Scandal Rocks RSU

Feb 1, 3:18 PM EST

Scandal rocks RSU

by uni57 (Dave)
(not) AP Unicyclist Writer

Seattle, Washington (AP) – Scandal rocks the popular Usenet newsgroup rec.sport.unicycling. It has just been revealed that the most frequent poster for the year 2002 (source: Klaas Bil statistics), Greg Harper, may have had help. Not all of his posts were actually written by Mr. Harper, a research engineer at the Center for Experimental Nuclear Physics and Astrophysics at the University of Washington in Seattle. Mr. Harper post under the profile name “harper.”

It has just been revealed that some of his posts are actually written by Christopher Rhysling, a man we don’t know much about. He sometimes posts under the profile name “rhysling,” but has recently been caught posting as “harper.” It is speculated that overindulging in alcoholic beverages led to this fact being revealed. He apparently signed a post as “Christopher” that was posted under the profile name “harper” – a mistake that let to his discovery. He also posted, again posing as “harper,” a story that was only marginally believable that it would come from Mr. Harper.

It is unknown what will happen to Mr. Harper’s top-ranked posting status for 2002. It is unclear when he began receiving help. An investigation is under way. If it can be proved that Mr. Harper and Mr. Rhysling conspired during 2002, then they will both be disqualified. Mr. Rhysling would lose his status as the number three poster for 2002. This would place “jagur” in the top position (at 1319 posts) and Klaas Bil in the number two position (at 1018 posts). It should also be noted that Mr. Bil compiles the statistics and has been known to send duplicate posts, both during 2002 and 2003. Each time he claimed technical problems with the newsgroup / forum link, a problem apparently not experienced by any other poster.

So what, it doesn’t matter. I sure don’t care if somebody sent mail under somebody elses name, unless they ruin that persons reputation or something. Is there an award or prize that the top posters receive or something, if not it really doesn’t matter.

Logan

This changes my outlook on life!

hey Sofa, what do you mean “This changes my outlook on life!”. Are you saying that even The greatest people on earth (unicyclists) can cheat there own kind? Where do we find out how many posts we have submited?

Logan

hit the profile button right under any of your posts.

I’m pretty sure he meant that when silliness is taken to profound levels, there is much joy in life!

uni57 (Dave)

I am currently speaking LIVE with a unicyclist from the UK. The scandal has spread rapidly around the globe, shocking readers of r.s.u to the core.

This unicyclist, who requests to remain anonymous, has explained how it seemed as if “everything they knew and believed in had suddenly been cast into doubt”. The situation is currently very tense, as they are running round in circles screaming incoherently.

So far it is not known how long the repercussions of today will last, but there is no doubt many peoples’ lives have been turned upside down. This is a very unstable situation, as experts believe the lampshade this unicyclist is clinging to is not designed to support the weight of a person.

Back to Dave in the studio.

Wow. I have to say I’m very pleased with the increased level of silliness on RSU as of late.

Dave: Excellent investigative journalism. I’ll have to look for your AP work more often. Do you do any freelance on the side?

Logan: This whole thread (as well as the “I’m not number 1…” thread) is to be taken very lightly. It’s a joke. And, yes, they give away a KH24 to the person who has the most posts at the end of each year.

Phil: This is why I want to have other unicyclists close to me. I want to write scandal! I want to investigate!.. I want a studio. Sidenote: I loved the “Olde world” post in the “Choose Life…” thread. Haven’t laughed outloud that uproriously in a few days. Thanks.

Later,
Eli.

Once you get past the rootbeer and the bikini (a scary thought), you’ll find there is a lot that is suspicious about this “Harper” character. Personally, I’m thinking alien possession. Where do you think he learned his astrophysics? On this planet? I don’t think so.

If you follow his posts, a troubling pattern reveals itself…

“Blue Shift”–Here is a direct quote from the Blue Shift website, “It seemed like just another day on the job… until fierce alien life forms came crashing through the walls and a military death squad invaded the hallways of Black Mesa.” http://www.sierra.com/games/hl-blueshift/

“Photos Please”–An espionage expedition targeting unicyclists? We know that the Secretary of Defense and most other truly important people ride unicycles. What an ingenious alien we have.

“Shipping his unicycle all around the US”–And spreading unicycle envy and lust in return for riders’ most intimate experiences with unnatural gears.

“Level 5 before 50”–The world can be thankful that we dodged this particular bullet, but he’s still out there practicing his wheel walking and what-have-you.

“Planetary Gears”–What more can I say?

I think we now know where the Raelians’ clone is living. I think I need another root beer.

David Maxfield
Mitchell, SD

May I point out that those photos that looked like someone riding a blue unicycle at unimaginable speeds were ACTUALLY just weather balloons being pushed along by freak air currents, or simply moonlight refracted in marsh gas.

If you’d all just look this way please… <dons shades>

Phil

Oh. I’m not… (3hours later) Slow, I’m from… Canada eh !!!

Wow I really am slow or else it was a bad joke, but I’m probably just slow.

Logan

Goodness, how embarrassing!

:o :o :o :o :o

yes, truely shocking isn’t it?

humm, makes me think I better post more often and start looking for someone who can post - as me - when I’m too busy to actually post by myself…

Erin

Erin,

I’ll be happy to help out with your posting numbers (but be sure not to tell anyone) in exchange for a loner MUni (or info on where I can rent one) while I’m in your area. I’m planning a skiing trip to Whistler in March (subject to cancellation by the boss, as always). I’d love to try snow MUni one of these days. The skiing location is open to change if there is a resort closer to your club riding location.

I’m thinking about writing software that will do it for you. It will pick out key words and phrases from a post, then scan the entire history of RSU for similar posts. Then it will grab random sentences from those old posts and make a NEW post out of them.

Given that much of the discussion revolves around common recurring themes, this should be entirely feasible and undetectable.

I’m going to call it the Harper And Rhysling Poster and Electronic Responder, or HARPER for short. When you get too busy, or simply run out of things to say, just run harper.exe

uni57 (Dave)

Hey Jeff, that would be great if you helped me improve my stats by posting as me sometimes… yes, we will be sure not too tell anyone, and hopefully no one will rat on us like they did on Harper and Chris!!!

Cool you may be coming up here to ski in Whister. That is the best location around here for that time of year, perhaps any time of year really, to ski. Lovely area, generally great snow.

Don’t know of any place where you could rent a MUni around here and don’t know, offhand, if any of us in the Vancouver club would be into loaning one… I could ask around when you are more sure of your holiday plans.

In any event it would be fun to ride with you. Perhaps we could all plan a snow ride or at least a ride up in Whistler - that area is famous for its awesome mtn biking trails. We could really have an phat group ride up there. So e-mail the club directly, if you like, at: onewheelers@yahoo.ca when you know more about your travel plans.

Erin

Ouch!

uni57 (Dave)

And what about this levitation?

Good God, he doesn’t even cast a shadow!

uni57 (Dave)

Nice shot, Steve. You should have stuck around to see me go head first into the brush on the right hand side of that drop after you left. John, Tom, and all the skaters loved it. Yum … dirt!