I feel horrible

Off-topic
1

Ok, so here’s a little background first. I’m one of the type of guys that people think have a lot of girlfriends but swings from girl to girl, I don’t notice it, but that’s what people think.

A couple (2) months ago, I went out with this girl in illinois (keep in mind i’m in california) over the fone/interwebs. We talked basically for a month, then I broke up with her and pretty much left because I didn’t want to talk to her for a couple days, she intruded on that privacy, and it really, really pissed me off, so I blocked pretty much all contact with her, but I can’t block her phone. She called me last night telling me to unblock her aim, so I did, and apparently her friend was bleeding to death. I was like ok, she asked me for the screen name of some guy that had talked to me before, and I gave it to her after much agrguing and talking. Keep in mind, I have been a complete asshole (excuse my french) to her just to try and get her to leave me alone, along with this whole time, I have been an asshole.

The conversation insues to her asking if we can ever be friends. On the subject of this, I have made a rule for myself to only really have direct friends with people in my time zone, just because it’s easier for me and maybe I’ll actually meet the person some day, which I’d like. I know it’s kind of shallow, but it’s just what I decided. So I told her no (with a lot of attitude as well). I gave her a more heartfelt (still with a bit of attitude) explanation of why I didn’t want to talk/be friends with her, and she said brb. I waited a while then asked her if she was there, that I wanted to get this conversation over with. She replied that yeah she’s here, she’s just been saying goodbye to people.

I obviously asked what she was talking about. She didn’t reply. A couple minutes later, she said, ok I’m saving you for last, keep in mind I am still incredibly angry/flared up at the time, here’s the convo:

10:09:54 PM Sean: hmm well you obviously dont see that i want to get this over with as fast as i can
10:10:17 PM xXPrttyZombieXx: its already done. im saying bye to everyone rightnow
10:10:39 PM Sean: orly?
Changed status to Offline (10:13:10 PM)
10:25:27 PM --: aand i save you for last.
10:25:36 PM Sean: …
10:25:44 PM Sean: neil’s betting that you chicken out
10:25:54 PM --: haha, of course
10:26:00 PM Sean: earn me a ginger ale
10:26:03 PM Sean: come on
10:26:08 PM --: :]
10:26:29 PM–x: of course
10:26:35 PM Sean: hooray
10:26:37 PM Sean: thanks a bunch
10:26:43 PM --: mhm
10:26:59 PM --: i do still love you.
10:27:09 PM --: goodbye
10:27:12 PM Sean: toodles
10:27:19 PM Sean: hope god forgives you for killin urself
10:27:22 PM Sean: cuz hell’d suck
10:27:33 PM Sean: gluck
10:27:50 PM Sean: peace be with you

That whole night I was fine. Today I woke up and realized, it’s my fault she probably killed herself last night. I’m a murderer. I wanted to tell someone like a family, and you seem to be a supportive group.

–And sorry for the novel >.<

2

Do you actually know for sure that she killed herself? I’d find this out before you lay an guilt on yourself.

Assuming she did kill herself:

Considering that you only “went out with” this girl over the internet and phone for only two months, it cannot be your fault if she chose such rash action. Any problems in her life that led to this were there long before she ever met you and, more than likely, you could have done nothing to change anyway.

I’ve heard of girls who do this kind of think for attention, saying they are gonna kill themselves and cutting off contact, not answering AIM or phone calls etc for a few days to make people think its real.

Despite this, if I were in your situation, I’d feel like crap as well.

3

thats tough shit brother. I feel for you. people who find themselves in such situations always blame themselves. don’t blame yourself. it happens. if she killed herself over somebody like you that she doesn’t know that well…then she had some issues, and it’s not your fault.
it just goes to shoe how some of our smallest actions/words can affect others.

best of luck, and i hope you can come to reconciliation within yourself.
some people never see the shit of life. ur in it now. but thats what living is all about. overcoming. God be with you. he will be, always.

-Justin

4

Last night I asked her friend to message me when she knows, at the time it was because of the bet I made with a friend, now I want to find out if she’s alright or not.

She is quite capable of killing herself, I know that, she’s gone through a lot of stuff in her childhood, and dealt with it doing petty drugs, pot mainly, but she also did weird things like drink all sorts of cleaning stuff, windex mainly. Apparently she turned to heroin after i dumped her though. I dont know, i just wish i could have been less of an asshole to her.

5

regrettin won’t help you move forward…i know it hurts though, so i don’t say that you should just frget it and move on. it’s never that simple or easy.

6

yeah, good point. Uni comes today, so I’m gonna focus on that mainly. I’m planning on video taping the whole thing for your guy’s pleasure (mainly to laugh at me falling x] )

7

Ok so apparently she’s still alive, but wants to still kill herself. I’m not sure what to do now, I think I’m gonna call her and apologize though.

8

Call 911 if you think she’s in danger of hurting herself.

9

She may just be doing it to make you feel guilty, however.

10

I wouldn’t have been able to do anything before, I lost her number see. I tried remembering it, and when i googled what i thot might have been it, i flipped it around a couple times, and came up at the illinois chamber of commerce for her dad’s buisiness, and that worked. I have her addy too, so if worse comes to worse I could call 911.

11

Ack. If anybody has the ability, could you edit out the first screen name. I missed it >.< I don’t want to invade on her privacy.

12

anyone who was going to kill themself would have killed themself. anyone who says they are going to kill themselves is seeking attention, the very kind you are giving.

‘in theory’

13

yeah so apparently I called a bit too late, she just drank all sorts of stuff. She was gonna try get it out now after I called, I hope I called in time :frowning:

14

Why aren’t you on the phone with 911 right now?

15

Oh man I’m sorry that sucks.
You shouldn’t feel bad for telling the truth though. If you just tell her that you don’t want to talk to her anymore, that’s the truth and its not your fault. If you would lie it would be worse. I would much prefer it if a girl told me that I was unattractive and she didn’t want to go out with me if she meant it than just pretend everythings ok. Sure, I’d probably get depressed over it, but at least I would know the truth. It wouldn’t be her fault if she felt that way…

So what I’m trying to say is, it’s not your fault its better that she knows how you feel than if you’d just pretend. And anyways, you’ve never seen her. She could be making everything up, and I mean EVERYTHING. She could have never touched drugs, never been suicidal, nothing. She could just be trying to get you to worry about her.

I hope that helped…

16

Wait, so some girl you have never even met said she’s going to kill herself because you guys “broke up”?

Then it turns out she didn’t?

But she still wants to kill herself right?

And she does heroin?

The heroin and windex drinking will kill her before she decides to cut herself.

Thats just what I think. I know lots of girls (and guys) who act the same exact way. Lots of them just do it for attention (horizontal cuts on the wrist). Then theres the rare few that actually have problems.

We usually call these kids emo…emo or scene kids…there all the same

17

I think the easy solution to this scenario is to bang her and then say it’s awkward.

18

You’re learning well, young Jedi.

19

Yeah and apparently she was into coke as well.

i think she’s gonna be fine, she got it all out and all.

20

And trust me, I know plenty about being a scenester :sunglasses: (http://s31.photobucket.com/albums/c360/seanrquinn/new%20hair/?action=view&current=1124071732-00.jpg)

that would be me. x]

ah but im not a whiney what you would call “emo” kid. I just like hardcore & punk music and the style those people dress with.