bugger pt 5

bugger pt 5

well that’s one page out of

my psychic diary

that will never be published

worth it though

to see gay lady jennifer

clothed only in a towel


hi psychic diary that talks in music


damn she looked hot

my stars for today were right


i cant
compare my bruises
from 4 unicycle stacks with

how yr body looks at present

poor thing



still connected


i had to burn

one of my diary pages




a special on th sun

just started on th tube


i’m one of th few

who’ve seen jen in a dress

clad only in a towel

and arguing football with me

i’ll remember


we were talkin football but

damn u looked vulnerable


fuckoff bitch

my left shoulder

still not workin properly


low flyin trees


least they’re man’s bike scars


wot did th man;s bike do to ya dear ?

fuckin violent lesbians

the offspring
‘the kids arent alright’

not limping but

evry limb has battle scars


call em

dum and mad


tell em u got spoonersim disease


i umm

outed kuta lady was with someone


to her boyfriend

thought i heard u two pullin in

and said who’s that wi her


was actually half an hour later

jen pulled a handbrakie

in th driveway

behind kuta lady

as ya both pulled in th drive

mr oizo
‘flat beat’

alright bitch

evrywhere i go at th moment

evryone showin me their battle scars





bugger pt 5


had to burn a diary page

dr death was enraged


both dr death’s jenny’s are

covered in bruises


and whitey marks






hasnt spoken since


bugger pt 5


“seein jen in a towel was a ploy”

‘come as you are’

priviledges package on th telly paulo

hoem loans


“priviledged ya sayin ?”



“i’ll remember it”

“nxt time they’re baggin her for bein so gay”


“she’s scrumptious in a dress”

alright paulo


she didnt feel me up

and check if i got tits

when i cuddled her friday


pirate jenny is
hidin behind th moustache

trust me

i’m a witchdoctor


oh ok
it never happened

a perfect circle
‘sleeping beauty’

fuck u girls

tell some stories


where do th lies stop ?




“show me th scars”


evry limb
th bitch went to town on er


“mellow jenny”
“or u’ll have to burn another diary page”


wouldnt tell me who

she knows

th bitch would drop dead

seven days later

the lethal kadaitcha man of kuta

still in full possession of his powers


kuta lady caught th boys out this morning

they all thought

they;d lied successfully

but her gift

told her in her sleep

dire straights
‘money for nothing’

knew wot htey’d been up to


it’s why yr th nxt witchdoctor of kuta babe


my dream last week

i die nxt wednesday

not 100%


it’s just my gift telling me

when my birthday is


too many of them

come true


i brought dried flowers

for us to smoke

kuta lady’s

mum and dad

both scarpering off to th bush


this week


“her dad leaves thursday”




just in case

i want u to know these


and here are th keys

to the stoners bible


take car ebabe

my diary is


360000 dead psychic kills in it



th only way to see ppl die

is to kill em

in th present


action reaction


for th record

yr boyfriend


i pointed th bone of death at
the islamic terrorist cunts

th night before the

northern pakistan earthquake

only way i could see it

at th time

and under th circumstances


and um

even go tth

blood mopney curse

ont h net

seven days before

the world trade centre

centre of th world’s money

parked itself in it;s own basement

in ten seconds flat

wow osama


i’m really impressed man

i fuckin hate

writin predictions to

terrorist incidents

after that fucker

and yeah

this psychic diary does have

about a week

before th

aus plane crash with

ten ppl on board

a wrning of a

terrorist incident

u call it better

a plane crashing on fire

a week before it happens


at least

my psychic diary page titled

10 dead hippies sitting on a wall

nine inch nails
‘fuck you like an animal’

is open to

straight opposites

10 top flight australians

two of em

senior federal police

on a plane crashin

in indonesia

we lost



at least i didnt take
psychic kills outta that one

just saw it wrong

saw th t word and

dropped off th net



it’s become intolerable



bruises and
contusions with jen this arv

was fuckin hard


when yr sister
dear jen

was tryint o pregnant th other week

my unborn daughter

was squeelin in this
psychic diary

about how

she’s liek to live in freefall

for th better looking breasts and

no sag lines

lemmee go bitch


th kuta ladies


all infected with kuta


have i gotta have an
extraordinary amount of crashes

on my unicycle

dont usually damage th body much

just so i

will also be covered in bruises and contusions and

i know how u feel babe


i feel other ppl’s pain

take a look at th wrist slash

keeps oozing blood again


three crashe sina row

in surfers paradise last night

yesterday arv

th fucker opened up again


i still luv u

massive attack
‘hymn of the big wheel’

