Just a week or so ago I contributed to a thread regarding night riding. What a pleasure to ride when cars are few and well lit, cooler evenings, lit cityscape, fewer gawpers . . .
Well, this evening I went out at about 11:00 from my home for a couple of hours of cokering pleasure. Unfortunately, I began immediately to cramp badly which is a weird, horrible and so far unexplained physiological ailment that I occasionally suffer. Rather than try to ‘ride through’ the cramp, which never works, I plunked my ass on a corner 2 1/2 blocks from home in our nice quiet residential neighborhood and called my wife to rescue me.
While I waited for Shannon and after having started walking slowly toward home with my enormous Coker rolling at my side, a Ford Bronco swerved fast around ‘my’ well lit corner, threw the car in reverse and parked about 10 m from me. Three guys jumped out of the vehicle and ran in the direction I was headed. It took me a couple seconds to realize that they were running at me. They were young, muscle shirt and baggy shorts kind of late teens. What we decided later was a distraction ploy, one of them accused me of having ‘called the cops on them’ while at CVS pharmacy. As I nervously but truthfully denied this to the one accuser, a second moved in laterally and made a grab for my wallet. He was too slow and I was able to retain it, but that started the action. As I watched to see if hands would go in pockets, (they didn’t thankfully) I began to yell aloud. Having layed my bag and helmet aside, I held the Coker by seat and handle and began to swing it in 360 degree circle. I managed to get two complete revolutions in before the Coker tire impacted on the chest of one of the assailants. This is something I’ve imagined I might try someday and I’ve even fantasized/visualized it. I’m sorry to report that this did not do too much good. It did not have the desired effect of bowling him over. Instead, he grabbed hold of the wheel, my precious wheel, and while I held on to irrationally ‘prevent its theft’, I was slugged in the jaw by the third teen.
Well, what was looking very bad for me was saved by my loud vocalizations. A neighbor, Mark, who was an acquaintance of mine and apparently a very methodical person, heard my shouts and grabbed his ever handy, police-issue telescoping steel baton ($70.00 at ‘police’ stores). Mark dashed out of his back door and without hesitation entered the fray and connected with one full strength blow to the back and shoulder of the teen who was holding my Coker. As he told it later, the teens were immediately aware of a problem for them when they heard the distinctive ‘click -click’ of the weapon as it was ‘flicked’ into lock position. After the blow, they fled and the Bronco immediately sped away with headlights-out.
Mark was incredibly tuned-in to this situation and I was fking enraged. I raced down the alley after them screaming at the top of my lungs that, “THIS IS MY NEIGHBORHOOD” along with a stream of obscenities. Some other neighbors heard the commotion too and within minutes there were 8 of us, including my wife now, hashing over and re-hashing this assault while we waited for the police.
Though they didn’t show it much, I think the responding police officers were delighted to respond to this 911 call. It’s my habit to Coker down Central Avenue (which is actually quite dead at night despite the grand name), as the last leg of my night time rides. So for three years, in all seasons, I’ve been buzzing by the 2nd Precinct on Central and I frequently see the night-beat cops. And now I know that they see me too. Characteristic of his profession, the cop who interview me queried, “Are you the guy who rides down Central Avenue?” Uh, yep.
Now I’ll be shopping for a weapon. Sad but true. Mace or a little baton handy on my belt will be the next thing I carry with me on my precious night rides. Still, 45 minutes after my assault, we learned from the patrolling/searching police that there had just been another assault about one mile from mine with the same set of players - a Bronco, two white guys and two black guys. At least I can rest easy knowing that these fks were not just targeting night-riding Cokeurs!
To simplify this story, I’ve left out that we collectively know, without a doubt, the address where two of the perps (the white ones) live with their parents. Here it is - 3551 Spain Place, Minneapolis MN 55418 USA - 4 blocks from my house. Are they stupid or what.
Roflmao. Good job defending yourself vs those damn punks.
Any charges on those bastards?
