An old email i found whilst going through my outlook inbox.
You have probably read this before but here i go, if you havn’t it should be worth a chuckle:
Bet you can’t read this without laughing!
To all my bommy pastard mates,
I hope your fits tall off Lith waughter
Subject: In Memory of Ronnie Barker
>>>This was originally shown on on BBC TV back in
>> the seventies. Ronnie
>> Barker
>>>could say all this without a snigger (though god
>> knows how many
>> takes).
>>>Irony is that they received not one complaint.
>> must have been the speed
>> of
>>>delivery was too much for the whining herds. try
>> getting through it
>> without
>>>converting the spoonerisms as you read;
>>>
>>> This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly
>> isters.
>>>
>>> Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a
>> marge lansion.
>> Rindercella
>>>worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss
>> pits, and shivelling
>> shot.
>>>At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
>>>
>>> The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One
>> was called Mary
>> Hinge,
>>>and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they
>> were really forrible
>>>huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.
>> The sugly isters had
>>>tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts
>> would not let
>> Rindercella
>>>go.
>>>
>>> Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her
>> gairy fodmother appeared.
>> Her
>>>name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light
>> rucking fesbian. She turned
>> a
>>>pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge
>> farriage with six dandy
>>>ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks
>>>
>>> The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be
>> back by dimnlight
>> otherwise,
>>>there would be a cucking falamity.
>>>
>>> At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the
>> prandsome hince when
>>>suddenly the clock struck twelve. “Mist all
>> chucking frighty!!!” said
>>>Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over
>> ollocks, so dropping
>> her
>>>slass glipper.
>>>
>>> The very next day the prandsome hince knocked
>> on Rindercella’s door
>> and
>>>the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty
>> Swallocks lifted her leg
>> and
>>>let off a fig bart. “Who’s fust jarted??” asked
>> the prandsome hince.
>> “Blame
>>>that fugly ucker over there!!” said Mary Hinge.
>> When the stinking brown
>>
>>>cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on
>> both the sugly isters
>>>without success and their feet stucking funk.
>>>
>>> Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave
>> the prandsome hince a
>>
>>>knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as
>> he had bucking fuge
>> halls
>>>and a hig bard on.
>>>
>>> He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and
>> it fitted pucking
>>>ferfectly.
>>>
>>> Rindercella and the prandsome hince were
>> married. The pransome hince
>>
>>>lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella
>> lived hers with a
>> follen
>>>swanny.
So neriously, fat thas wunny!