Last night I was trying to ride my MUni up a moderate slope with some 4x4 steps every four to five feet or so. I came to the first step and my pedals were in the right position to hop up, so I did. I decided to roll up to the next step and set up for next hop but ran out of room before I could get my pedals into position, so I missed cleaning that step. Then, somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, it came to me: Because of my Pedals Out Of Position, I had missed the stunt. In other words: I POOPed.
You’ve all done it: setting up for a rolling hop, jumping a curb, approaching a stunt, and then you blow it because you’re wheel is in the wrong position. Now you can just say you POOPed and everyone will understand.
If that is offensive to you, you can use POOPP: Pedals Out Of Power Position; or COOP: Cranks Out Of Position. But who’s going to get that?
Similarly, one of the departments in my office processes monetary payments and has a condition called “Batch Out Of Balance”. This must be the only place in America where you can ask someone about their BOOBs and not get fired.
I was afraid this would turn into just another opportunity for sophomoric potty jokes. I expected more from all of you.
I think we need another acronym for when things aren’t POOPy, you know, when all is right with the Pedals In Magic Position. Yes, PIMP.
As an example, I mentioned last week’s ride in the Bitchin Bolt thread. I could have said: “The ride started out great. Everything was PIMP with all the drops falling in place, the wheel rolling over or around all the roots on the ups. As the ride progressed, my heart rate went over 180 and the heat started catching up. Things got more POOPy: More misses on the roots and hills and walking the rest of the inclines. Then, near the end of the ride, I was approaching the last stunt. Everything looked PIMP; ready to finish strong, when I went down for no reason. Went back to the MUni to discover I had just experience the ultimate POOP: my Bitchin Bolt had come out and my crank had fallen completely off.”
I also think we should use these terms in public. I’m sure the bystanders would love to hear you call out PIMP! and POOP! throughout your street or trail riding. I can only imagine what that would do to bolster the image of unicycling.
Have to admit I do poop quite a bit. Most of the times I can land the jump anyway, no matter where the pedal is, I just usually miss when people are watching so I look poopy.
