[Every part of me wanted to title this thread “Ass Wednesday” because it would fit so much better with the story I am about to tell, but I know there are some moral majority types who would be greatly offended, so I restrained myself. Please congratulate me].
Anyway, today is Ash Wednesday, a day when all Christians are supposed to act all contrite and stuff. If the truth be told, most pastors hate this day and would prefer to fast foward past it.
But anyway…we have two Ash Wednesday services today, one at 11 for the old people who don’t like to drive at night and one at 7.
In between, I went up to see an older member of the church who had just had hip replacement surgery.
I got there just as she came out of recovery and was getting into a room. She was supposed to have been out of recovery several hours earlier and I had timed my visit as such.
So I asked her, “Marie, why did your surgery take so much longer than expected?” The white haired lady said, without missing a beat, “Because I am such a hard ass. The doctor said he had never seen an ass as hard as mine. He said it took forever to get the hip bone out because my ass muscles were so hard and tight.”
I am telling the truth. That is exactly what this old lady said to me.
So I said what any good pastor would say in the face of such impudence. I said, “Does that make you a hard-ass or just a tight ass?”
She laughed, then groaned, then said, “Don’t make me laugh’ Pastor. I just got out of surgery and the morphine hasn’t kicked in yet.”
So yeah, I think I am right to call it Ass Wednesday. Don’t you?
Jethro