Okay, this may be an absolutely futile attempt, but I’ve run out of other options. Basically my rent is due as of next week and my landlady is asking for post dated cheques in advance. They were due last week. Now aside from me not actually having any money in my bank account - which is a bridge I’ll cross when I come to it - I have another problem. I can’t find my cheque book. And I have to send the cheques today, because I sort of said I’d already sent them. So where’s my cheque book? Any suggestions? If you manage to help me find it in time you’ll win my everlasting praise. Thank you.
Usually, your financial institution will issue temporary checks. Or better yet, while you’re there, take out a money order to pay your rent. Does your landlord accept Paypal?
Hmmmm. I may resort to the temporary cheques option if I havn’t found it in the next 3 hours. The thing is, I need the problem solved in the laziest way possible… 
I bet it will be in the last place you look. 
Your checkbook is right over there. See it? Yeah, over behind that thing.
did see if it was hidden in a pile of clothes?
No, that’s just his wallet. It’s over on top of that other thing. No, not that one, next to it…yeah, right there.
Hey, I was going to say that…oh, I already did!
You can always take the advice from an old Elton John song:
And it seems I pay the rent in human kindness
But my liquor also helps to grease her palms
Remember, If you have checks or a credit card, you can’t be out of money.
Update: Over the last 8 hours I have turned my house completely upside down (not literally, that would be stupid and of no help whatsoever). Anyway, I didn’t find it, and am having to conclude that I left it in my place in Wales. So can you guys lend me nine hundred quid? In cash? By tomorrow morning?
Stupid Wales.
Maybe your landlady will take ahem some other kind of payment.
(if you know what I mean?)
Well, she’s over a hundred miles away at the moment.
Hey, wait - I can’t believe I actually considered that.
EDIT: You meant cookies right?
Sure, sure.
Cookies.
Is that what the kids call it these days?
Cookies are the highest form of human kindness.
Yeh. It can be really awkward if you’re round a mates house and their mum offers you cookies, and you’re not sure exactly what she means.
See, another situation where I’m just not sure if we’re talking in euphemisms. Works either way though, I guess.
haha