I opened the fridge door, and a bottle of ketchup fell out and burst open on the floor. It went everywhere. Up the cupboards, under the fridge… it even went up - yes, right up inside - my pants leg. The splatter extended as far as my uni, which was propped at the end of the counter. The kitchen looked like a particularly gruesome crime scene, or a unicycle disaster zone.
I hope I never make a sticky red mess like that as a result of a UDM! 
Susan
That sounds like only one disaster…
I’m sure that everyone reading this thread will be most shocked by the idea of a unicycle in the kitchen. Whatever next?
<Irony>
Well, there is Joe, who occasionally comes to the local club, and who, to the dismay of his wife, keeps his giraffe in the shower.
You do realise that the age-old debate about whether ‘ketchup-should-be-kept-in-the-cupboard-or-the-fridge-once-opened’ is now going to kick off?
See what you’ve done?
Had that discussion on air a while back.
Given the average summer temperature in this town meant it was a pretty short discussion.
If I find a giraffe in my shower, will that make two?
I got called down to the fringe and there was this arsonist lighting fires with fireworks. There were 13 actioned fires out of the Niesbit firebase alone.
We had an absolutely useless crewleader on the crew that I got stuck on. We narrowly avoided a crash at an intersection after a half ton stopped right in the middle confused by our lights and sirens. then the foot valve on the intake hose on our regular pump was wrecked when we went to re-fill the pumper trailer and our Mark 3 crapped out on us.
A few houses and a whole bunch of vehicles burnt down yesterday as well as hundreds of hectares of land.
Today should be fun as well. Warm, windy and close to crossover weather (low RH)
They need to start paying us more
Ah, I remember when I used to startle my wife with my python in the shower.
You think that’s a disaster? Did you read what I said… The ketchup went right up my pants leg! 
And then I had to go take a shower… and I have this fear of snakes…
Glass or plastic bottle?
Plastic, of course. They’re shatter proof… except this one wasn’t. I didn’t see the detonator, but this bottle definitely had one.
Whadaya mean ‘plastic of course’?
Don’t they still sell glass ketchup bottles with you?
Man, there’s nothing like getting a numb hand from bangin’ on the bottom of a bottle for half an hour trying to get a pea-sized dollop of ketchup out.
Put a straw up the bottle.
It equalises the pressure inside and outside the bottle and lets the tommy k flow freely.
Now he tells me.
I’m not sure I’d trust advice from anyone who calls good old fashioned “red sauce” “Tommy K”.
It’s what they call it around Stocky P.
what are these nicknames and what do they stand for ?! 
Let me get this straight. You drop some food on the floor and you call that a disaster? Who do you think you are, Chicken Little? Sonny, I think you’ve been cooped up in your cage a little too long.
Listen here… when I was just 15, working at the cannery, one of the buildings on the other side of the yard went up in flames in no time at all. They say a boiler exploded. A dozen people died that day, but no one called it a disaster. Heck, even the paper put it on page 3.
Come to think of it, some called it a flash in the pan compared to the fire after the Great Quake in San Francisco. Now that was a disaster. Thousands dead. Hundreds of acres burned to the ground.
You still listening? You oughtta stick your head out the window once in a while, maybe read the Sunday paper now and then. No one would care if you dropped a whole grocery sack down the stairs, while there’s people dropping dead in the streets from drugs, crime and poverty.
What next, you gonna start crying when your ice cream melts?
Aww, shucks, I think I might be missing bingo. You get along now, son.
Well… Trickcyclist is cockney rhyming slang for psychiatrist - call me if you need help. I suspect that johnfoss, might actually be called John Foss. 
If you ask me, Mike is a fool.:o J Ess are initials.
Into the Blue suffers from excessively glutinous snot. Gild is an okay guy, despite the fact at he wears an orange hoodie, carries and AK, and blames Canada.
Saskatchewanian is into flatland. Boogiejuice is something that comes out of a man’s unicycle brake lever when he reaches between his legs on the downhill stretch. A unibikeling is a changeling left in the care of a bicycling couple, brought up on two wheels, but genetically uni.
Hope that explains everything.
