Hope you have a good one today. Looks like you’re officially “crowding 30” now, so best take it easy…
Tom, you’re living in the future. The birthday announcement isn’t till tomorrow. Stop living in Zulu time.
Zulu time has nothing to do with it. Sun rises in east, sets in west. Minnesota is east of Seattle. It is September 1 in Minnesota, and was when I sent the message. Gilby’s birthday is September 1. Gilby lives in Minnesota. Had he read my message the instant it appeared, he would have been reading it on his birthday. It was, as previously noted, a Happy Birthday message. To Gilby.
I think your temporal and spacial circuitry needs to go have a beer… 
Nah, you just need to browse the forum while logged in so you see the local time for your profile.
I just noticed that the default time for the forum is actually GMT rather than UTC or Zulu time. Right now GMT is one hour ahead of UTC time. It seems that Gilby does want his birthday announcement early.
Happy Birthday, oh great webmaster 
by the way, if you happen to read this, and feel like responding, where did you get your double wheeled unicycle from, and how much did the frame cost (I want to get one sometime, that is durable, and has a good crown for doing freestyle stuff)
anyway, Happy Birthday Gilby!
Now you’re just thread-jacking me for amusement. Local time for my profile is irrelevant. Local time when I actually sent it is shown, but what is really relevant is local time on the receiving end. I sent at 10:56 Pacific. Last I checked MN was in Central not Mountain time zone. That makes it 12:56 on the receiving end. Happy Birthday Gilby.
Local time here on the West coast is important. The only way you would see that it is Gilby’s birthday before midnight PDT is if you were browsing while logged off in stealth mode or as an alter-ego that has an East coast profile.
hey!
watch it
happy birthday gilby
(and thanx for keeping these fora running for us)
Many happy returns matey!
and another thanks for the fun that is these fora.
Hey, Gilby, my birthday present for you:
Engineering is the art of moulding materials we do not fully understandinto shapes we cannot fully analyse and preventing the public from realising the full extent of our ignorance.
OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings
- A Slide Rule doesn’t shut down abruptly when it gets too hot.
- One hundred people all using Slide Rules and Paper Pads do not start wailing and screaming due to a single-point failure.
- A Slide Rule doesn’t smoke whenever the power supply hiccups.
- A Slide Rule doesn’t care if you smoke, or hiccup.
- You can spill coffee on a Slide Rule; you can use a Slide Rule while completely submerged in coffee.
- You never get nasty system messages about filling up your entire paper quota with pointless GIF pictures for the root window.
- A Slide Rule and Paper Pad fit in a briefcase with space left over for lunch or a change of underwear.
- A properly used Slide Rule can perform pipelined and parallel operations. (Okay, you need a guru for this.)
- You don’t get junk mail offering pricey software upgrades that fix current floating point errors while introducing new ones.
- A Slide Rule doesn’t need scheduled hardware maintenance.
- A Paper Pad supports text and graphics images easily, and can be easily upgraded from monochrome to color.
- Slide Rules are designed to a standardized, open architecture. * You can hold a Slide Rule at arm’s length, to hit the obnoxious person at the next seat over.
- A Slide Rule is immune to viruses, worms, and other depradations from hostile adolescents with telephones.
- Additional Paper Pads can be integrated into the system seamlessly and without needing to reconfigure everything.
- Nobody will make you feel bad by introducing a smaller, faster, cheaper slide rule next month.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that’s what they did last year.
The Top 10 Things Engineering School didn’t teach
- There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
- Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
- Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
- Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
- Always try to fix the hardware with software.
- Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
- Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
- Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
- If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
- Dilbert is a documentary.
An engineer and an Special Forces NCO are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The engineer leans over to the Green Beret and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The SF guy just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines.
The engineer persists, explaining that his game is really easy and a lot of fun: “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $5.”
Again, the Beret politely declines, trying to get to sleep.
The engineer, now somewhat agitated, says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50!” This catches the Beret’s attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he finally agrees to try. The engineer asks the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”
The Beret doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill, and hands it to the engineer. Now, it’s the Beret’s turn. He asks the engineer: “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
The engineer looks at him for a long time, contemplating. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his coworkers–all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Beret and hands him $50. The Green Beret politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The engineer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Beret and asks, “Well, so… what’s the answer?”
Without a word, the Green Beret reaches into his wallet, hands the engineer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.
YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF…
*if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
*if you enjoy pain.