doesnt normally spit me

quite this often

my diary isnt

usually full of

extreme unicycle injuries


th monoshock unicycle

usually better behaved

not th bald tyre at all

th tyre was bald before

just wont pop

why is my body getting knocked around ?


because i luv this woman


it’s wot i said to er

when i cuddled her friday night


she had a shower

wrapped up in a towel

covered all th bruises and

smiled at me


so is kuta lady’s brother playin centre then ?

my old position

he’s too big to be a winger



she’s into beach football paulo

“it’s good training”


“forgot to spit”


she’s had an offer

to join a team


“they can do with a 21 yr old lesbian”

she’s not all gay

not after that shower scene


cuddles me too tight to be gay


stop hittin chicks
they’ll stop hitting u

ok i lied


ya know my first wife was a

blood sweat and tears
‘spinning wheel’

least it wasnt someone u were throwin out



paulo i got a backwards echo

“dont sweat it”



fuck u chicks can argue



i got dragged into th mess

i was havin drink

and a smoke

with joshie

when th boys night

got planned


i didnt pay any attention

i was goin surfin

at th edge of th island

roll in th door this arv and

find a shitfight


they all did it together did they ?


so it’s not just

this pair


just playin devil’s advocate dear


i dont care

when u yell at me

that i aint agreein wi ya

dr death remember


nearly always

say th wrong thing which

most humans

open their gobs and


i listen


she gets it


i use my gift to
say th 100% wrong thing

but u smoek enough ganga

u understand

the black eyed peas

i’m sorry

th third world war is



last yr

i searched th ether and

didnt flinch when israel
invaded her neighbour

months later


i’d said it wouldnt happen

last yr

after investigation

not prepared

this yr

to give 2007 a

clean bill of health


i specialize in

mas deaths and


on th record as

september 23 2007

as th nxt one

whether i’m still here
givin clues

seven days out

is in doubt


cant stop disasters

can have th crews ready

to go in


or we could


if anybody cared


yeah man

ya dont see

an insane

monoshcock uncicyle

in foot of surf

goin ballistic

evry day

1000’s took piccies

the kinks
‘sunny afternoon’

a nice bright sunny afternoon

low tide was after 3




but no-one cares man

they got their piccies


surfers paradise might not see
nippleclamp again

for six months


the fortitude valley


th kuta lady’s are
enamoured of

the northern coast


1000’s take pics
no-one does anything

th pilot of th thign is
on a pension

their minds will never get that far


preconceived ideas

hey look
it’s a unicycle

get a piccie


why isnt th wizard here this week ?

i really liekd that

crazy suspension unicycle



jumpin gutters and

th hugest slides

southside spinners

highfives and devil signs and

i got my piccies


real magic on that wheel

witchdoctor magic

doesnt get seen anywhere


not one asked for a photo yesterday

i surfed thru

th shade of th world’s

tallest residential tower

th mighty q1 penthouse

and for a brief moment

th tourists and


stopped takin my shade

stopped takin pictures

of th lethal kadaitcha man

he shouldnt be on this beach

in full daylight

janes addiction
‘jane says’(steel drums)


aboriginal traditions


a qualified and

kadaitcha man


just th norhtern pakistan earthquake

bone pointing

put me in a league of my own

amongst my ppl


none of th old witchdoctors

could kill in th tens of thousands


5000 clean
psychic kills

dead islamic terrorist cunts
th nxt day

and 95000
collateral deaths



th bone pointing gift

of death



seven days

plus or minus

six days

depending on th mood

of th psychic cunt

doin th pointing


makin up for
dr death takin 12 days to die

same mob of cunts


th land did shake man

huge fuckin earthquake


wot u can do with

precognition is

well documented

at least here

where humans have lived for th past

hundred thousand yrs


fuckin nostradamus

ya got em in yr spell dude


i got results

3000 times better

than anythin u ever wrote


u didnt have a random number generator


and we follow

in yr footsteps


i implored kuta lady

to go back into her diary

and burn a coupel pages after writin em

watch out for th

bone pointing gift



“she’ll use it”
she has used it

as th head witchdoctor of kuta
should i intervene ?

