Dangerous virus warning (funny)

>From: “Foss, JohnX” <johnx.foss@intel.com> To: “‘Allen Briscoe-Smith’”
><icede@table.jps.net>, “‘Andy Cotter’” <cotter@skypoint.com>, “‘Darren Keenan’”
><dkeenan@pandesic.com>, “‘Gwen Foss (books)’” <booksabound@greatid.com>, "'Jack
>Halpern’" <jack@kanji.org>, “‘Jacquie Dillard’” <quie77@aol.com>, “‘Jennings’”
><aloe1@jps.net>, “‘John Foss’” <jfoss@unicycling.com>, “‘Mary Bersamin’”
><mary.bersamin@aerojet.com>, “‘Steve Dressler’” <trdwnds@asiaonline.net>,
>"‘Suzanne Jackson’" <sjackson@pandesic.com>, “‘Tim Bustos Home’”
><delphile@aol.com> Subject: Dangerous virus warning (funny) Date: Wed, 3 Mar
>1999 16:05:34 -0800 X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2232.9)
>> If you receive an email entitled “Badtimes,” delete it immediately. Do not
>> open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
>> It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete
>> anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
>> It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your
>> ATM access code, messes up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field
>> harmonics to scratch any CD’s you attempt to play.
>> It will re-calibrate your refrigerator’s coolness settings so all your ice
>> cream melts and your milk curdles.
>> It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law’s number.
>> This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will leave dirty socks
>> on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
>> Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be
>> honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
>> It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while
>> dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel
>> rendezvous to your Visa card.
>> It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only
>> fun until someone loses an eye.
>> It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It will rewrite your backup
>> files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating
>> undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key
>> sentences.
>> If the “Badtimes” message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave
>> the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to
>> a full bathtub.
>> It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows,
>> but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
>> It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will molecularly
>> rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.
>> It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is
>> also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
>> These are just a few signs of infection. PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO