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Old 2008-02-18, 05:17 PM   #1
Jeff.Sandve
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top ten Puns

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest, if these have been posted before im sorry, but some are to good to be forgotten


#1 A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."



#2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"



#3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.



#4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."



#5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.



#6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as th ey moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."



#7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes

to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mo ther. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."



#8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fath ers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars a nd t rashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.



#9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...... (O h, man, this is so bad, it's good) .....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



#10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.



No pun in ten did.
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Old 2008-02-18, 06:17 PM   #2
Mikefule
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You should be pun-ished for that.
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Old 2008-02-18, 06:39 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Mikefule
You should be pun-ished for that.
thats funny
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Old 2008-02-18, 07:32 PM   #4
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their going to send you to the pun-itentury
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Old 2008-02-18, 07:34 PM   #5
vanpaun
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puns.....
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Old 2008-02-18, 07:39 PM   #6
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Those are pretty punny.
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Old 2008-02-18, 07:40 PM   #7
vanpaun
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you should check out unibikelings punderable discussion thread.
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Old 2008-02-18, 07:50 PM   #8
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Good ones I could of used a couple of these a few years ago.
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Old 2008-02-19, 02:01 AM   #9
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what do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A flat minor!
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Old 2008-02-19, 04:38 AM   #10
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Use a pun, go to prison!
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Old 2008-02-19, 05:18 AM   #11
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I'm no "pun-dit"...but I'm with Mikefule on this...
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Old 2008-02-19, 05:51 AM   #12
MuniAddict
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1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

4. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

5. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

6. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

7. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

8. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

9. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Last edited by MuniAddict; 2008-02-19 at 05:51 AM.
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Old 2008-02-21, 08:27 AM   #13
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Talking

' What do you call a man running after a car?- Exhausted!'
'What do you call a woman running after a bus?- Tired!'

bit corny, I now but what the hell!
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Old 2008-02-21, 05:53 PM   #14
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Why was the unicyclist able to cross the road?

--------because he was not two-tired.

Chase
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Old 2008-02-21, 06:01 PM   #15
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You have some good ones there, Terry.
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