*if you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.
*if you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”
*if you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
*if when you look in a mirror, you see an engineering major.
*if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
*if you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”
*if you always do homework on Friday nights.
*if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
*if you think in “math.”
*if you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
*if you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.
*if you have a pet named after a scientist.
*if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
*if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger’s Cat experiment.
*if you can translate English into Binary.
*if you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says “Exit.”
*if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.
*if you are completely addicted to caffeine.
*if you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
*if you consider ANY non-science course “easy.”
*if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
*if the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
*if you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.
*if you understood more than five of these indicators.
You might be an engineer if …
*Choosing to buy flowers for your girlfriend or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma.
*You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
*In college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
*The sales people at the local computer store can’t answer any of your questions.
*At an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
*You bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
*You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
*You can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
*You comment to your spouse that his/her straight hair is nice and parallel.
*You sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
*You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
*You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
*You know what “http://” stands for.
*You look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids’ toys together.
*You see a good design and still have to change it.
*You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
*You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
*You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
*You window shop at Radio Shack.
*Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
*Your spouse hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
*You’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
*You’ve tried to repair a $5 radio
They’re Not Like Other People
People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the non-technical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This discussion will teach you everything you need to know. Customs and mannerisms were studied through observation, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word “engineer” is greatly overused. If there’s somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give them this test to discern the truth.
Engineer Identification Test
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You …
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is “C,” but partial credit can be given to anyone who writes “It depends” in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on marketing.
Social Skills
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. “Normal” people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
Important social contacts
A feeling of connectedness with other human beings
In contrast to “normal” people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
Get it over with as soon as possible
Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant
Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects
Fascination with Gadgets
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be palced into one of two categories:
Things that need to be fixed
Things that will need to be fixed after you’ve had a few minutes to play with them
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don’t understand this concept; they believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of eflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
Fashion and Appearance
Engineers are genrally satisfied with their clothing if basic threshholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no private parts are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
Love of “Star Trek”
Engineers love all of the “Star Trek” television shows and movies. It’s a small wonder, since the engineers on the Starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having romance with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having romance without the participation of other life forms.
Dating and Social Life
Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various direct and duplicitpus methods to creat a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: Intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it’s true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before finding romance.
Bill Gates
MacGyver
Etcetera
Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it’s a warm day.
Honesty
Engineers are always honest in amtters of technology and human relationships. That’s why it’s a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can’t handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because the intention behind the statement is true. Some common engineer lies are:
“I won’t change anything without asking you first.”
“I’ll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow.”
“I have to have new equipment to do my job.”
“I’m not jealous of your new computer.”
Frugality
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is “How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?”
Powers of Concentration
Risk
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will traet it like it’s a big deal or something.
Examples of Bad Press for Engineers
Hindenberg
SPANet ™
Hubble space telescope
Apollo 13
Titanic
Ford Pinto
Corvair
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
Risk: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
Reward: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
If that approcah is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: “It’s technically possible, but it will cost too much.”
Ego
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
How smart they are.
How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it’s solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal – a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem, they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex–and this includes the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can’t be done (a code ohrase that means it’s not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to look at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: “I’ll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems.”
At this point, it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer wil set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
Why Engineers don’t cook…
Chocolate Chip Cookies Recipe:
Ingredients:
1.) 532.35 cm3 gluten
2.) 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3.) 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4.) 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5.) 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6.) 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7.) 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8.) Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9.) 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10.) 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
Directions:
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
From one engineer to another…Happy Birthday!
Go Gilby.
Happy Birthday.
Happy B-Day Gilby!!!
Happy Birthday, have a great day!
Happy Birthday Kevin. I hope today is productive and you make lots of $$$$$$$.
Thanks guys.
Tom’s message was posted at 2005-09-01 12:56 AM… though I went to bed before midnight here.
Slide rule? Thanks Bruce for making me not feel like I’m getting old.
Paul Wyganowski built it, but it burned up in my parents house fire, so I am in the same situation you are in to find a good double wheeler. I never really added the price up on that unicycle, but I’d guess it to be around $800.
Thanks… I hope it goes on for more than just today on the productivity. I woke up thinking of resolutions for the next year.
Happy B-Day !
… and many more !
Happy birthday to the 1337-est unicyclist
balloons HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! balloons
Happy Birthday, Gilby. Thanks for the fora. I’ve been 26 a couple of times. The first time was way better. Enjoy it.