Hello, and welcome to this in depth course on writing a typical note from a junior high girl. If you are a junior high girl, I’m sure you have plenty of experience, unless of course you are the kind of person who spends all day analyzing the heat waves coming from the tarmac on a hot day. Let’s begin.
First, pen choice must be covered. No regular pen will work; you must have some sort of bright colored gel pen. You can find these in the pen isle of any Albertsons®, Office Depot®, Staples®, Safeway®, Costco®, or other place that ends with a little circled ‘r’ thing.
Secondly, a review of how to write with your glittery gel pen. A nice curve to every letter is preferred greatly. Make sure to make the ‘i’ dots a circle, not just a speck, as that would be far too boyish. Your ‘u’s, ‘n’s, or ‘m’s should never have the tail, just a big round curve. Be sure to avoid pointy writing at all costs, as this will seem too harsh for a young adolescent girl’s tastes.
Next, writing style – the most important aspect of a girl’s note. Remember, think happy and cheerful. This attitude can be portrayed delectably with lots of “lol”s, “rofl”s, “omg”s, and of course, “omgtbisdh” – meaning “Oh My Gosh That Boy Is So Darn Hot.” Never write sadly even if Brock, Chad, Bret, or even Bernard just dumped you. Remain cheerful always; including if you followed Casey’s concussion-inducing essay while writing your note.
In addition to how to write and what to write with, we must throw another topic at you – what to write on. Yellow or white wrinkled notebook paper gives the greatest effect. You can rip this out of anybody’s notebook while they are up to get a Kleenex®. Once you have written the note on this paper, be positive to fold it in some odd and painfully difficult way that you found on a MySpace blog. Here’s a hint about MySpace blogs while we’re on the subject: 93.2% of blog “Gurls” are really 35 year old computer geeks who sit in their mother’s basement while sniffing Magic Markers® and surfing blogs just to educate themselves on the art of girl web blog style.
Finally, you will need to learn the art of addressing and delivery. As for the addressing, always write “2: NAME, 4rom: NAME.” As for delivery, you will want to do it through another person, never by yourself. Be confident that your courier will do it very privately, as not to lose the note and reveal to the world…or junior high…who you are currently dating.
Thank you for tolerating me, and I hope your future of girly note writing is a happy cheerful and rounded letter-filled one. As a closing point – remember to never disclose the fact that you have no life; use the excuse that chatting on IM is a perfect childhood hobby.
Lol, C U l8r gRl fRend,
TilR Cawcks
