well, i just found out that my brothers getting bullied quite badly at school, at different times from different groups of people
He has autism which affects both his learning capacity and general social ability, so he doesn’t have too many friends.
Anyway, he’s 11 and i really dont want this carrying on, the school are trying to sort stuff out with them but its not working at all.
Would it be a particularly bad idea to go try and scare them a bit, make them go say sorry, take matters into my own hands y’know? Im not exactly a beast, but they’re all 11/12/13 year olds, and im 15/6 foot 3.
I hate to see my brother upset and i want this sorted out quickly.
thanks for any advice
Catch the kids in the act and just chew them the fuck out. Stomp your feet, kick over trashcans, take off your shirt and flex in their faces, and probably spit on them too. Don’t actually hit them. If one of them runs at you first, just throw him into a brick wall, back-first, not head-first (unless he’s wearing a helmet). This should scare the rest of them away.
If they attack you after that, it’s no-limits. Go ape-shit on them and defend your family’s honor.
What do your parents think? That is my first question. They could be of a lot more help than us. As for advice, if its really bad and you dont think the school is doing enough you might be able to get the police involved.
You could also kick thier faces in, but I would say thats just not right. Let bigger bullies deal with them. I would rather some big guy try to give me crap than deal with the legal system.
epic reply
in my honest opinion, confrontation by you might only farther damage your brother. people will say that he needs his big brother to defend him, etc. you catch my drift? so, i would first involve teachers, then, if that fails, confront them off of school property. OFF OF SCHOOL PROPERTY!!!
I’m sorry to hear that, Alister. I don’t know the specifics for the UK, but I think you will find that schools are duty-bound to resolve the situation. They do have a surprising amount of power, as they have something of a hold over the future of children in their care. If a school doesn’t make sufficient efforts to expunge bullying, there will be other pressures that can be placed upon the school to perform its duties (these are areas where you probably need the help of well-informed adults). What I can say for sure is - Do not go taking things into your own hands - That is unlikely to work out well for yourself or for your brother.
My eldest daughter has Down Syndrome, and experienced one bullying incident at school. The bully was identified, and his parents were called in for a discussion with us, and a universal front was presented to him that put him fully on the outer (which is not what a bully desires). He apologised to my daughter for his actions, and presented no further problems during his time at that school.
Bullies tend to be attention-seeking cowards. When they see that the attention is (universally) not in their favour, the incentive to bully evaporates. I would think that, if you try scaring them, they are likely to either (a) as cowards, complain about you (which, particularly when dealing with minors, could go very badly for you), and / or (b) take out whatever suffering they experience on your brother.
I can’t speak for things where you are, but I think you (and you parent/s) will find there are a lot of resources out there for learning how to deal with bullies. For example, as well as regular anti-bullying resources, it may be worth you contacting the National Autistic Society http://www.nas.org.uk/ or Autism Independent UK http://www.autismuk.com/ to ask about what others have done in similar circumstances. They may have some valuable knowledge and advocacy resources at hand.
It may sound namby-pamby, but the best outcome is when the bullies no longer have any desire to bully. Scaring them doesn’t really do that.
Incidentally, I’m impressed at your conviction in looking out for your sibling. He’s lucky to have you for his brother.
Cheers,
Eoin
I would say that it’s more your job to encourage your brother than to attack the bullies. Let him know that he has what it takes and you are proud of him. I might try going the route of scaring them a little, but I can also see them taking that that as reason to make things worse for your brother. I would try to confront them in a mature way, making it clear that you’re treating them as mature enough to have a civil conversation.
Let them know that it’s unacceptable to treat anyone that way, especially someone who has a specific condition that makes him “different”. Tell them that you don’t want things to turn out bad for them, but you won’t allow them to treat your brother like that.
As ridiculous as Matt’s statement was, it’s not too far from what needs to happen, as far as defending your family’s honor goes.
Is it physical? Is he getting hit? Name-called? Are they stealing his lunch money? Each type of bullying calls for different actions.
Can he learn self-defense? Social skills? What is on his Individual Educational Plan (IEP)?
Is he completely mainstreamed?
I actually can give you some advice from experience. When I was about 5’0" and a freshman in high school, I would get bullied by some older (much bigger) people. It did get physical in a few situations, but there were always 3 or 4 of them so I couldn’t do much. I didn’t want to tell anyone but one day my sister, a junior at the same school, saw it and ran over and verbally threatened them. Because these people were cowards, once they were faced with another person they walked away.
My sister told the school and they came up with a “contract” that was supposed to protect me. For a few more weeks I waited for them to do something as I was still being bullied. Even when they found that I was still getting bullied they didn’t do sht. It continued and it seemed that the school’s interference made it worse. My sister was getting pretty furious so one day she gathered the whole varsity men’s water polo team and some people from the varsity football team and surrounded these 4 guys after school. My sister and her friends didn’t have to do anything except stand there looking tough. She gave them a warning that if they ever touched me again she and her friends would beat the sht out of them.
That was the last time anyone bullied me. I don’t know if word spread around about what happened, but no one bullied me after that.
Now I’m a senior and I’m 6’2", so none of that happens any more.
I would advise doing something similar to this. Get a bunch of your mean looking friends together and issue a warning without laying a finger on them.
Taking matters into your own hands is NOT a good idea. You may well end up in trouble with the authorities yourself.
And also remember the bullies might also have bigger brothers, which might well lead to an escalation of the problem.
