Rules you learn as you get older

Off-topic
1

Always rinse the sieve immediately, not after it’s dried.

There is no right answer to “How do I look?”

The fourth CD you buy by any band will sound just the same as the first three.

To conserve fuel, drive as if you had a bowl of blancmange on the passenger seat.

To drive safely, drive as if every other driver had a bowl of blancmange between his ears.

Statistically, the best weather forecast is, “Like today, only more so.”

There are some arguments you can never win. (But that needn’t stop you trying now and again.)

Never put off til tomorrow what you can put off til next week.

2

I have one.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find my own way.

3

Never fry bacon without a T-shirt on.

Corona tastes like ass even with a lime.

There is a huge difference between CHEAP and inexpensive.

Throwing peanuts at drunk bikers and pretending it was your friend will get you beaten up just as quickly.

4

please tell me that last one isn’t from personal experience…

mine is:
Even when you expect the unexpected, when it comes it still hits you like a frieght train.

edit: spell checking.

5

On a related note…

Don’t stand on a train track, or you will get hit by a freight train.

6

Bueaty is only skin deep. Uglyness goes all the way to the bone.

7

Yeah, a buddy and I were pretty hammered one night and two guys in full Harley gear came into our favorite Sports Bar to do some business or something and I threw a peanut or two at them and they never figured it out until I started to laugh and then I said “it was him” and pointed to my buddy. They laughed and punched me in the back of the head anyway.

Hey, guess what? There is no chocolate sign poll in the winter either!!!

8

I learned that one this summer. It helps to have lightning-quick reflexes.

Here’s mine, which is completely original…

“Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished <make squishing sound> just like grape. Same here. You MUni do “yes,” or MUni do “no.” You MUni do “guess so,” <make squishing sound again> just like grape.”

9

I think I might have seen this one on the forum:

Happy wife, happy life.

10

Sad wallet :stuck_out_tongue:

11

Yeah, that came from me. My mantra in life.

The other one is, “I ALWAYS have the last word in my family…Yes, dear.”

12

That’s one for recycling in the pub this week! :smiley:

Here are another couple learned the hard way:

When your car needs fixing and you’re not sure what is the problem, always replace the least expensive part first.

When it says in car workshop manuals, “Replacement is a simple reversal of the above procedure”, it is not.

13

Does this go under Safety or Fashion?

To add to the list:

Don’t fry bacon as often as you want to.
Other people are occationally right.
It wasn’t downhill from there afterall.

14

How do you know what ass tastes like? And Corona tastes great, even better with lime!!

15

Good question and Here! Here!

Nothing ever tastes as good as you’re told or is advertised. But some things do taste as bad or worse than you were told or imagined.

16

Beer tastes better after succeeding in climbing a 400meter 18% grade on a 26 with 127mm cranks, just after 4 hours of punishing muni with the Southampton University Mountain Bike Club. (Keeping up with those bastards is tricky).

Everything anyone tells you up to the age of 18 does not contain the whole truth. It starts with Santa Claus & the Tooth Fairy and ends with Newtons Laws of Motion (As V => C, m => Inf. which cocks the whole lot up, ref. Einstein).

Loose.

17

Obviously never had one less than 70 after a night of drinking before. For the sake of all the young people on this board, I won’t go further than that. And yeah, if you like that taste, then I guess Corona rocks!!!

Of course, I have never tried the first one with a lime, so I guess you got me there pal!!

18

Re: Muni–Be happy with a moderate learning curve–you don’t get hurt so much and you’ll eventually learn the skill anyhow.

JL

19

Wow, I managed to start a thread in JC that got people to mention unicycling! :roll_eyes:

There is no such thing as a two minute job.

The most inaccessible screw is the one with the most chewed up head.

Your car keys are where you looked the first time - you just didn’t look hard enough. (There’s a reason why you looked there first.)

If you go back to check that you locked the door, you did.

20

Look were you last saw them, not were the lighting is the best.