Ride And Pecipice

It is fascinating that the “Uniman” thread has been revived. The comic, or graphic novel, is designed to tell a story in a quick and accessible fashion, combining words and pictures to convey the maximum amount of information - and here we have a whole lot of unicyclists describing imaginary pictures in words. Who would have thought that unicyclists would choose to do it the hard way?

Why not instead go back to an earlier form, more suited to the steady and thoughtful pace of unicycling, as compared to other forms of transport? I suggest we unit to write a unicycling novel of manners in the style of Jane Austen.

RIDE AND PECIPICE

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man of good balance, atop a single wheel, is in need of another wheel. News of the arrival of Mr. Gilby at the quarter pipes early in the summer of 18__ rapidly reached the ears of Mrs Bennett whose son, Gordon, had the custom of taking a turn around the BMX track each afternoon.

“Mama,” said Mr. Gordon Bennett upon his return to Sweetsod Hall only a few minutes late for afternoon tea, “A new gentleman has arrived in town, from the Americas. I hear his name is Mr. Gilby, and his bicycle has only one wheel - as indeed I was quick to point out to him, much to the amusement of my companions. No doubt a footpad or cutpurse has stolen the other wheel, along with the cross bar.”

“Gordon,” smiled his mother indulgently, “A gentleman should be reluctant to make a quip, however novel, at the expense of another gentleman until they have been formally introduced. But tell me, this Mr. Gilby, is he very handsome?”

“Mama, that is not something on which I am well placed to comment, being myself a gentleman. However, I grant that I was not unimpressed to see him land a drop of no less than five feet.”

“Oh, landed gentry, indeed!” sniffed Mrs. Bennett. Having only a small estate herself, she was not kindly disposed to those who had more, considering it vulgar in the extreme."

(Over to you)

[The style might not be right on, but here are your next few bits. I have tried to keep it vague and interesting so the next people can add what they like.]

Mr. Bennett rubbed the sides of his mandible with his thumb and forefinger; this was a gesture which Mrs. Bennet knew well, and which often predicted Mr. Bennett’s launch into some kind of unnatural shenanigan.

“Mama, I am going to have the stable master prepare my horse to ride into town at the cock’s first crow tomorrow morning. After having heard your gentle admonition of my actions toward this new gentleman, I am overcome with a feeling of remorse for which I believe there to be only a single cure: a gentleman’s apology to this gentleman offended by another gentleman. It is, by all reasonable measures, the only gentlemanly course of action which I can presently undertake.”

Mr. Bennett’s strict and thorough analysis of the available facts about the new gentleman gave Mrs. Bennett to more suspicion. She did not know what he had planned, but the former knew it would occupy a great portion of her thought and time in the coming days. Tomorrow would be, after all, Sunday. Mrs. Bennet hurried upstairs to remove her good hat from the hall closet.

Oops! I meant “Precipice”.

:o

The cock’s first crow was a little past eleven of the clock. For earlier he had been somewhat preoccupied with the hens. The lateness of the hour was seen by Mrs Bennett as fortuitous in the extreme. She had by much questioning, and with what she was sure was great subtlety, ascertained that Mr Gilby was perhaps rather better presented than she had hoped. Indeed she had been told that he had travelled in some luxury and style, with his machinery, on the return journey of the Titanic.
It was ever in her mind that her eldest daughter, Naomi, was as yet unmarried, and hardly a day passed without that thought weighing heavily on her mind. Indeed she could not pass by the olde bakery or butcher without the subject being broached by one or other of the neighbours.
“Served up to me with the sausages it was: by Mrs Hutton, that you still have no suitor in attendance, and your younger sister already married and with child.”
“Shameful. What on this earth are we to do with you dear girl”?
It was perhaps to have been expected that Mrs Bennett had spent the morning with her imagination stretched taut.