Well, some of you will have noticed an absence of “wride ups” over recent weeks. The really alert ones among you will notice that this one is in JC, not RSU. There’s a reason.
I’m based in Nottingham, in the east midlands region of England, not far from Sheffield (twinned with Venice) and Doncaster (twinned with Atlantis). The weather has been simply dreadful for the last month and a half - it seems like forever - and even the shortest trip (e.g. taking the garbage out to the bin) is fraught with danger. I’ve had wind (I should chew my food better), rain, thunder, lighting and scorching sun. If you don’t like the weather, they say, wait five minutes and it’ll change. The ground is waterlogged, fish are jumpin’ and the river is high.
The result is that I have not done a single unicycle ride since the incident a few weeks ago when I fell in the Trent trying to ride through a flooded tunnel.
But in the meantime, I have taken delivery of a new steed: a fixed-gear bicycle. Imagine a recumbent giraffe with a training wheel. Well, it looks nothing like that.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a “fixed gear” or “fixed wheel” bike has a single speed, and no freewheel. That means that as long as the bike is moving, the pedals are going round, just like on a unicycle. There’s none of that sissy coasting downhill, and if you get off and push it, the pedal creeps up on the back of your leg and bites it.
So far, I’ve had exactly one evening in which I could ride it.
I’ve never ridden a fixed wheel bike before, and I live at the top of a hill with a T junction at the bottom.
So, after a few quick spurts up and down the pavement to make sure I had the seat and handlebars as right as I could get them, I set off. No helmet. Mistake! The bike has a short and steep frame with low bars, and everything feels very twitchy. I feel very vulnerable. Fortunately, I have brakes (real hardcore fixed-wheel riders have none, or only one) and I need them as I approach the T junction.
The coordination of starting and stopping and steering whilst still pedaling is easy enough for me as a unicyclist. It just takes a little effort to get my toes in the clips. (Clipless pedals are for later, when I’m used to it.) Accelerating from a standstill is not too difficult because I’m in a fairly medium gear (about 70 inches) but things like hand signals are a challenge because the bars are far lower than I’ve ever been used to.
A long straight and gradual downhill makes me overconfident, and soon I’m spinnning merrily along - until I remember the speed humps ahead of me, and I hear the car on my tail. I try to slow down using the pedals and nearly catapult myself over the handlebars. There is a moment of panic, and I cannot deny that I swore.
Left at the pimple roundabout, and then it’s a long slow uphill. Someone on a mountainbike is ahead of me, twiddling a low gear. I gradually catch up, but decide not to overtake as I’m not ready to provoke a race. I settle in behind him and he slows down, meaning I have to slow down and I lose momentum.
Eventually, frustrated, I pull past him and accelerate away… but the hill gets steeper, and I have no gears, and soon I am standing on the pedals, pulling on the handlebars, gritting my teeth and grunting like the plumber in a porn film (I, er… imagine).
I make it to the top, and cruise for a bit before turning left and down a steep hill. Woooh… fixed gear, low bars, steep hill, brakes on full, and co-ordination problems. The hill is littered with speed humps and give way junctions and just “going for it” isn’t an option.
Back home, and slightly alarmed by what I have bought.
An hour or two later, the bike goes in the back of the car, and I’m off to the riverside. The long straight of road that is boring on a unicycle is soon gone, but the insects hit my face much harder at this speed.
Over the cattle grid, rattling my teeth, and then I get some speed on - until I have to slow down for loose dogs and oblivious pedestrians.
I turn off onto a side track. Here I am on a fixed gear road bike with 23 mm tyres at about 110 psi, low bars, rock hard razorblade saddle, riding cross country… I know people who find an evening watching a DVD quite exciting.
I won’t relate the whole ride - it was all the usual stuff: you know, herons, ducks, chaffinches, trees and stuff. It was interesting to see how different a familiar route felt on two wheels. On an 18 speed fat tyred mountainbike, it would have been mildly pleasant. On this machine, the off road sections were at least as tricky as on the Bacon Slicer (same wheel size and tyre section, only one wheel) and possibly more so.
I think it’s an honorary unicycle.
Now, here’s hoping for summer to arrive some time.