Improved technology and increased exoticism helped mountain biking “get off the
ground” and, if appropriately managed, can make unicycling the national sport
(insert the nation of your choice).
In this spirit I am offering for sale the very latest in unicycling technology:
a unicycle stem and handlebar set based on the US Airforce’s most classified
“Stealth” technology. This stem and handlebar set is designed using renaissance
principles based on Da Vinci’s “vanishing point”. When viewed from the correct
perspective, the entire handlebar set “disappears”.
This set is not steel or even carbon fiber. It is made of 100% Unobtainium which
has been so refined that it is an aesthetic rather than physical experience. In
addition, these are the most ultralight bars on the market. They weigh only 0.0
pounds (that is 0.0 grams for you metric heads).
These handlebars come with a pair of cheap plastic hand grips so that you won’t
lose the bars when they “go invisible.” When you are ready to mount your uni,
just pull out your handgrips, hold them tight, and jump aboard. The handlebars
use “smart digital” to move with your fingers as long as you hold the grips. And
you never have to worry that you will be injured if you fall on these
handlebars–they use an “infinite compression” algorithm to avoid hitting any
part of your body.
We are using a customer sensitive pricing plan for this product. Just send us
all of your bank account and credit card information, and our “clean sweep”
software will sense what you, the customer, should pay.
David Maxfield Vaporware Techonologies Seattle (Please don’t actually send me
any money or other credit info at this time. I am waiting for pent up demand to
reach a critical point.)