http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/chamber/61578
Photo, too!
YEE-OUCH!
DOCS REMOVE UNICYCLE FROM 590-POUND CLOWN’S BUTT
By RICK PINCHER
Doctors removed a full-size unicycle from a 590- pound circus clown’s butt after he plopped his double-wide behind on its narrow seat and “sank to the sawdust,” driving the frame, pedals and wheel a mouth-puckering 36- inches UP into his colon!
“It hurt,” Ron Timmerman, a.k.a. “Bunky the Fat-Arsed Clown,” said from his hospital bed in London, England.
"It was like somebody hit me from behind with a harpoon or rammed a white-hot poker up me bum.
"By the time I hit the ground, all I could do was roll over to one side and lay there screaming, ‘Somebody get it out!’ "
The harrowing backdoor drama unfolded as Bunky and two clown cohorts were finishing their act with the Colby- Bratton Circus while a chuckling crowd of 1,500 children and adults watched.
As the other clowns smacked him with foam bats, Bunky yanked the unicycle out from under his billowing jacket and proceeded to ride off into the sunset as he had done hundreds of times before.
“I slipped and hit the seat too hard,” he recalls with a shudder. "The pain was blinding, and for a minute there, everybody under the big top went silent, like they were all holding their breath at the same time.
“But as soon as I started screaming, they started hootin’ and hollerin’ like it was part of my act. I was shaking my head and crying and cussing, and the more I did, they more they guffawed.”
It took nine strong men to hoist Bunky into the ambulance. Once hospitalized, three doctors toiled for almost four touch-and-go hours while extracting the unicycle from the flabby funnyman’s innards.
“He’s lucky he’s alive,” observed one surgeon. "The unicycle went straight in, and with a little cutting here and there to ‘open things up a bit,’ it came straight out.
"Had it turned a little to the left or a little to the right when he sat down on it, the story could have been vastly different.
" Bunky’s got the Man Upstairs to thank for this one."
The doctors have advised the clown to stay off his feet for at least six weeks, and warn that a year may pass before he is well enough to perform again.
“They say I should be able to ride my unicycle after I heal,” says Bunky. “But I’m thinking it’s going to be a cold day in Hell before I put my bottom on anything narrower than a bar stool.”
Published on: 03/01/2005
