My wife hates my unicycle and she hates the fact that I ride the unicycle, especially in front of her co-workers.
She never came outright and said so, but she has never shown a feather of enthusiasm or interest in my obsession either. She changes the subject whenever I mention the subject of unicycles, especially when guests are over. She sighs a lot when I say I am going out for a ride. She sometimes tells me that I should get a bike if I want to ride around. When others make clown jokes, she laughs along, and says things like "This is yet another one of Mark’s eccentric “phases”.
Otherwise, everything is fine and dandy with our relationship, except for this one boring detail.
I’m not asking for advice from anyone out there, because I deal with it, understanding that she is human, and none of us are perfect.
And yet I do wonder if I am the only one out there who has a spouse who does not “understand”. Any riders out there with spouses or girlfriends or boyfriends who are highly discouraging of the wonderous sport of unicycling?
My boyfriend hates eerything about unicycles and the fact that I ride one. He actually comes out right and says it. He associates it with clowns etc. He actually “forbid” me to get my first one, but well I didnt listen. Now he is saying that I cant get a giraffe because theyre dangerous… I have a feeling that soon Im going to get one anyway, dispite his protest. but yes, he hates everything about unicycles.
Life is sooo much simpler if you learn to unicycle first, then pick up the significant other at a unicycle club, then start a joint collection of unis and plan your big holidays around unicycle events.
If he wants me to come camping with him (and he does) he at least has to pretend he’s interest in unicycling. And he does - even half-heartedly tries to ride one now & again.
Unfortuanatley this doesn’t extend to organising holidays around the uni calendar, although we did all go to BUC this year.
Spouse is different. That’s a much stronger committment, and it implies something to do with time. Spouses who have problems with our unicycling usually don’t mind the actual unicycles or riders. What they mind is the time that gets taken away from them. You can’t take it all. If your spouse doesn’t have some equivalent form of activity to occupy her/his time, you have to limit your unicycle time to be fair to them.
It could be worse. Your wife could start to call herself a Unicycle Widow. She could make up nice ‘Unicycle Widow’ polo shirts and wear them with her friends (like Amy Drummond) at the conventions. Yeah, I know, at least she goes to the conventions. In my case it’s so she can get away from her stressful job.
Your unicyce widow might write an article for On One Wheel: The Top Ten Ways to Tell if You’re a Unicycle Widow.
She tells me I must find “a balance.” When used that way, the word is a bit galling. But she’s right. If unicycling is more important to you than your spouse/significant other, you are not being fair to them to stay with them. Figure out your “balance.”
MY gf thought I was joking the 1st time I said I rode one… Then she thought it was a bit weird… and was nervous whenever I rode, afraid that I’d kill myself… Now she accepts it and encourages it (helps that I lost a ton of weight doing it)…
My MOM on the other hand thinks it’s more of a clown thing… even after seeing me muni…
I have so many problems with what you wrote.
FIRSTLY, Spouse and boyfriend aren’t that different in all cases. Incase you didnt know we live together, and have been in a serious relationship for 4 years. We share money, and money issues. And have the deepest most sincere relationship I can imagine. How does a stupid peice of legal paper saying we are married change that? So how is spouce a much stronger commitment than boyfriend/girlfriend in this case? And perhaps youll still look down apon our relationship in your all mighty judging way and say “me and my wife have been married insert gigantic number here” and then judge us and our commitment because weve only been with eachother 4 years, maybe you wont. But if you do I think youre ignorant. I found your statement to be absolutly insulting to myself, my relationship, and to a whole group of people who live their entire lives in common law, because they feel no need for the church or government to officiate their relationship.
and also, you have no right to tell my boyfriend to grow up, because you dont know him or how mature he is. All you know is he didnt want me to ride a unicycle and he doesnt want me to get a giraffe. How immature for him to be worried about my saftey. I personally wish he didnt worry so that I could just get my giraffe, but he does worry, because he wants (to quote you) “time” with me and doenst want me to kill myself. Perhaps hes ignorant to the sport and doesnt realize that it isnt that dangerous, but not immature thank you.
As an end note, Im not usually so mean and ranty, and pissy- your comment really just struck me wrong. I also hope that I didnt offend you, however I do realize my all mighty comment may, and in an after thought thought I may have gone a bit too far, but alass its been said.
Laws can be broken
Can you back that up with some proof?
I know people who have been a couple for 40 some years, and not married. Are you telling me that theyre not in the same level of conmitment as a couple married for 10 years? Thats absolute bull. So someone who doesnt believe in the institution of marriage will never have a commited relationship? Thats absolute bull. You cant base everyones experiances on your one experiance. You cant tell me that we’re not committed because we sont have a peice of paper and a law saying we’re married?
