Why I get paid the big bucks…(yeah, right!)
HEADLINE: Vows Revisited: The State Of the Unions ---- By LOIS SMITH BRADY
SOURCE: The New York Times via Factiva
TEXT:
In 2001, after nine years of writing the Vows column every week since
its inception, I moved to Aspen, Colo., where my husband had gotten a
great job. It was a perfect example of how marriage is like a
three-legged race. For better or for worse, you are tied to someone
else, and once in a while you have to go – or in my case be dragged –
in the direction of your partner.
I did not want to move, even though I was able to keep writing
columns occasionally. We arrived in the early spring, just as the bears
were coming out of hibernation. One of my first nights in our new house,
I stood in the kitchen, watching an enormous hunchbacked bear trying to
claw down our backyard fence, hoping to get at the garbage cans – or us.
I called 911, screaming hysterically. I did the same thing the next
night, and the next, until one morning, a ‘‘bear counselor’’ sent over
by the police department rang my doorbell. He gently explained that in
Aspen, a bear in your backyard is not an emergency. A bear in your
living room, maybe. I would have given anything in those first weeks
still to be in New York, covering weddings with nothing but butterflies
and tipsy bridesmaids as the wildlife.
There are lots of things I miss about attending 52 weddings a year. I
miss hearing the big dreams of brides and bridegrooms, how they are
going to live in a six-bedroom apartment on Park Avenue by the time
they’re 30 or walk across Russia together or wait until their 50’s to
have babies.
I also miss the talks of those who officiate at weddings. I remember
one priest who said: ‘‘A man who gives in when he’s wrong is wise. A man
who gives in when he’s right is married.’’ This particular priest had a
dark view of married life. Marriage, he said, is ‘‘full of mystery and
loaded with problems.’’
Now, like many couples who have appeared in Vows, I’m living the
day-to-day life of a spouse and a parent, juggling work, children,
problems and mysteries. It’s nothing like being a bride. You blend into
the crowd; you never wear white, since by noon, you’re covered with
jelly stains. It can be as humbling as being passed by a unicyclist on a
narrow, steep hiking trail, which has happened to me in Aspen – twice.
Twice before, around the anniversary of the first Vows column in
1992, Sunday Styles has checked in with couples who have been featured
to see how their own three-legged race is going. Some describe marriage
as the feeling of being Super-Glued to another person; others say the
bond feels as loose as grass blades tied around their wrists.
Brides and bridegrooms always glow. But these updates of couples are
stories of the afterglow, or in some cases the aftermath. c. 2003 New York
Times Company
Raphael Lasar
Matawan, NJ