Hopefully I’ll know soon. I’ve offered to identify them in a line-up but if they’re juveniles - ? The ‘system’ here is strange. Now, almost three hours have elapsed since the assault and the police haven’t called yet. They said they’d call tonight if the ‘suspects’ were nabbed but that they had yet to return home from their ‘shopping’ spree.
Dan, I’m sorry to hear about this intrusion into your night-rides.
Good on you for making your stand.
You have a good neighbour, lend him your lawn-mower.
Time to invoke Edmund Burke.
that suks alot man…u shuld invest in a doberman to take with u on rides…
next thing u know we will have quick release seat post that with the push of a button will release and out will pop a big knife…and we can say…
“now thats a knife!”…
Teens aren’t necessarily smart. It’s live for the moment at that age. Considering the consequences at the time does not even enter the picture. It’s karma when their stupidity catches up with them.
Glad you weren’t injured and I hope the Coker is all OK. It will be revenge when they’re caught.
Indeed I have. In the first post, I conservatively referred to Mark as ‘acquaintance’. But really, that’s an understatement - especially now. In truth, he was my friend before the incident - his actions proved it. I just hadn’t realized it.
My wife and I have agreed that we should present him with a generous gift certificate to a nice local restaurant - Sarna’s, where he can eat, drink and smoke to his hearts content.
The Coker will be ok. At one point, one of the assailants stomped on the spoke/rim area. It’s a steel wheel (which incidentally, I love - steel that is), and now there is an odd wiggle that I will probably want to have trued out. It’s not touching the frame at any point anyway.
phew your coker is alright
good thing that you are alright i guess 
you meab you havnt got a quick release seat post that with the push of a button will release and out will pop a big knife ,wow
Thanks for the suggestion but I already feed two dogs - a pug and a Boston terrier. Neither has expressed any interest in Cokering with me even though I could probably fashion a beautiful dog-carrying back or front pack for them. A doberman pack might get pretty unwieldy, don’t you think (?) . . . even if the protection it would provide is obvious.
Glad to hear you’re alright. You’ve got a good neighbour.
Just out of curiosity, how old are you?
Glad you’re OK, Dan. It sounds almost surreal that this would happen in a nice neighborhood. Almost too much to get my mind around that one would need to carry a weapon to ride at night. Crazy.
Keep us updated on this as far as catching the perps.
Glad to hear you’re okay.
I am penning a strongly-worded letter to their parents even as we speak.
Let’s see.
He lives in a nice neighbourhood, ‘his neighbourhood’, so he owns the house.
Married.
Dogs.
Rides at night so he’s quite busy, active part of his career.
Uses punctuation and capital letters and didn’t misspell a single word.
Maybe 37.
Didn’t say anything about his children not growing up to do this kind of stuff=> -10
I don’t own my flat, but it’s still my neighbourhood…
And I actually found that text quite difficult to read due to lack of properly defined paragraphs.
And he’s also got a friend with a “police baton” who runs around the streets rescuing people.
I’ll say 25.
^Closer to 35 than 25.
Dan, we live just north of you in Columbia Heights. My 11 year old son, Christopher (who you have probably met in parades) uses his unicycle as his main mode of transportation.
He was riding home from church one day when some high school kids tried to knock him off. An old lady saw and came out, not with a police issue baton, but with a broomstick. It did the trick.
Christopher recognized one of the boys, so we went down and a talk with his dad. I know his Dad through community functions.
His Dad handled it like a responsible parent.
We do the NE parade on June 19th. Will you be there?
Bill Hugo
Scary
That’s a sobering experience. The folks I’ve encountered while street riding have been unfailingly polite.
I have no trepidations about dealing with a single punk but holding off three is not an experience I’d look forward to.
Glad you emerged unscathed.
25 year olds are way too busy buying and drinking beer to spend $70 on funky, telescopic police-batons.
I stand by my mid-thirties estimate.
I guess 30. And Dave, there’s nothing to say his friend Mark isn’t older than him.
Anyway, it’s good that you’re alright, Dan. As for the weapon, find a way to holster a samurai sword onto your Coker. Then start riding at night with full samurai armor on.