catdog and how to deal with unicycle sluts...



listenin to train

“drops of jupiter”

sunday morning

9:38 am 8 June 2003

2 days to go


here are the lyrics i downloaded

nearly right

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s time to change, hey hey
Since the return of her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and talks like June, hey hey

But tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is over rated
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And then you miss me while you were lookin’ for yourself out there

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey hey

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as plain ol’ Jane
Told a story 'bout a man who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
even when i know your wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance, five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had… and me

But tell me did
you sail accross the sun
Did you make it to the Milky way
to see the lights all faded
and that heaven is over rated
Tell me did you fall for a shooting star
one without a permanent scar
and did you miss me while you were
looking for yourself
And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And did you fall for a shooting star
Fall for a shooting star
And are you lonely while looking for yourself out there


just have a cone


pain’s large


big busts in town this week

supply’s low

fucked way to buy painkiller


ryan woke me up at seven

ah well

it’s a three day weekend

queen’s birthday holiday weekend




playin now…



will they ever gte the fucker’s right ?

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear.
And I can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the
fear take the wheel and steer.
It’s driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal.
But lately I am beginning to find that
I should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes.
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It’s driven me before and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around.
But lately I’m beginning to find that
when I drive myself my light is found.
So whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there with open arms and open eyes. Yeh.
Would you kill the Queen to crush the hive?
Would you choose water over wine…
hold the wheel and drive?


i saw a lady transcribe a song

shorthand don’t ya know

and she was wrong too


i need to read the lyric sheet

then i can remember the words


watchin catdog

the other day

it’s a show about an animal

that’s one end cat

and one end dog

just the mouth parts

watched the credits

and saw

written by

Peter Hannan

that’s the name of Andrew’s grandfather

no i don’t think he’s the writer

andrew loved the show though

not fuckin fair


2 more days

three years



“Purple Hills”

i won’t post the lyrics i got

they’re so far from the truth

it just ain’t worth it


fuckin repressed human beings

my missus was crook last night

and went to sleep

and i woke up cranky

with the pain runnin high

and a seven year old boy in the bed

talking at seven am

on a sunday morning

about his agenda

the young man is too young

to appreciate my agenda


that means i live with extra pain for the day

you try livin with blue balls everyday


be alright if i could wank in three minutes

but that’s rare


ah well

sex tonight will be mega


don’t like it ?

don’t believe it ?

don’t care ?

fuck off

my book



i look at a woman

i feel desire

i get punished





it’s hurtin bad

livin round the testicles


went ridin in town yesterday

had a fuckin fat time

i’ll go ridin again today

witha couple of cones inside me

for the pain

and feed on the smiles

and groove on life

and have fuckin fun…


it’s what it means

to be

the land surfer…


my problem


ride a unicycle in the surf

and know god…


i was ridin along yesterday

and this guy starts ridin a pushie next to me

and we have a chat

as we pedal along

the bike path in the botanical gardens

gorgeous place

talkin unicycles and fun

and i was smilin

which you know already

it makes me feel better

and we can all use that…


dancing on a unicycle


it numbs the pain


if ya put extreme pressure on an area

over an extended period of time

the area goes numb

and stays numb

for a time…


and of course

there is no drug

as good




i told a guy the other


that i did it all

for the experience

which i kinda did…


oh yeah

i wrote a book about it

what’s that ?


i might publish

haven’t looked into it

hey ?


i had a fucking good time…


i was a street entertainer

and an artist

ridin around with a professionally made up face

provided from a former tv star

and i didn’t feel appreciated

so i got bored

and left

now i get my unicycling kicks

in bigger crowds

in the daytime

not quite the same


still fulfilling


you know it

all them fuckin smiles

millions of the fuckers

i go get a job

half the guys in the place go

" i know your face "


they don’t know who i am

i had to cop to bein on telly a few times

people have told me about it

just haven’t seen it

“and are ya lonely out there?”



“i love what you do”

no ya don’t…


not in the real world


i got woke up this morning early

and didn’t wanta disturb my penthouse model in the bed

nice body

so i went in the lounge

and flicked on the tube

and caught 20/20

and saw the tale of this guy

who’d been sleeping in the subway toilets with his son

and now drives a ferrari

and owns a stockbroking firm


fourty-one is still young

i haven’t given up yet


friday thirteenth

next friday

and i’m thinkin

i should go ride the clubbers

the late night crowd

and then i think

nah fuck em

i’ll get a real pay

and i’ll get really stoned

and painfree

and go for a big drive

to a lonely beach

with nice hard sand

and ride the low tide in the dark



we’ll see

the land surfer…



just a character in a book

is a bit pissed at the crowd

“we love you man”

no ya don’t

if ya loved me

i’d be livin in a penthouse

with my penthouse pet

the versace lady

and we wouldn’t be worried about money

and both of us wouldn’t be cleaning

cause that’s what we do

you’re full of shit

don’t tell me that ya love me…


“we’ll get ya funding”

“we love what you do”


you won’t

like people everywhere

you’ll do your agenda

and get out of it

what you want

and the land surfer

will get sick of playin toyboy

and get bored


it all makes a good tale

all that ridin around

bein able to say

i was a street entertainer

in surfer’s paradise

singin with the buskers

and makin the people smile

and ya know what ya get asked

when ya talk about it ?

did ya make much money ?



but they gave me piss and drugs

well mostly

some wouldn’t give anybody anything


“or go out in the street for nothin”


it’s not my karma…


where’s my car break down ?


