A Vicious Attack

I was riding home enjoying the wonderful spring weather with a lackadaisical rhythm to my pedal strokes. I had a cadence that flowed with everything, from my heartbeat to the rustling of trees to my unswerving breaths to the whistling of the wind around my ears. It was more like I was floating along, my unicycle and I moving together. I wasn’t steering it, and it wasn’t steering me. I kept lulling my head a little to the side so that I could see the clear blue sky as I drifted along. I became hypnotized by the tranquility of the moment, lost in utter bliss.

And then the mood was shattered and I was snatched back to reality by a noise foreign to anything in my reverie. I quickly identified it was a bicycle chain clicking as the rider coasted. I could tell from the reflection of the sound that he was coming up behind me on the street. I didn’t know why he sounded so close, but I reacted as I would for a motorist, and steered over as close to the parked cars along the side of the street as I dared. As I waited for him to pass I tried to reclaim my nirvana. There was a muffled squeal as the cyclist behind me squeezed his breaks.

I kept riding, a little perplexed as to why he would stay directly behind me for so long just to slow down now, but then again, people do weird things around unicyclists. I tried to slip back into my daze only to be disturbed, again, by the bicyclist. This time he was pedaling much faster and closing in on me rapidly, so I swerved back even closer to the parked cars and waved for him to just pass already, but instead my motion was greeted by the squeal of breaks.

By now my harmony ride was nothing more than a posthumous memory and befuddlement was quickly flooding my conscious mind. I turned back for the first time to see who was haunting my wake. It was a complete stranger so I turned back around hoping he’d leave.

He didn’t leave. He decided to take the irritation level up a notch by yelling out: “Someday you’ll get your ass jumped for riding that shit through here!”

I didn’t respond. I knew that I deserved to be left alone, I knew that this was my daily commute, I knew that the guy behind me was a jackass, but I also knew that anything I could have said right then would have either enraged him or confused him, and either way the results wouldn’t turn out well for me.

Apparently I was still wrong. By ignoring him I had somehow insulted him, so he proceeded to ride as fast he could in the quarter of a block’s distance separating us. I figured that no mature human would be brainless enough to do what it sounded like he was about to do. So I did nothing.

And that was another mistake. I was hit by 200lb of slow-witted, teenage biker with enough sense to test out a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom of Puget Sound. First I was hit by his shoulder/ handlebars (not quite sure which) in the saddle which started to throw me forward and to the right (based on the angle at which he hit me). And immediately after that, his right pedal thrust into the back of my left ankle pulling my foot off the pedal and throwing me completely off balance to go crashing into a parked car. My right elbow hit a door handle and a caught myself with the mirror. I stood up to see the kid riding off as fast as he could.

My unicycle is fine (it was the first thing I checked), and I’m alright except for a sore ankle and elbow. I still cannot picture any of his motives and certainly no justification for his actions.

You sure have a way with words. You should consider writing. Although i can’t share experiences to that degree i can sympathise with your pain, 200lb slow-witted bikers hurt. I used to ride bmx before i relized i sucked so i switched to a much easier extreme sport…

Be glad he wasn’t driving a car.

Karma may catch up to him and he may find himself one day on the receiving end of a hit and run with a car when he’s on his bike.

When i hear things like this it makes me really angry! If it was me, i probably would have stopped and challenged him before he had hit me, but thats just me. Being a teenaged boy myself, its a shame that this is the reputation that we are given by the small minority of f*ckwits. Rant over!

Hope your ankle and elbow get better.

Ride on!


You gave youselve name starting with Theo…
By coloring of your account you ,athough understandebly little surprised, stand up to the meaning of this part of name given.
The ray of creation carries ,inadverently, oposite forces of the game of life.
Just today, in advansed 70-ties and knowing said above ,I still am REACTIVE to humanoid behavior.(humanoids are far below the level of animals .sic.)
Thanks for sharing.:)Acceptance is very difficult at times!:slight_smile:

i was riding through kilmore ( town where i go to school) and i am still pretty n00bed so i still have crap all balance but these skateboarders followed me around one day and through there skateboards at me it really luckily i got them back by throwing there skateboards back and running i seriously would like to know why unicyclist cop this shit

Re: A Vicious Attack

What an ass!

Some people are like that…just be greatful (small mercy!) that he
wasn’t in a car / truck!
Ride safe!


Didja get a good look at him or his bike? If ya find him sometime make his bike pay… he’s got to lock it up somewhere.

Normally that isn’t my style… but sometimes you have to help Karma out a little bit.

sweet jesus

yea thats horrid and he should be hit by a (three wheeler)moter cycle ha i would have probable called him an a _ _ before he hit me but i think judging from what i heard about him that would have made him hit me harder

look at it this way…you have a nemisis now, a unknown a _ _ nemisis if you ever see him again …figure out who he is and plot your revenge…mwhahaahah…


thats not right.

true its not right but he deserves something in return

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to beat someone to death with a unicycle.

Then again, I don’t want to damage any of my unicycles.

Wow, what a psycho. I would have stopped and ask him WTF his dish was, for better or worse…

Was this kid a gangbanger or something???

That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.

If you ever see him again be prepared to do the uni-tennis-racket defence, that’ll put an end to his evil behavior. :wink:

I would hate to stoop to his level.

Recycled: he was more of a want-to-be gangster.

I’ve not yet been asaulted on my uni but as a long time road biker I’ve had several such incidents. I’ve been so angered that I’ve gotten off my bike and yelled, even begged, the low-lifes (always speeding away in a car after they’ve thrown a beer bottle/apple/egg/soft drink cup at me) to come back and face me like a man. Figuring that I’m in better physical shape than 95+% of folks out there because I excersice regularly, I’m pretty sure I could kick their asses. Not one of them has ever had the cojones to come back. Bunch of cowards. Judging by the way your assailant sped away on his bike he’s a coward too. The one time I got sweet and immediate revenge, I had someone try to run me off the road and I was able to unclip my left foot and kick a sizeable dent in his rear fender. The guy sped away thinking he had hit me. I smiled at the $1000 dent I had given him. FWIW, I’m with those who think that sometimes karma needs a little help.

Looks like he figured out you would be easy to knock over, so he decided to test his theory. That’s assault and battery over here. If he were over 18 you could involve the police (if you could identify him). If he’s a teen this probably isn’t worth it. If its your regular commute, keep your eye out for him. Maybe this is a good time to start using a glasses or helmet mirror to see what’s going on back there. I don’t feel comfortable riding along the road without a mirror.

I like the idea of him being hit by someone on a motorized tricycle. Wouldn’t that be appropriate! Except motorized tricycle riders are still “us,” not like dickhead car drivers. They still have to be afraid of cars themselves.

Take-a-Look by Pace, less vibration than the plastic ones and more robust, mounts on glasses or helmet, adjusts to ANY angle.

that is by far the worst thing that ive ever heard of someone doing to a unicyclinst while riding. thats terrible.

Hunt him down like vermin and despatch him with no mercy.