I’m just saying it’s not the same. No matter how much you want it to be. Why do you think so many people want same sex marriages/civil unions? Being together, and not leaving the relationship is not the same as standing in front of a group of people, or the government and professing your commitment. If you break your commitment there are no consequences, if I break mine, I am subject to all the laws that pertain to a marriage. If We stay together I am given all the privilages. If your happy, that’s fine, but it isn’t the same thing. Do you have a contract? Words don’t mean much in court. Trust doesn’t mean much in court. Paper does. It is the physical manifestation of commitment. It says “I am so confident and commited that I am willing to subject myself to a higher authority to keep me accountable.” Whether that is the government or the Church.
If I leave the relationship there are no consequesces?
Can you name the consequences?
Because all I can think of are having to do the paper work to get out of it, which is just undoing the paper work you did to get into it. How is that significant?
As for dividing things we’d still have to do that.
As for moving into seperate places still have that one
what else?
I dont see your point and am insulted by your narrow minded opinions of what makes a relationship commited.
I dont need a higher authority to keep me accountable. I have my own morals to keep me accountable in the relationship. All what you said there says to me, is that you are weak and need someone else to keep you in line.
I’m really not that narrow minded. That’s just something people say when thay don’t have logic to support their arguments.
It isn’t the same. Your boyfriend can take his stuff and walk out the door today and never have to answer to anyone but himself. I on the other hand have to answer to a judge, who will decide what’s mine and what’s hers. To be willing to put everything you have on the line to profess your love/commitment and legally bind yourself to another makes you much more vulnerable. The willlingness to be that vulnerable is evidence of the commitment, that you are saying you have. Show me the evidence.
What about a trip to the Hospital? Do you get all the same privilages? Or do all the narrow minded people keep you from having those privilages? Legal/Formal agreements by definition are a higher form of commitment. Hand shakes and pillow talk don’t mean much in court.
By the way don’t take any of this too personally. I am in an argumentative mood and have just had a few Margaritas.
I dunno, maybe youre not famillar with common law laws. However he cant just take things which we’ve purchased and leave. Common law requires splitting of “goods” as well. Perhaps the laws are different in Nova Scotia.
Under health insurence common law is as good as married.
Theres more in my relationship than handshakes and pillow talk. rolls eyes
So your under his or he is under your health insurance? I thought health insurance was free up there, or is that just Canada?
So what’s the evidence? As for Common Law… it is not really enforced here since it is difficult to prove that there is a commitment beyond cohabitation. Words don’t mean much in court. Words don’t mean much in general, that’s why we have laws and contracts. Too keep both parties bound legally to thier commitments. Whether that is a relationship of emotions or business. I am big on handshake commitments, but the reality is until it is on paper, it means nothing when a conflict arises. I tell people I am in business that if I didn’t trust them, they wouldn’t have the opportunity to get to the position of having a contract. Those that refuse are certainly not commited. If the paper commitment is no big deal, go get it.
Health insurence for prescripted pills, corrective eye wear, dental care, prescribed things like massage therapy or physiotherapy etc is not covered by the government. That comes out of our pockets, or is covered by health plans bought independantly, or provided through employers. Here (canada) however a visit to see your doctor to tell you what you have wrong is free. Its just the stuff that will fix you that will cost.
As for us we both dont have insurence. We’re poor young people. Its sorta a gamble that were not going to get sick and nee medications etc. My soon to come out wisdom teeth however are going to cost a whopping 1 grand approx for all all 4 out of my pocket. Fun times. But we cant afford a health plan so its a gamble.
Its not so much about it not mattering so much that I;ll just go get the paper. I dont feel a need for the paper. I know were committed and I dont need to be responsiable to the government (church isnt an option in my case… ). I was raised to have morals and will power. For instance I dont need the paper to keep me from cheating. And Im so committed and trusting that I know he is committed so the paper isnt necessary. I believe this may have something to do with how I was raised… we were never taught that the legal aspect of marriage is all that important. Its more what you do in your actualy marriage with and for your partner that matters than the paper.
Anyway, as much as I love arguing with you I must go to bed now-work bright and early. Perhaps we can argue more later.
Wow. I wonder if thats why you usually only post in MR.
Just a simple joke, please don’t be offended. I don’t know enough to legitimately comment on the issue but I agree with parts of both of your arguments.
). I was raised to have morals and will power. For instance I dont need the paper to keep me from cheating. And Im so committed and trusting that I know he is committed so the paper isnt necessary. I believe this may have something to do with how I was raised… we were never taught that the legal aspect of marriage is all that important. Its more what you do in your actualy marriage with and for your partner that matters than the paper.