ya might see me on telly again soon andrew

know this

i love you…


never ever come between a man and his son


i don’t enjoy the attention

i do enjoy the attention

go figure…


but i love my son


if andrew see’s me

on the telly

on the news

boppin along on a unique unicycle

he might remember me

and question

what his mother tells him

cause she tells lots of lies

i’m a wizard on a unicycle

the land surfer…

and my job

is to be known by thousands and thousands of people

so that when my picture

goes on the telly

they go

i’ve seen that guy

he rode past me one day

and i yelled out

“you are a legend”

i didn’t know

he was

out there

because he couldn’t see his son…


it’s always easier to criticize than it is to do

and if ya play devil’s advocate all the time

people are gunna think you’re

a negative prick

think positive paulie…


no believers…


i’m a believer…


come with me on a journey


what’s that ?

you want to do it your way


and you want me to do it your way


my journey

my proofs

my tale…


the adventures of the land surfer…

surfing the land on a unicyle


i got told it sounds catchy


ride a unicycle in the surf

you’ll get drop dead gorgeous women

comin up for photo ops

but you won’t get money

more importantly

you won’t get much support…


only the little people will help


we know who helped


and mostly



i don’t care about what


think about me and my problems

i do something positive about

my testicle problem

even if 99% of you don’t even think i’ve got a problem

i don’t give a fuck

it’s my life

i’m doin the right thing for me

you can go and get fucked

i ain’t normal

and i’m old enough and crotchety enough

not to fucking care what you think

i’m gunna be me…


had to hide me till i was twenty-seven

and then bits of me came out

and shared with a wife

the biggest problem in my life

and she didn’t give a fuck

so i got divorced

cause she didn’t care

and tried again

and told her the truth

and she didn’t give a fuck

so i got divorced

cause there’s no sense

stayin with a woman

who doesn’t care

that ya’ve got sore balls

and then i told every woman

that i got close to

and i watched and listened

and found jane

and she cares

“she does give a fuck”

does she ever…


mik was right

about the kind of woman

i needed in my life


three years on tuesday elizabeth

you don’t own my son…


and you one hundred percent

can’t stop me

writing my blog


on the net




you can buy net time

anywhere now

without a credit card

without a name

and space

on the net

is always there

out there…


“in here”


rather than do it your way

with fancy lawyers

and double speak

and how much money do i have in the bank

i’ll do it my way…


and have thousands of people read the tale

and people are people…


a sizable proportion

of the residents



queens land

have seen paulie

ridin around on a dirty big unicycle

makin smiles

and every day

the number goes up



the land surfer…

am laughing my fucking head off…




“you wanna go play in court”

“with an institution”



you might not have a choice


the very same social workers

have a duty of care

and they fucked up

and i’ve got enough balls

to write to the premier of the state

to complain about it

and to journalists

around the world

and even tv stations

and one day

one of those eggs i dropped

will hatch

and out of it will come

my son…


and justice…


“i can do anything i want”

“the law favours the woman”

“all i have to do”

“is accuse you”

dead wrong…


you made an enemy…


and i am goin to




and there is fuck all

that you can do about it


if i can get to a computer

with net access

i can rebuild the site


and every day

the book

is stored in more places

that are


the book

can’t be stopped

even if you read every word

you can’t get every copy

i did think about it

there aren’t enough clues…


they don’t like you elizabeth

those women

they don’t like you at all

and one day

they’ll get off their arses

and they’ll bite you

and i won’t protect you

not this time…

you didn’t look after me…


get fucked

it’s my book…


coupla days


then a brief respite till his brithday comes up

ah well

it’s off my chest for another day

<<< smile >>>


if you got threatened with your kid

from before he was born

you’d bare a grudge too…


and i’m a wizard

a wizard on a unicycle

and patient

and i will win…


i ejaculate

either that or die

and i am

the land surfer…


Editor’s note:

Insert newsgroup tag here.


the adventures of the land surfer…

surfing the land on a unicycle

“suck my fucking string…”

the story of a psychic man
adventuring his way through the subconscious in search of truth
he finds a little more than he bargained for

99% true story , only 1% bullshit, honestly…
would we lie?

book one

book two

book three

a psychic comedy…
"but you knew that right ?


I think the only way to respond to this is a quote by brittany spears.

“Anybody can write artistic crap, pop is some of the hardest shit to write”

I’m not shitting you. I read that in rolling stone


Hey Paulie,

Disclaimer: I am not offended by obscenity.

Fact: I am offended by people that waste vast amounts of vertical space to say nothing of relevance. That’s compounded when they use obscenities to compensate for their lack of command of the language.

This is a community forum, focused on a sport. Very young kids are in attendance. Your post is off-topic at best.

My recommend: you should take your attempts at “art” and post them in a more appropriate forum, say, Rec.Sport.idiotsthatwillreadanythingaslongasitstrash.


It rings the TRUTH!!

Elegant artistic evidence of the duality of this universe. I am well coocked in the couldren of pleasure and pain too, hence understanding. Fun !. I used to winsurf. Now I groundsurf too. Ha!:smiley:

catdog and how to deal with unicycle sluts…

I’m taking bets on whether Paulie and the excremental (“sendtroll”) are the same.


Excellent reply, Chex!

Del Taco?

what does that mean?

Re: catdog and how to deal with unicycle sluts…

can i take bets on someone who got dumped for the first time?
and judging by most of that, not for the last time either


its from
from a Strong Bad e-mail.



That’d be the one

I didn’t bother to read it all, but this post gets my vote for the longest ever. (not word count, actual screen space)

Strong Bad: D-d-d---- d-d-d-d- d-d-d-d–d-d-d DA-LEETED!!!

Saved forever!!!



Maybe you should move this thread to the ‘Just Conversation’ list?