’s what the women in our lives are for.
They make us think about something bigger than ourselves. I could not imagine life without my kids. Really one of the greatest rewards life can give you is children.
I was the one in my marriage who initially wanted kids. My wife didn’t really want any, but at some point after we’d been married a couple of years decided we should have one.
There is something uniquely visceral about the love one feels for ones child.
If she’s the one, you might want to take a close look at your sig line. Grab another set of principals. I was very happy before kids. My wife is the most important thing in the world to me. I wasn’t harcore set against having kids, but hard a hard time seeing myself as a Dad. I went with my wifes wishes because I would hang the Moon for her. We now have two of the mst beautiful children anyone could hope for. When I come home from work and they run to the door screaming Daddy, Daddy, Daddy it completes my day. When they beg for my attention and want a hug and kiss before bed it makes my day. Teaching my oldest to ride a uni was unbelievable, and the same with riding a bike. My oldest is only 5, and this summer she jumped off a high dive with out anyone coaxing her to do it. She rode the Scream Machine at Six Flags with me. Today she came home from school, and I met her at the bus. She had gotten 9 smilies on her weekly report, and was beamming from ear to ear. Do you love your girlfriend? Would you deny her these things because your selfish? You may think having kids is for her, but in the end it will really be for you.
I never particularly wanted to have kids. I accidentally got pregnant when I was 17. I dumped the father cause he was useless and he and his parents wanted me to have an abortion. A year later I got married and I seemed right that my daughter should have a sibling (although I didn’t have an overwhelming desire to have another child per se - the first one was difficult enough). The love you feel for your child is one of the most intense experiences you can have but given the choice (when it wasn’t an emotional child or abortion choice) I could have quite happily lived a selfish (in that I could spend all my money and time on myself) life.
I now have two grown up daughters who are great. I also have an eight year old son. I fear that life will not be easy for him cos he’s as strange as I am but it’s more difficult to be odd when you’re a boy. My heart breaks for him.
As much as it pains me to do so, I’m going to agree with Bugman on this one.
The responsibilities of a family have made me grow up (a little), and the rewards and the love I’ve shared with my wife and our two children have been infinitely pleasing. Sharing interests and enjoying my little ones’ unique drives and experiences have been the greatest buzz in life.
The good feelings and fulfillment are impossible to describe to someone with no kids. It’s like convincing a non-uni rider how great the feeling of uni’ing is.
But it’s awesome and it gives your relationship with your partner a HUGE new dimension.
Taking the advice of someone who has children and loves them is like taking the advice of someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as her personal savior: "Jesus has been the greatest buzz in life. The good feelings and fulfillment are impossible to describe to someone [with no kids, or…] who has not accepted Jesus. [sorry for mincing your words, Stevyo]
There are too many unwanted children. Don’t raise unwanted children.
Even the “wanted” children fill the psychotherapists’ schedule when they grow up. And become addicts, and suicide, and…
About 50% of couples in the USA choose to live free of children. It’s your choice. Not one to be made lightly. Children are a great joy for some.
Cathy: I’m sure you can see having children as a selfish decision [“gimme gimme”], just as not having children is, if such decisions truly fit on the “selfish” dimension at all.
Fortunately for me, my wife is the youngest, so her parents already have six grand children and don’t put any pressure on us. I think my mom is disappointed that I don’t want children, but my father sometimes expresses regret for having children and thinks it’s just fine if I don’t have children. I love my father because he doesn’t sugar coat anything.
The thing about children is, everyone who has them says children are the best thing ever, but what else can they say? Short of being bad parents, all they can do is focus on the joys and pray for grace through the misery.
That’s interesting: why is it more difficult to be odd as a boy? Something I have never really thought about.
On begetting: I have decided that, if and when the moment comes, I shall not beget more than one. I am pleased that I have that choice, for I am sure that in not many years, someone in a position of authority will finally get the message that it is a freedom that the world cannot cope with for much longer. And boy, is that going to be an argument worth listening to.
Maestro: nothing wrong with wanting no kids. Expecting the same from your girl will result in very testing times, but at least she knows how you feel.
What if you were an avid bicyclist, and someone said that unicycling is the greatest joy in the world, but you won’t know it till you try it?
You prolly wouldn’t believe them, but now, you know they really were right.
