Internet filtering for my kids - recs needed

Off-topic
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Hi,

My eight year old is now liking to play games on the internet. It’s real kid friendly stuff like clubpenguin.com. He also looks up cheat codes for his Game Boy games.

The problem we are having is how to keep him going only to the sites we are comfortable with. We gave him a KOL account, (Kids America Online) account, but he can circumvent that by just clicking on the Internet Explorer Icon and the world is open to him.

We tried using the security measures with IE, but we ended up having to put in a password everytime we went to ANY site. It even affected our own access to AOL. We would constantly have to type in the password for every sublink on the planet.

So, here’s the question. Does anyone have a suggestion for a net filter or anyway of solving the problem I just mentioned with Internet explorer? We can’t (as far as a know) just remove the Internet Explorer, because AOL uses it.

Any suggestions from parents or computer people?

Thanks

2

staple his eyes shut

3

…ha?

There are some filters out there in which you have the option of blocking all sites, except for a select few…you could try that.

Here are some parental control programs…they have to be bought though.

Neither of these look too bad.

4

I think you are better off just educating your child about what is out there. It might be a bit hard for him to understand but I think it would be easier for you and him in the end if you didn’t limit his access just taught him what is appropriate and inapropriate. I really don’t think you are going to be able to block off all things that aren’t to your liking without monitoring it all the time, so you would be better off to leave it open and just make sure your son knows what things are and knows how to deal with them responsibly.

5

+1

6

+1

If I ever have kids, I wouldn’t censor anything from them…they’re gonna see sex and drugs on TV, and the internet too I guess, but it’s the parents job to make sure the kid understands what they’re seeing and whatever the parent wants the kid to feel about the subject.

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yeah but to play the devils advocate, it is much easier to just avoid it until they understand better why they shouldn’t be seeing certain things. But I am pretty liberal in what I think kids should be seeing, and I can understand that some parents might prefer to shelter their children more which I can also empathize a bit with.

8

you just got two points, where are you going to spend them?:smiley:

9

That is true…either way would end up with basically the same result, and I also understand those who wish to shelter their children from that which they believe to be inappropriate…but I think it would be easier to just let 'em find out at a younger age, and teach them then too.

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Mikael,

It’s more than just trying to shelter kids from seeing and experiencing at home what they are exposed to during the course of any particular day at school and in public because they are going to see and hear it anyway. Mary and I want our home to be a shelter and respite away from those kinds of things, someplace where the boys can relax, feel safe and know that they don’t have to put up with the filth and trash that occur ‘out there’. We want a chance to teach them moral and ethical values. Can’t really do that if there are those distractions slapping us in the ears and eyes. None of the four of us like that sort of stuff anyway, why put up with it in our home?

I like the idea of internet filtering. As young minds are so impressionable, allowing worldly things into the home via the Internet would be just such a distraction. We also use it in much the same way and for the same reasons as we don’t allow certain TV shows on in the house, don’t permit the boys’ friends’ to use certain language in our home (the boys will actually be the first ones to say something to them), etc. It makes a difference in the happiness quality of our homelife. It’s really nice.

Bruce

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Mikael,

It’s more than just trying to shelter kids from seeing and experiencing at home what they are exposed to during the course of any particular day at school and in public because they are going to see and hear it anyway. Mary and I want our home to be a shelter and respite away from those kinds of things, someplace where the boys can relax, feel safe and know that they don’t have to put up with the filth and trash that occur ‘out there’. We want a chance to teach them moral and ethical values. Can’t really do that if there are those distractions slapping us in the ears and eyes. None of the four of us like that sort of stuff anyway, why put up with it in our home?

I like the idea of internet filtering. As young minds are so impressionable, allowing worldly things into the home via the Internet would be just such a distraction. We also use it in much the same way and for the same reasons as we don’t allow certain TV shows on in the house, don’t permit the boys’ friends’ to use certain language in our home (the boys will actually be the first ones to say something to them), etc. It makes a difference in the happiness quality of our homelife. It’s really nice.

Bruce

12

At a certain age filters are ok I would think but after that, they are kind of unnecessary. Im 16 years old and I’ve never gotten in like any kind of trouble since I was like 8. I get all A’s and B’s in school. Yet for some reason my dad feels it is appropriate to watch every single thing I do on the computer. He is probably reading this, as well.
The program, in my mind, causes more trouble than it’s worth, blocking pages for seemingly no apparent reason. Once it even blocked my own website. It makes me feel as if my own parents don’t trust me, even though I personally feel as if I can handle the internet by myself.
At my mom’s house there aren’t any filters on the computer. I don’t do or look at anything bad and there’s no trouble there.
Yes I know I’m only sixteen and still have plenty of things to learn, but I mean seriously. I’m sixteen years old, not a (young) child, and while, yes, I am more independent in many other aspects, I really don’t feel as if I need to be watched constantly while I’m on the computer.

13

While I can understand your train of thought in most of your post, I’m not sure I understand the above-quoted section. What do you mean by ‘worldly things’? News highlights? Mind-jolting games? Violence? Pornography? Most people I know would probably consider all of those ‘worldly things’. I can understand not wanting your children to see a woman pleasuring farm animals, but where do you (personally and in general) draw the line?

I think kids should be exposed to certain things from a very young age, because in the present society (and looking at the downward spiral it’s falling into), people just need to be conditioned to endure whatever the world throws at them. Older members of society from an earlier generation might consider this a form of desensitization, and while this may be true to a certain extent, I consider it more of a form of social darwinism, which in my opinion is a valid theory.

