Choose Life...

We saw someone wearing a snowboarding skit of the “Choose Life” monologue by John Hodge, used in Trainspotting, earlier today. Parodies of this seem to be many and varied, including Adminspotting… but I don’t think there’s a unicycle related one, or at least I couldn’t find one.

Here’s a somewhat sanitised version of what we came up with; Hodge’s original is a lot more, erm, liberal in its use of language. Given a few iterations I’m quite tempted to stick it on a t-shirt…

      • Choose Life. Choose a wheel. Choose a trail. Choose a really
  • . * wide tyre, choose airseats, Profiles, cranks and shin-mashing
  • M * pedals. Choose impressive scars, aching muscles, and bruised
  • U * ankles. Choose thinking up retorts to people humming Entry of
  • N * the Gladiators. Choose a route. Choose cycling shorts and
  • I * matching leg armour. Choose rugged bumpers for your seat from
  • S * a range of gaudy colours. Choose mud and wondering why on
  • P * earth you’re at the top of a mountain on one wheel. Choose
  • O * sitting on that bum-numbing seat, stuffing
  • T * energy bars into your mouth. Choose collapsing at the
  • T * end of it all, explaining your ride in,
  • I * nothing more than a distraction to the selfish
  • N * brats who joked you’d lost a wheel on the way.
  • G *
  • . * Choose your adventure.
      • Choose Mountain Unicycling.


that’d be a sweet shirt. I’d buy one of those quick.

Re: Choose Life…


I love it! A friend of mine just told me she can get shirts silk screened rather cheaply (she showed me one she had done and it looked really good).

I also have a penchant for graphic design, so I think I might take up this project, or at least get a good image if someone else wants to make the shirts. We can see…

Here’s a few thoughts I had:

The reference to Entry of the Gladiators is priceless. A must-have.

I guess this one didn’t endear me a great deal, for some reason. I think it might be a little too long, as the monologue generally has a fairly curt, forceful pace to it. For some reason I just don’t like the “range of gaudy colours”. That and maybe because it’s something I don’t identify with. I’d vote to switch it out with something else, if you’d be accepting of that (though it is your work, so you’d have first call, of course).

I’d change this to “Choose sitting on a bum-numbing seat”. Otherwise good.

I’ll start playing with Illustrator.


Re: Choose Life…

I think it’s great.

I would change the above to "Choose to think up retorts to people humming circus music. Outside of us, nobody knows that song by name. Plus, other circus tunes should not feel left out!

Re: Re: Choose Life…

The un-sanitised version does not have the word “gaudy” in it. There are a few sections that were added simply due to an inability to think of anything else; this was one of them. The proper version goes “Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of — fabrics”. There’s not much unicycling related we could think of for that… if you can think of anything, let me know!

Good idea…


Re: Re: Choose Life…

I must say I cannot agree. I think part of the beauty of having ‘Entry of the Gladiators’ is the fact it is mostly an inside joke.

My main reason, however, for wanting it to stay is for educational purposes. Everyone knows “that circus song” but no one knows its actual name. I didn’t learn what it was until I started reading RSU four months ago. I would really like it if people could actually know what they are humming and I’d answer with pride if someone asked me, “What is Entry of the Gladiators?” I’d say, “well, you know that circus song…”

Other circus tunes (to be honest, I can’t say I know any) aren’t being excluded by naming Entry of the Gladiators, because people don’t ever hum anything else. I’ve never had anyone start a rendition of “that generic circus tune”… maybe others have.

There would have to be a consensus on how to spell ‘tyre’. I’m rather flexible and could accept either ‘tire’ or ‘tyre’. I might even be prone to choose the latter for the sake of being different. Also I was pleased to see that ‘colour’ was spelled with a ‘u’, as I am very used to doing (and as it should be, of course :))

Cogs are turning on what could replace the bumper bit.


Re: Re: Re: Choose Life…

Why, “tyre”, of course! Just because some people were too busy throwing tea over the side of ships* to remember how to spell properly doesn’t mean I should change it… :slight_smile:

My initial mockup of the design is linked to from the bottom of - Tämä WWW-sivu on myynnissä. - flippet Lähteet ja tiedot. . Please note this is the completely unsanitised, avert-your-eyes version.


  • Many apologies to historians…

Ooooh, I love the punch of the unabridged version. Seems to capture how I feel sometimes. Make that one into a shirt. Maybe as an alternate.


I’ve done an orange version, it’s in the same place as the other. I’ll do a sanitised version after breakfast… :slight_smile:


Well that’s the back of the t-shirt, anyway… what for the front? Aargh!


Blast it Phil! You’ve gone and done more work than I… now my efforts are looking slack ;). My excuse is I had to whip up a fresh batch of webpage, which took an couple of hours. The wonders of my webspace can be viewed at

On said website I have posted a link to my version of the MUnispotting layout, as well as some notes (various changes and comments I have on the specific iteration of the design).

Re: my design. I’m up for colour and content modification – suggest away!

Phil, I like your idea for the front of the shirt… I was thinking something along the same lines (take a peek at his webpage (near the bottom) to see what it is). Perhaps something centred, stretched across the chest? Or in the top-left corner?


I think that’s great!

OK, now for the dilema we face about Phil and others like him misspelling tire.

How about substituing that for a non-fussy word? Like fat wheel, or something like it. Simply becasuse wearing a shirt with such an obvious thing for people to look and point and say, (in their best Cleetus The Slack-Jawed Yokel impression) ‘Duh, hey mister they spelt tire wrong, haw haw haw’

Airseats…Airseat?!? Oh, I remember THOSE!

Thanks for the support. It’s nice to know people are actually looking at the work being done.

Now, about this ‘tyre’ issue. Like I said before, I’m actually a fan of the spelling. If nothing else it’ll get people to think there’s an alternative to ‘tire’. I don’t get too worked-up when I see ‘color’ or ‘center’, so I don’t think too many folk will be all in a huff over ‘tyre’ – unless there are a large number of the Cleetus types in London (and remember that I’m in Hamilton… I think if anything there’d be more here :)).

And let’s not get too elitist with your KH Velo. Understandably it’s nice, but we can’t instantly forget about the lovely, well-used and time-proven airseat :).


Yes I can


You gonna make it out to London for a ride? It’s only an hour away, and there’s some great snow muni trails! I don’t think it would worth an hour drive each way to come to our club meet, but definetly for a great ride!

Just for you, Sofa, I have made another version…


I actually can’t think of a generic replacement; “wheel” is in the line above, so would sound a bit odd.


I love it… make me one without the swears and with the “tire”

-Jonathan Ware-

Could you maybe make it say wyde tire?

You want an Olde Worlde version of it?

Choofe Lyfe. Choose yon wheel…




Phil - put me down for two, XL, but only if you print the un-sanitised version.

Tha’ts absolutely the most wonderful thing I’ve seen in a week.
I don’t suppose you could add something to the effect of. “Choose cheap parts, break them, and then choose profiles.” Probably not…I’m just upset cuz I twisted my cranks last night.

Anyway I’d buy one.