“let her go”
she’ll kill th bitch

“it;s how ya learn”


kuta lady is on th warpath


no more than five perso and

turn a blind eye


how many do ya think i whacked before


secret men’s business public


yr under th radar

u have th power to kill a yack

what are ya gunna do ?

‘drain you’

i find
th radar love

to be worse than th radar death

for wot it’s worth


but i continue
to take other cunts deaths

and th day of their death

for my own purposes


osama gets taken this yr


“or invalidated”


same thing


one thing ya gotta have kuta lady



can u

jump on th net

in a timely fashion

and give

even days warning

for yr tribe

even when th cunts arent listening

smashing pumpkins

i think five yrs is too long too

how about two


then u’ve got a burnt out



ya have to watch th skies babe

yr all we got


up there off

the big dipper

keep an eye on her


something solid this way comes


i’m too stupid
to let my gift

tell me to get out of th road

i’ll see it coming


i miss th serenity of death

well u should try it sometime

it’s enlightening


there’s nothing
in th rules

says u have to practise kuta


massive attack

i doubt u’ll get massive magic

th kind that moves mountains


no secrets

and doin it

in full view


u can try


it wont give u

server logs


th demand that
yr magic must

always show itself


evry day

until u can

trust it


swear i heard em pull in

when we heard th handbrake slide

after th little white two door rolled in

me and

kuta lady
's boyfriend

both smiled


take him surfing

ya dumb bitch


hasnt had a license in five yrs


she’s so deaf

i’ll put in a good word

she called me

the land surfer long enough


if i can get a
nine foot thruster

not my old board

i used to fly above my head

th prop

down cavill avenue

mains treet of

surfers paradise

after midnight

with darth maul

makeup on

professionally applied

it used to spear into th crowd

just get

taken by a wind gust and



some guy always caught it and


surfers paradise

i got a standing ovation

from a street

so weird


be th board danny


forget th unicycle

u wont be htinkin on th wheel

if ya can contemplate

flyin a surfboard on one hand

above yr head

down thru th nightlife


i been a legend in

too many places


or at least called it

turn th mp3 player up

i’ve heard it all before


yeah man but
nxt week

th crowd is complainin cause

th standard of th makeup has gone down

who’s payin th makeup artist ?


not me


but th crowd luvs me

and secretly waits

for me to fall

city high

shutup kuta
i know i got th wrong colour



yr nxt witchdoctor

is a white chick

with big tits

u’ll ge over it

but maybe they listen to er

as they stare at her tits


she introduced me to


her and her girlfriend

takin me to kuta cafe




i’ll stay out of it

best as i can

hard to hide it from me

as hard as it was

for all th boys

to hide their drug taking last night

she knew about it

‘all apologies’

sometimes babe

ya have to keep it shut

much comes by in th mix

me and paulo censor



sometimes helps


to get truth

u have to give truth

u just

have to disguise it sometimes


as long as kuta understands

th trolls can go fuck emselves


seek truth

nothing else

have some testicles


or when th sun dies

we die


i know it;s just

my gift tellin me

idiot that i am

th day i was born

but it niggles


th nightmare was bad

i got th reprise


not stoned enough

that night when i went to bed


my old man
th murderer

was in that dream


come here so i can hit u cunt


in my nightmare my
punch is

it feels weak

these arms rippling with


from extreme unicycling

cant punch th cunt in th face


fuck u death


live as i’ve lived

gettin my

extreme unicycle sideways and

hangin off rooves doin dumb shit


only one

of th days this diary spits

will be my death date and

i still dont see th cunt


touch wood


but if it happens

u’ll read about it here



seven days before it happens

u that can

read einstein’s

action law

and apply it to



th rest of ya’s

i wouldnt piss on

if u were on fire

pirate jenny

'james boing"
'the land surfer"


the geraldine fibbers
‘dragon lady’