14

why not create an account for him, and one for you guys?

when he is logged in, he can only see his KOL links, and what programs you let him use

when you are logged in, you have full access to everything

15

Bruce, I don’t want to pick on you, I love you man, but there are some things I find hard to understand…

How far do you go to create your “shelter”? Do you rip particular pages out of newspapers and magazines before you allow them in the house? Do you read the lyrics to every CD your boys bring home?

What if one of your boys is exposed to some filth and trash that they want to discuss? Would your “shelter” inhibit your boys from discussing such subjects?

Do you give your children a rationale for each item you censor? I am curious… what do you say? Is there even a debate?

I understand your motives are all for good… but remember you’re imprinting your own interpretation of the “outside world” on your children. Are you opening their minds or closing them?

Fixed.

16

He probably doesn’t read the lyrics, but if there’s an advisory on the label it can give a general idea. He doesn’t have to rip pages out of things to make it less easy for his kids to be exposed to stuff.

It’s like bringing your kids to New York City, and taking them to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Central Park and the Natural History Museum. They might see a flasher and a junkie in the park, but if they purposefully don’t walk through the porn district (wherever that is these days), they’ve made a simple filtering decision.

He is the parent. While his kids are minors he has the option of saying “Because I’m the Dad, that’s why.” The choices are his.

Here’s a slightly different example. Last fall I went with some people from my wife’s work on a cruise. That is, a few staff and several adults with developmental disabilities. We do not try to “censor” their lives, but we do try to protect them. When we got off the boat in Riviera Maya (Mexico, near Cancun), the first shops you come to are in a mall that’s part of the cruise ship terminal. Some of our group went into the first shop and started getting taken advantage of by the vendors before we could even catch up to them. They don’t know how to negotiate, or spot a rip-off.

You can teach your kids not to talk to strangers, and not to look at porn sites; the obvious stuff. You may not be able to teach them, at a young age, to tell a child predator from another kid on a social networking site for kids. Until they can learn all the necessary nuances, using filtering software is a way of keeping them under your wing until they’re ready to start making bigger mistakes on their own.

17

There are things on the internet that are just not something you see in everyday life. Graphic violence and graphic porn are two examples. These are things children don’t need to have explaned to them while they are trying to do their homework. My 6 year old screws stuff up on her PC just using it for learning games, and an internet program with her school that I haven’t done in 20 years of using computers. No telling what could happen by accident. Pop up windows, spyware, and who knows what else is lurking out there. I ran into the same problem as teachndad with the password protection. I had to get up everytime a new page loaded and put in a password. That get’s old.

I was doing a simple image search on google and got a whole eye full of graphic images that I would not want to explain to a 6 year old. Sorry but filtering what a 6 year old or a 16 year old sees is appropriate, no matter what a 16 year old thinks. Things that I never would have seen in my entire childhood are available in 2 minutes on the internet. In some cases that can be great, in others it is an issue that each parent has to struggle with. When you have kids lets talk.

18

That’s just what I was afraid of… such a response (with no explanation or debate) might make his children even more curious about the topic of discussion.

When I was a kid, I’d always go behind my pop’s back when he used the “I’m the Dad” line with me… there had to be a reason why and I had to find out… and if Dad wouldn’t discuss the issue with me how else could I discover why censorship might be a good idea?

software != parenting I don’t know how good filtering software is these days, but with as dynamic as the Internet can be, I don’t see how some software is going to keep the child from ever seeing an “indecent” picture or reading obscene material.

Sure, it’s relatively easy for kids to be in contact with predators on the Internet, but it’s much more difficult for them to be in contact in real life if the parent keeps track of the child’s social activities and friends. No piece of software is going to keep the child safe from the outside world.

Most times you have to actively seek this stuff out. Sometimes it comes in randomly when you’re searching for something remotely-related, but most times one has to actively seek this stuff…

…and nothing raises a child’s curiosity like being told not to do something (same argument as above). Would you rather they look at this stuff alone, without your knowledge, or would you rather sit down with them and explain a little bit about what’s going on? If a child comes across an image their parents tell them is “forbidden” do you think they’ll choose to have a dialog about their experience? I don’t think so…

In summary, I feel the only thing that is accomplished with censorship is closing… closing minds, closing doors, closing off lines of communication between parent and child. Yes, it’s difficult having to explain some things to a child, but isn’t that the price you pay for being a parent?

19

Being 16 (17 in two days, :D), I may not have any valid say in this, but I agree with Jason. I don’t know how well all of you old folks remember being a teenager, and it might not even matter, because (as bugman said, I think), there are so many more “bad” opportunities out there then there were.

Personally, I look at parenting as preparing your child to both function in, and deal with the world you will be releasing them into. I don’t think sheltering accomplishes that at all. Lines of communication are fairly open between my parents and me. I’ll use alcohol as an example…my dad’s side of the family is almost all Italian…understandably, there is often wine at dinner. Starting when I was about four, I was allowed to have small (very small) sips at dinner, and it’s progressed to me being allowed to have actual glasses of wine now. Because of this openness about the subject, I have never, and I probably never will be tempted to go get wasted for the sake of “trying it out”. I know what alcohol is, and I’m familiar enough with it* for it not to be something special/rebellious.

This specific method doesn’t apply to most other things. For instance, you wouldn’t slowly desensitize your kid to porn, or cocaine. But I think that, with proper guidance, you can make the “bad” things become more of just plain “bad”, as opposed to “that secret taboo thing no one will talk to me about”.

Granted, your kid could be different, and accept “Because I said so” as a perfectly valid reason, and, if that’s the case, that’s fine. But if the kid is naturally curious, then the “Because I said so” line does much more harm than good. All it would do is increase curiosity, and decrease the child’s trust in the parent.

That’s my stance on the matter. However, I’m not a dad, so like I said, my opinion doesn’t count for all that much.

*I’ve never been drunk, this just means that I’ve been around it for all of my life.

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