Unicycling is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, homosexuality and air conditioning.
Unicycling will encourage people to be unicyclists, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
Unicycling will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Bicycling has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; kids start on training wheels, Roadies still can’t marry mountain bikers, and riding on sidewalks is still illegal.
Bicycling would be less meaningful if unicycling was accepted; appreciation of the sheer skill of GW’s handling of a segue would be diminished.
Bicycling is valid because it requires less dedication to learn to ride than unicycle. Unicyclists, jugglers, and old people shouldn’t be allowed because they are not practical efficient endeavors that make more time for normal activities like listening to Rush Limbaugh and bicycling.
Obviously Unicycling parents will raise unicycling children, since bicycling parents only raise bicycling children.
Unicycling is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
Children can never succeed without exclusively bicycling roles model at home. That’s why we as a society should expressly forbid unicycling parents to raise children.
Mainstreaming of unicycles will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to juggle on unicycles or ride them long distances for good causes.
(one of the saddest parts about our society is that, these arguments, before the humourous common sense, are the real reasons why people can’t accept unicycling.)
hey you forgot the main argument: it is a well known fact that unicyclists can’t have children any more!
I am not so sure that unicycling is not recognised by religion: I think there were at least two cultures where the “person on one wheel” was the theme for sacred statues or pictures.
Oh my God Wobbling: you have just made me realise I have had a 25 years long blonde moment, which for a black haired girl is truly a traumatic experience.
Your post suddenly made me notice that the Disney song “Bare Necessities” could just have easily been “Bear Necessities”. I always knew about the bare/bear wordplay in the song but never actually applied it to the song title.
I realise I didn’t know which spelling had been used in the title.
I now have one of those “my life is suddenly more complete” moments.
Thanks…and yes I know insanity is drawing ever closer.
In fact I didn’t realise that myself because I knew the song in it’s french translation.
to me “bear necessity” was the name of a watering hole at Berkeley, I learned about the song later.