Expanation, Not Confrontation
Some sort of intervention is necessary, obviously. Think about the bullies, they might not even know that and older brother exists, which alone could be enough. My advice is make a presence. Find the bullies and then don’t think about scaring them, just present them the facts. You are the older brother. You will be there for your brother. The bullying will stop, one way or another, whether it’s the school or the parents, there will be consequences for them if they keep it up. Keep any anger, threats or fighting out of the scene, just keep your cool presence. If the bullies are still stupid enough not to realize that your brother is not an easy target, then bring the hammer down on them. At 6’-3" and with a cool head on your shoulders, you don’t have to even try to scare them. It may take a couple peaceful but solid interventions, but you may be surprised how quickly results will come. Most boys are not stupid enough to keep up the BS unless they are already on their way to a really hard life of delinquency already.
Keep it cool, but get involved and be present. And your deep concern is most honorable.
If you confront a group of bullies only a few years younger than you and lecture them, I question if you’ll get much respect.
The group mentality is too strong. They’ll just be looking at each other snickering and smiling the whole time. When they’re together they form this barrier and the fear/understanding you’re trying to create bounces off. Once you walk away their power starts recharging and everything you said becomes something to joke about.
But individually, without the others to lean on, they’re much weaker and you can get the them. You might even get some empathy through.
And if there were a bunch of them, but you could only talk to a few, that might be enough. Once the individuals go back to the group, they might help steer the whole groups behavior because of their individual fear/understanding. You could suggest to the individual that if you see the them with the group while the others are bullying you’ll assume the individual is part of the bullying too. Steering the group, or falling away from the group is now in the individual’s best interest.
Also, you might determine leaders from followers. They’re all guilty but talking to the leader might resolve things more quickly. Of course, pissing off the leader could cause more problems.
Disclaimer: this is pretty much all theory, based on my general observation of people
Getting violent or threatening is not the answer, because once you’ve charge down off the moral high ground, there’s no easy way back up.
It’s important that the problem is discussed openly with the adults in your family. There are always more ways to deal with a problem than one person can think of.
There are bullies everywhere, so it’s better to teach your brother how to avoid them than to try to force a small number of bullies to stop.
Good luck.
Good post Mikefule.
Here is my take on this.
If you have a really big ‘gun’, like the whole varsity water polo team, that can work but it needs to be a serious deterrent or retribution against your 'lil bro could be forthcoming as soon as they catch him alone again.
In my case I was being extorted for money by some wannabe gang members. A family friend was good friends with a Police Sergeant. So two police officers stopped by their house one night (not in uniform it was an unofficial visit) and simply explained to them that if I ever saw them again there would be a 2nd visit, and it would not be a polite one next time.
Problem solved. In my case it was a serious problem (I had been forced to give them money from where I worked, and promptly lost my job because of it) so it warranted a strong response.
Is spite of this ‘win’ for me, I’m with others here who say that answer ultimately lies with your brother and less with the bullies.
There is much good advice above but I want to add this: Your parents should file a police report. Depending on the police in your town, your parents might find them to be supportive, or they might think the whole things is silly. But your parents should be persistent and the police will take the report to make them go away. (i’ve gone down this same road for a different reason, and I was handed the form, told to fill it out and leave it on the counter).
Here is why none of that matters.
The police report is simply to show the school that your parents take this very seriously and are serious about wanting it resolved. You parents should also consider requesting time at the next school board meeting if they feel like the school is just paying them lip service. I’ve seen this approach work for getting the legally required classroom adjustments for a disabled student.
Also the police report documents the problem in case the bullying turns to violence. The police report shows it is not an isolated incident.
And lastly I want to say that Martial Arts are not a quick fix, it takes years to really learn to fight and defend yourself, but the real advantage is the self confidence that comes from all aspects of martial arts training. It still takes time but self confidence is money in the bank for many situations. Not sure if that is suitable, or an option but I wanted to mention it.
I can’t offer much help, but can add some personal experience. I was small in middle/high school and so I tended to be the target of bullies until I started fighting back. I lost the few fights I got into, I was lucky I didn’t get beat up too bad. But word got around and the bullies stopped targeting me, probably because they were looking for easier targets. Bullies are basically cowards looking for somebody to pick on who won’t fight back.
I’m not sure how your brother manages with his autism and how that plays a role in what he can do in this situation. Seems like a tough problem, I hope it turns out well for your brother. Let us know what he did and how it turns out.
The ideal martial artist is so good at martial arts that he never has to use his combat skills. There is lot to be said for self confidence.
But a reputation or aura lost by losing either your temper or a fight is hard to regain.
For years, my brother and his ex army pal never got into fights because word had got round that they were carrying pistols. They never did carry pistols, but they never denied it or boasted of it or made a joke of it. They simply said nothing and let gullible people fill in the gaps…
Right, I’ve had a talk with who I think is pretty much the leader of the main little group, I’ve told him not to stop and that if i find out it happens again then I have some people who’re ready to stick up for him in any way possible, the kid was terrified the entire time and i think ive managed to get through to him. If i haven’t, his loss.
I’ll let you know if anything further happens
You told him not to stop?!
massive fail right there, I’ve told him to stop.
sorry, shouldnt type whilst tired
at junior school my younger brother was being bullied so i punched the bully in the stomach
at high school i got bullied told my older brother, and he put there heads in toilet and flushed it
if in doubt hit the bully
How did they live without heads afterwards? Must be hard eating, looking, thinking and stuff…
Their heads on the other hand must’ve lived interesting lives. Seen things that no common man gets to see. Until the alligators ate them.