I’ve been thinking about this for a minute; shave legs, arms, armpits, and everything you can think of. Cut off pinky toes and fingers. Grind fingernails and toenails to nothing. Make sure to cut off eyelids to stay extra alert and can save weight from eye lashes. Take out one eye ball, NOTE MAY CAUSE POOR DEPTH PERCEPTION. Amputate 1 arm, your nose, lower jaw, reproductive organs, appendix, teeth, and other organs and muscles THAT ARENT ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY FOR UNICYCLING. Take out spokes and nipples and replace with scotch tape. Remove rim, tire, frame, and saddle. Remove 4 feet of your intestines, and spinal cord, reattach yourself with scotch tape. Move brain and eye ball to chest cavity, then cut off head and don’t forget to wear a helmet. New medical science has shown that you can combine all of your organs to one single mega functional coca cola bottle. Replace bones with bendy straws. Drain a few pints of blood. Don’t eat for 13 days before riding, and no drinking 47 hours before ride. Or sand your unicycle until all parts are one atom across. And don’t forget your crack pipe.
4 out of 5 crackheads recommend this method.
Finally, if you are really desperate, take your backup uni out of your backpack and burn it. Take the fire with you so it can help lift you up.
Or you can uni on the moon